AITA for pointing at the kitchen when MIL asked “where is our dinner?”?

You have a lot on your plate—caring for your seriously injured husband, managing your household, and dealing with the pressures of your pregnancy. It’s understandable that after taking care of your husband’s needs and handling a stressful, chaotic environment with unhelpful in-laws, you reached your breaking point.

When your MIL asked, “Where is our dinner?” despite seeing you tirelessly caring for your husband, your response—pointing her to the kitchen—was a moment of justified frustration. Your MIL and FIL’s expectations that you serve dinner when you’re already overwhelmed are unreasonable, especially in your own home.

‘AITA for pointing at the kitchen when MIL asked “where is our dinner?”?’

Dr. Susan Parker, a family dynamics and stress management expert, emphasizes that setting clear boundaries is essential when one is under extraordinary pressure. “When someone is dealing with a serious family crisis, like caring for an injured spouse while managing a household and even pregnancy, any additional expectations that are not part of their responsibilities can feel overwhelming,” she explains.

“In such situations, it’s not merely a matter of politeness or hospitality—it’s about preserving mental and physical health and ensuring that care is prioritized for those who truly need it.” Dr. Parker notes that when in-laws or family members assume a guest-like role—expecting to be served or cared for without contributing—this not only disrupts the equilibrium of the household but can also exacerbate the stress already present.

“When a host is continuously reminded of their obligations through unhelpful demands, such as insisting on being fed or attended to, it can lead to feelings of resentment and burnout,” she says. “In your case, having your MIL repeatedly ask where dinner is, despite witnessing the extensive work you’ve been doing to care for your husband, was the tipping point. It’s an assertion of entitlement rather than a genuine request for help.”

Furthermore, Dr. Parker explains that in crisis situations, communication often becomes terse as emotions run high. “Your reaction—pointing to the kitchen and asking her to help herself—was a direct, if blunt, way of communicating that your responsibilities and your husband’s well-being were your priorities at that moment,” she continues. “It is a boundary-setting measure that highlights your need to balance caregiving with self-care.

This isn’t about being inhospitable; it’s about enforcing limits when you are already stretched to your breaking point.” Dr. Parker also stresses the importance of mutual respect in family relationships. “While it might be expected in some cultures or families for the host to provide for guests, there is no universal rule that obligates you to cater to family members, especially when they do not contribute to the household’s efforts,” she adds.

“It’s essential for family members, especially in-laws, to understand that during times of crisis, everyone must pitch in, or at the very least, respect the boundaries that are in place. If someone is just visiting without offering any support, their demands for hospitality can be seen as unreasonable.” In summary, Dr. Parker asserts that your decision to direct your MIL to get her own food under those circumstances is a reasonable reaction to an unsustainable and disrespectful situation.

“Setting boundaries is a form of self-care,” she concludes. “Your husband’s recovery, your pregnancy, and your overall well-being are paramount. In times of extreme stress, it’s vital that those around you either help alleviate the burden or respect your limits.” This perspective supports your actions as both justified and necessary under the circumstances.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Many Reddit users agree with your stance, emphasizing that your MIL and her family were acting more like entitled guests rather than supportive relatives. They point out that when you’re dealing with such a challenging situation at home, you shouldn’t be expected to serve dinner or cater to the whims of those who aren’t contributing to the care of your husband.

The consensus from the community is clear: you are not the asshole for prioritizing your responsibilities and boundaries, especially when your in-laws are not lifting a finger to help.

In the midst of a highly stressful period in your life, demanding that your MIL take some responsibility for herself—by getting her own food—is entirely reasonable. It’s important to maintain clear boundaries and protect your well-being, particularly when the safety and comfort of your husband depend on it.

How have you navigated similar situations where family expectations clashed with your capacity to care for yourself and your loved ones? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s discuss ways to manage family dynamics during challenging times.