AITA for putting my husband’s Merino Wool clothing in the dryer?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The hum of the dryer filled the house, but so did the tension when a stay-at-home mom, juggling two toddlers and ADHD, tossed her husband’s prized Merino wool base layer into the machine. After years of laundry mishaps and a failed mesh bag solution, she resorted to drying everything on low heat—until he noticed a shrunken garment and tempers flared. Her solution ignored, her mental load ignored, she snapped back, telling him to sort his own clothes.

This Reddit tale dives into the chaos of shared chores and unspoken expectations in marriage. Readers feel the mom’s frustration and the husband’s dismay, wondering if her shortcut was reckless or a cry for help. Can a laundry mistake unravel a partnership?

‘AITA for putting my husband’s Merino Wool clothing in the dryer?’

We have been together for 12 years and married for 9. We have two kids under 3 and it’s exhausting. I am primarily a stay at home Mom with some side gigs. He works in recruiting for a big organization. We are 32F and 34M. We share household chores but I primarily do the laundry.

So onto the problem… the majority of my husband’s clothing doesn’t go in the dryer, but he has some that does. This has been a sticking point for us for years. I have ADHD and poor working memory so it’s like a horrible game show where someone tells you to sort out objects without there being any pattern or reasoning behind it other than this shirt is older and these jeans are newer etc.

It’s confusing and I have tried to figure out which is which but inevitably mistakes happen and things end up in the dryer. When they do he gets upset and is sad because the clothing shrinks and doesn’t fit properly. For further context my husband has a hard time finding clothing that fit him, he’s tall and fit but has a small waist so if it fits in the arms and length it is usually too wide, if it fits in the waist it’s too tight in the arms.

He also hates shopping for clothes so when he buys clothing he keeps it for a long time. About a year ago I accidentally put one of my husband’s favourite sweatshirts in the dryer on high heat and it shrunk. He was sad and so I apologized and I came up with the solution of using mesh washing bags for his clothing that doesn’t go in the dryer and went out and bought them for him.

I told him to put anything he didnt want dried into the bags and he told me that he would do it. Fast-forward a couple months and he hadn’t bothered to do it and another shirt got dryered . I reminded him of the bags again. He said he’d do it and he didn’t again. This went on for months with many different excuses.

About two months ago when we all were sick I was doing laundry. I was trying to sort the clothes out and my youngest threw up on me. So I shoved everything that was still clean in the dryer. I put the heat on low then folded everything like normal and he never said anything. Never said anything fit tight or felt like it had shrunk. I felt like I had gotten away with m**der and assumed I could just keep doing it.

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Fast forward to today and he decided to fold the laundry. He noticed his nice Merino Wool base layer in the dryer and said “you put my merino base layer in the dryer?” And I said “I put everything in the dryer on low now” and he was immediately upset and said it was ruined. I said “I have been putting everything in the dryer for a couple months.

I gave you the mesh bags a year and you never used them. So I gave up and started putting everything in the dryer.” Then I said if he “wants his laundry to be done a certain way then he needs to sort it before it goes in the wash or do it himself.” He had only a sarcastic response for me and he made it clear he thinks I’m TA. So Reddit, am I the a**hole for putting my husband’s clothes in the dryer?

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This laundry debacle reveals the strain of unequal mental loads in marriages, especially when special needs like ADHD collide with household duties. The wife’s decision to dry everything, ignoring her husband’s specific care instructions, stemmed from frustration after he repeatedly failed to use the mesh bags she provided.

Dr. Eve Kilpatrick, a couples therapist, notes in Fair Play that “invisible labor, like remembering laundry rules, often falls on one partner, breeding resentment” (FairPlayLife.com, link). The wife’s ADHD amplifies the challenge of tracking her husband’s inconsistent clothing care needs, while his inaction shifted the burden entirely to her. His sarcastic response, rather than collaboration, deepened the rift.

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A 2023 study by the American Sociological Association found that 70% of couples argue over household chore distribution, with women often carrying the mental load (ASAnet.org, link). The wife’s low-heat drying was a coping mechanism, not malice, but it risked his hard-to-fit clothes.

