AITA for telling my younger siblings that their dad is not my dad?

In a bustling household filled with the chatter of young half-siblings, a 16-year-old girl navigated the delicate balance of love, loss, and family ties. Grieving her father’s death nine years ago, she refused to call her stepdad “Dad,” despite her mother’s insistence. When her siblings questioned her choice, she shared the truth about her late father, only to face punishment and family fury.

This Reddit saga weaves a poignant tale of grief, identity, and the right to tell one’s story, where honesty collides with blended family expectations. Let’s dive into this heartfelt drama and explore what it reveals about respect and remembrance.

‘AITA for telling my younger siblings that their dad is not my dad?’

I'm 16f and I live with my mom, stepdad and my younger half siblings. My dad died 9 years ago and my mom married Dave 6 years ago. My half siblings are 7f, 6m, 5f and 3m. My mom and Dave call him my dad, they refer to themselves as my parents, but I only ever use his name, and use his name in conversation with others.

We've had so much therapy together to try and find a way forward with me calling Dave dad but it's not going to happen. My siblings have been calling me out for calling him Dave a lot in the last six months. I told mom she needs to talk to them and explain it because I will if they don't.

She told me I never talk to them about it because it's not my place. We ended up in a fight over it. I have pushed for the last several months but I had enough so three days ago they brought it up again and the 7 year old told me I was being mean and rude and that we don't call our parents their first names.

So I sat the older three down and told them Dave is not my dad. My dad died and mom married Dave when she already had me. I even showed them a photo of my dad. They asked why I didn't call both dad. I said because I don't want to. There was pushback on it which Dave overheard,

then he and my mom got super pissed, we fought, they said it was not my place and told me I had no right. My stuff was taken as a punishment but I'm at a family members house for a few days and they're letting me use the internet again.. So yeah AITA?

This family feud highlights the tension between grief and blended family dynamics. The girl’s refusal to call Dave “Dad” honors her late father’s memory, a deeply personal choice. Forcing her to conform dismisses her autonomy, while punishing her for sharing her truth with her siblings stifles her voice.

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Grief counselor Dr. Alan Wolfelt notes in Healing Your Grieving Heart for Teens, “Teens need space to honor lost loved ones without pressure to replace them.” Studies show 60% of blended families face conflicts over roles and titles, often exacerbated by ignoring children’s feelings. The mother’s insistence risks alienating her daughter further.

The girl’s honesty was age-appropriate and fair, given the siblings’ questions. Her parents should have addressed this earlier. She could benefit from individual therapy to process her grief, while her parents need to respect her boundaries.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit lit up like a family photo album with this one—imagine a living room debate brimming with empathy! Most backed the girl, praising her honesty and slamming her parents’ overreach.

ARC2060 − NTA. I'm sorry they won't respect your decision not to call your mother's husband 'Dad'. It's 100% your business and you didn't tell the kids any lies so didn't deserve to be punished.

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Vccccccccc − NTA do they not wonder why you have relatives that they don’t have?

Nihilophile − NTA. Since when is you parentage not yours to tell, regardless of the age of the audience?

Imaginary_Being1949 − NTA, they're trying to erase your dad from you. Your step-father can still be a father figure in your life, while keeping your biological father with you.

MomoEiko − NTA - Definitely your right to call your step dad however is most comfortable to you. As long as you're calling by his name in a respectful tone, then I don't get why they care so much. I have a half brother (same dad). I always knew he was a half brother and who his mom was.

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I don't recall him ever calling my mom 'mom' like I do - he always addressed her respectfully by name. It was nbd to me or anyone else. I'm curious why your mom is so adamant on you calling your step dad 'dad'. That's an odd thing to get hung up on...

WVPrepper − At some point, these kids are going to find out where babies come from. They will realize that babies are born nine months after conception. They will learn that a man your mom did not even know when she had you can not possibly be your dad.

Then they will wonder what else their parents are keeping from them. Do you acknowledge your dad's birthday? You should be able to celebrate him. Have these kids been to his grave? YOUR DAD was important to you. Sounds like your mom would just as soon forget him.. You are NOT THE A**HOLE!

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upsidowning − NTA. I can see why you don't want to call him dad. That's not a title you demand; it's a title you earn. No one gets to dictate how you tell your story. No one gets to decide when and how you talk about your dad. If you haven't already, see if you can get your own therapist (separate from the one that you have family therapy with) to process this b**lshit in a safe place.

BazTheBaptist − NTA Dave is not your dad, and trying to make you call him dad is a f**ked up reason to send you to therapy, and is more likely to push you further away. You just told your siblings the truth. It's not a handful truth, and your warned them you were going to do it.

Hotcheetogyurl − NTA why do parents do this? Genuinely why? Your mom sucks and so does your stepdad. I’m sorry for your loss, never lose his memory

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MindfulTornado − NTA. It’s your choice, they can’t force you to feel in your heart that he is your father, that’s ridiculous. Your feelings should be validated and your wishes honoured. Yes, you were right to tell your siblings.. Also, I’m very sorry for your loss.
But do these Reddit takes capture the full picture, or are they just fueling the family fire?

This sibling showdown blends grief with family loyalty, where a teen’s truth about her late father sparked a parental backlash. Her stand was brave, but was it too blunt for young ears? Honoring loss shouldn’t mean punishment, yet family harmony is fragile. What would you do in this blended family clash? Share your thoughts—have you faced a fight over family titles or memories?

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