WIBTA if I didn’t donate to my sister’s baby fund?

The Christmas lights twinkled, but the mood dimmed when a pretty box on Grandma’s table silently begged for cash. A woman, surrounded by family cheer, didn’t realize it was her sister’s “baby fund” for a nursery remodel—until a sharp text accused her of stinginess. Already showering her pregnant sister with baby gifts, she bristled at the entitled demand for money, especially with vague plans and a pushy attitude. Now, she’s caught in a family storm, questioning her choice to hold back.

This Reddit tale dives into the messy clash of family generosity and overreaching expectations. Readers feel the sting of her sister’s texts, wondering if skipping the donation was selfish or a stand for fairness. Is a gift ever truly optional when family demands it?

‘WIBTA if I didn’t donate to my sister’s baby fund?’

My sister is 5 months pregnant, she has dealt with fertility issues for most of her life and now thanks to IVF her baby is on the way. During Christmas the entire family went to our grandma's house to celebrate together. My sister brought this pretty box and put it at the center table in the living room, she didn't explain what it was for but I saw some people putting money on it.

I figured out it was a donation box but our family is pretty big and everyone was trying to make the most of being together so I ended up forgetting about it. Jump to yesterday, I get a text from my sister saying she was disappointed that I didn't donate to the baby's fund. When I asked what she meant she talked about the box. I told her I didn't know what it was and apologized for it.

Everything was okay until today I got another text from her saying that she hadn't seen any money from me in her account. Once again I was pretty confused about what she was talking about and she said it was about the baby fund, since I hadn't donated during Christmas I was supposed to cash app her the amount.

I told her she was being pretty demanding about this and asked what even was the reason behind the fund. She said that her finances had taken a hit from the IVF treatment and now she needed help to set up the baby's room. Hence the baby fund which was her idea to get some money to remodel the extra room at her place. Money that would come from our family, her husband's family and their friends.

Now there's just something in it that rubbed me the wrong way. First, ever since she announced the pregnancy she has been getting gifts for the baby from everyone - me included. I'm talking about clothes, toys, blankets, decoration stuff... The list goes on. The amount of gifts doubled once we learned the baby's s**.

Secondly, when I tried to figure out what she needs for the baby's room she just kept talking about remodeling and refused to give any specifics about it, sure, she can do what she wants for the room but I think that it's necessary information even to figure out what amount I would even give.

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Finally, her whole attitude has just been extremely rude. I also think she's being entitled about the whole thing. I'm pretty sure there are other family members that didn't even get close to the box, so I'm wondering if she's doing the same thing to them as she's doing to me.

Which makes me even more miffed.So, would I be an a**hole if I didn't donate to the fund? Am I even an a**hole for considering not donating? I plan on keep giving gifts but I don't really like the idea of this baby fund.. ​

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Edit: I will be sticking to my guns and not donating, I will keep giving gifts though but only stuff that can be used by/on the baby. Someone suggested diapers so I might go with that for a while. I think I'll also call our parents to see if they know anything about this and also so I can give an explanation just in case.

This baby fund feud reveals how family generosity can sour under entitled demands. The sister’s expectation of cash donations, paired with her confrontational texts, turned a joyful milestone into a financial tug-of-war.

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Dr. Pauline Boss, a family stress expert, notes in Ambiguous Loss that “unspoken assumptions about family obligations can breed resentment” (Psychology Today, link). The sister’s vague “remodeling” plans and refusal to clarify suggest a lack of transparency, making her demands feel manipulative. The poster’s gifts—clothes, toys, blankets—already show support, yet the sister’s focus on cash dismisses these contributions.

A 2023 Pew Research study found that 35% of families face tension over financial expectations during major life events like pregnancies (Pew Research Center, link). The sister’s IVF costs, while significant, don’t justify pressuring others without clear communication.

Dr. Boss advises setting boundaries with empathy. The poster could calmly explain their preference for practical gifts like diapers, as planned, while encouraging the sister to share specific needs. This approach maintains support without caving to guilt, fostering family harmony.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit squad didn’t hold back, serving up spicy takes with a side of shade for the sister’s entitled antics. Here’s the unfiltered scoop, straight from the comments:

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likeitsnotyourjob − NTA - this is incredibly weird and entitled. If she needs money, ask your parents for a loan. 'Passing the hat' as if she's a college student throwing a kegger is bizarre. She chose this route knowing the expense going in. Not to mention, I can't stand this culture of having over-the-top expensively decorated nurseries, spoiler alert: the babies don't even sleep in the nursery for the first few months nor do they care what it looks like.

xpoisonferns − NTA I understand her wanting a baby and going through IVF but how isn’t she prepared to financially support this baby? Why does she want a baby when she doesn’t have the money for it and now is begging or demanding those around her for money?

RblDiver − Jeez, NTA. Gifts are gifts, to be given freely, not demanded. If she HAD to have money, she should have charged admission.

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PARA9535307 − NTA. If she asks you again, just very sweetly mention that you opted to do XYZ gifts (list all the stuff you’ve gifted, which already sounds like a ton), instead of cash. And then pivot the conversation to how you hope the nibling will enjoy ALL the incredibly generous gifts you and everyone else has provided.

“You’ve gotten just SO much stuff, you must be SO grateful for all this generosity! I would be so grateful for even half as much!” If she still persists, just sweetly say something like “yeah, I prefer giving gifts, like the XYX stuff I’ve given. I’m so glad you’re not one of those cash grabby-kind of people. So excited to meet the little one!”

nobodywon − NTA. You didn't make the baby, and you've already given baby gifts, why should it be your responsibility to help remodel the baby's room? Your sister is being extremely entitled. Gifts are not something people have to give. Donations are not something people have to give.

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shitsandgigglesforme − NTA, her IVF treatments are not your problem. She's being an entitled brat.

teresajs − NTA. It doesn't require cash donations from multiple family members to buy a couple cans of paint.. Tell your sister that you've already given her gifts for the baby.. Be prepared to turn down her demands for free babysitting once this kid is born, too.

coldgator − NTA. If she can afford IVF, she can afford to house her child. A baby doesn't care if its room is remodeled.

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vodka_philosophy − NTA. Gifts are given voluntarily; what she's doing is familial panhandling, and it's tacky.

KittyScholar − NTA. You are already contributing financially (with gifts). Sister is being pushy, rude, and entitled. If you want to keep helping without donating by continuing to give gifts, as you stated, consider giving less fun but more practical gifts. Instead of toys and clothes (which the baby will grow out of quickly!), if your sister is really in need of financial support, give her just a mountain of diapers. That's the gift she'll appreciate in the long run.

These Redditors rallied behind the poster, slamming the sister’s “familial panhandling” and pushy attitude. Some saw the donation box as tacky; others praised the choice to stick with practical gifts. But do these fiery opinions capture the full family dynamic, or are they just stoking the drama?

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This story of a sister’s cash grab shows how family milestones can spark unexpected demands. The poster’s refusal to donate, while still giving gifts, highlights the line between generosity and obligation. It raises questions about when support becomes entitlement. How would you handle a family member’s pushy request for money? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep the conversation going!

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