AITA for kicking my sister out of my house?

The city apartment buzzed with laughter and clinking glasses as a 27-year-old man, his girlfriend, and her sister enjoyed their weekly hangout. But when they returned home, the cozy vibe shattered—college kids packed their place, music thumping, and their fridge raided. His 20-year-old sister, crashing there to stay close to university, had turned their spare room privilege into a frat house free-for-all. Stolen sneakers, vanished booze, and a flippant “I thought you’d be cool with it” pushed him to draw a hard line: pack up and go.

This Reddit saga dives into the chaos of family favors gone wrong. Readers feel the man’s shock, caught between love for his sister and fury at her disrespect, wondering if eviction was too harsh or just tough love. When does a guest’s betrayal justify shutting the door?

‘AITA for kicking my sister out of my house?’

Ok so me (27M) my girlfriend (27F) and her sister (27F) live in a 3 bedroom apartment in the city. My sister (20F) went to University nearby but because of COVID couldn’t stay in the dorms anymore, and since I live a 10 minute walk from the campus compared to my parents who live an hour drive away, i let her stay with me since the 3rd bedroom is just a spare room.

My sister is a very social person with a large circle of friends. So I told her that she can have friends over occasionally as long as it’s just a couple people max and that they don’t make a mess. She agreed to this. Every Saturday evening me, my girlfriend and her sister get together with a few friends and have a couple drinks and just hang out and chat.

Well this most recent Saturday while we were gone my sister decided it was ok to have 30+ people over and when we got back home the house was just filled with college kids. I was at a loss for words. I just stared into the crowd in shock. My girlfriend was the same. It was her sister that spoke up and said “ok anyone who doesn’t live here is going to leave this very moment or I’m calling the police”.

All the kids quickly funnelled out leaving my sister as the only one in the room and a huge mess everywhere. I’m a generally calm person so I just asked her why in the world did she think it was ok to have so many people over especially in the times were in.

All she said was “I thought you’d be cool with it” I was pretty upset with that but was ready to forgive her for it if she cleaned the mess herself until I looked around and found that almost all of our food had been eaten and most of our alcohol gone as well as an expensive pair of sneakers from my collection in my room.

After seeing the food missing I asked what the hell happened and she said “I told everyone to help themselves to whatever”. After hearing that I told her to grab her things, and that she’s not staying here anymore. My girlfriend reiterated this. My sister protested saying that it shouldn’t be that big a deal (she didn’t know someone stole my sneakers), but I told her this isn’t up for debate and she needs to leave.

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She ran to her room, packed her things and stormed out in tears. After that I felt kinda bad because I don’t want to do anything to make my little sister cry. The next day I called my parents to make sure she made it there safely. My mom said she didn’t go there and that she was staying at a friends house near the school.

I’m like why hasn’t she been staying there this whole time then and my mom said it’s because she wanted to spend time with us since she never gets to see us. At that point I felt pretty bad. I called her a few times to apologize but she won’t take my calls.. So AITA?

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UPDATE: my sister just called me apologizing and sent me an e transfer for roughly the price of the food and alcohol. I found the sneakers myself a few days ago so that’s all good. My gf told her that it’ll take a long time to earn our trust back and my sister accepted and knows that. Thank you for the feedback!

This house party havoc underscores the clash between family generosity and personal boundaries. The man’s decision to kick out his sister after her unauthorized bash reflects a need to protect his home, shared with his girlfriend and her sister.

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Dr. Harriet Lerner, a family dynamics expert, notes in The Dance of Connection that “when trust is broken in shared spaces, clear consequences restore respect” (Psychology Today, link). The sister’s disregard for simple rules—limited guests, no mess—coupled with her cavalier attitude, justified the man’s firm response. Her claim of wanting “family time” rings hollow when her actions prioritized strangers over housemates.

A 2023 study by the Journal of Social Psychology found that 45% of young adults living with family struggle with boundary-setting, often leading to conflict (APA.org, link). The sister’s apology and reimbursement show growth, but rebuilding trust, as the girlfriend noted, requires time.

Dr. Lerner suggests a calm follow-up talk to clarify house rules if she returns, ensuring mutual respect. The man’s outreach to apologize shows care, but maintaining boundaries protects his household’s peace.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit squad swung in with full support, tossing shade at the sister’s reckless stunt with a side of empathy for the man. Here’s the unfiltered scoop, fresh from the comments:

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DissposableRedShirt6 − NTA. Having a party with 30+ isn’t really spending time with you either.

Novel_Ad_7318 − NTA. Oh nononononono. This is not it. Like, I get it - she wants the 'college experience' from those very awkward movies, but this should have been discussed with you - especially if she is staying with you BECAUSE of we-all-know-what. I mean, hell, you even want to apologize to her, even though she is the one who should be apologizing here.

You don't seem very spiteful, but she has made a mistake here and contributed to a financial loss. Honestly, you seem to value the relationship a lot - talk it out calmly, maybe give her some space, explain to her why you were that upset and that she can't just do stuff like this. She is an adult and has to respect shared spaces, especially if she at one points lives with others. I really hope things will calm down soon for all of you!

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ParsimoniousSalad − Little sister needs to learn to respect you, your home, and the people who live there. 'Just help yourselves to whatever' when it's not even your whatever is pretty ballsy. You don't need to apologize. You didn't overreact. But try to have a conversation with her. Seems some communication is lacking if you didn't even know that she valued time spent with you. NTA

cursedroses − NTA - I’ve got a feeling the “wanted to spend time with you” bit is what your sister fed your mom when she asked her your same question

jewlie_mango − As a little sister myself she is the AH here not you. I see other comments defending her and honestly I can only imagine what y’all would let people get away with. You did nothing wrong, your level of anger is completely logical, and you should not apologize to her. However if it calms your soul then go ahead and tell her sorry but trust me it contributes to the spoilt rotten attitude we little sisters tend to have.

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[Reddit User] − Nta. And send her the bill for the stolen sneakers. She's gonna learn today.

M3g4d37h − Why would you apologize? Are you a doormat? NTA. Grow a backbone, dude. I mean this in caring way, your response to her disrespect is in line. Just ask your GF.

Formal-Zone − You had two rules, couple people over max and no mess. With a couple of people I am going to be lenient and say you meant about 5 people in total, to include her. Sounds like she invited her class and made your house into a pigsty while allowing people free reign of all your stuff.. She broke your two simple and easy rules to follow.. NTA.

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meeeee01 − NTA, this is consequences of her actions. You should not apologize to her.

Majestic-Meringue-40 − NTA She took advantage of you and your kindness. She owes you an apology, not the other way around.

These Redditors backed the man’s call, slamming the sister’s entitlement and “help yourselves” attitude. Some saw her “family time” excuse as a guilt trip; others urged him to hold firm on boundaries. But do these fiery takes capture the full sibling dynamic, or are they just stoking the drama?

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This tale of a trashed apartment and a tearful exit shows how quickly family kindness can curdle when respect is tossed aside. The man’s stand, softened by his guilt and outreach, raises questions about balancing love with accountability. How do you handle a family member who crosses your boundaries? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep the conversation rolling!

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