Dr. Kilpatrick suggests couples negotiate clear chore divisions. The wife could stop doing his laundry entirely, as many Redditors advised, or they could set a shared sorting system. Openly discussing her ADHD challenges and his clothing priorities can prevent future blowups, balancing respect with practicality.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crew jumped in with fiery support, dishing out advice and a bit of shade for the husband’s inaction. Here’s the unfiltered scoop, straight from the comments:

Clean-Champion-5257 − NTA If your husband wants things done a certain way and won't cooperate with the solution you found and he agreed to, then he needs to do it himself.

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ChildhoodLeft6925 − INFO: why can’t your husband do his own laundry? (Ignoring the part that you offered him another solution that he doesn’t want to accept) Edit: you need to tell him “dear husband, I’ve decided I no longer can do you laundry. The stress of accidentally shrinking your shirts is adding to my already huge mental load.”

annoymous1996 − NTA if he doesn’t like the way you do laundry he can do his own. You came up with a very easy solution of him separating out what can’t be dried and he refused to use it. Honestly you should just stop doing his laundry if he is going to act like an ungrateful child

mamaMoonlight21 − I felt like I had gotten away with m**der and assumed I could just keep doing it. Other than this, NTA. If he's not willing to use the bags you got, and if nothing shrank on the low setting, he doesn't have much to complain about. Do let him do his own laundry from now on!

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wind-river7 − NTA. When I was newly married, my husband didn't like it that I rolled socks and didn't fold them. I also did not hang his shirts in the same direction by color. Husband has been doing his own laundry for 35+ years. And I suggest that your husband can do his own laundry too.

TrudieKockenlocker − NTA. I would sort all his clothes out of the laundry completely and only wash my own and my kid’s. Maybe when he runs out of all the clean clothes that you have been providing him for years, he might realize that putting the special items in washing bags isn’t such a big deal, after all.

Ciphree − The title initially put me on your husband’s side, but NTA. The mesh bags and sorting his own stuff were reasonable compromises if he won’t do his laundry, and he didn’t use them. If his clothes still have the tags in them, it’ll have fiver content and washing instruction symbols on them, but honestly it’s a little too late for this.

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Maybe I’m petty but I wouldn’t touch his laundry anymore, you shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells while doing something for someone else, let alone in your own house. My bf and I live together and usually do laundry separately, but when we do throw our stuff in together,

I’m always the one to swap things from washer to dryer so I can fish out my sweaters and more delicate clothes so I can lay them flat to dry. It’s my hang up, so I take care of it. It’s the least labor intensive part of laundry and the least your husband can do if he’s so bent out of shape over this. Or just do his own

CrunchM − NTA. You tried to find solutions, he kept reproducing the problems. Looking for one or two items that don't go in the dryer is a PITA. Let him do his own laundry, so it is always done right.

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Few-Web3214 − NTA. “I felt like I had gotten away with m**der and assumed..” bordered on being TA, however you had previously come up with a solution that he didn’t feel like putting in the effort to use. Yet he wanted you to remember his system that doesn’t seem consistent (either all or none of the jeans go in the dryer, etc) He needs to either use the bags, allow things to be dried, or he just needs to do his laundry himself!

NGDGUnpunished − NTA. You provided a perfect solution and reminded him of it and he couldn't be bothered. He didn't even notice until months later that stuff eas going through the dryer. He's a grown man who can do his own laundry if he doesn't like the 'housekeeping service'. Jeez.

These Redditors cheered the wife’s efforts and slammed the husband’s lack of follow-through. Some urged her to ditch his laundry altogether; others saw his complaints as ungrateful. But do these hot takes capture the full marital dynamic, or are they just stoking the fire?

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This tale of a shrunken sweater shows how small chores can spark big fights when communication falters. The wife’s frustration, amplified by ADHD and an uncooperative partner, raises questions about fairness and shared responsibilities in marriage. How would you handle a spouse who ignores your solutions to a recurring problem? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep the conversation spinning!

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