AITA for not supplying my ex with over night essentials for the kids?

Imagine a single mom, 37, juggling life with a 9-year-old daughter and 6-year-old son, finally seeing their dad step up after 9 years of spotty involvement. A last-minute plea for an overnight stay shifts gears—kids say no, so no bags are packed, but plans flip mid-evening as she’s headed out for a rare night off.

A call comes: bring diapers! She refuses, telling him to hit the store, only to face a “pick them up” retort. Frustration flares—years of solo parenting crash against his sudden demands. Was she wrong to hold her ground? Let’s unpack this co-parenting pickle, simmering with duty, distance, and a dash of drama!

‘AITA for not supplying my ex with over night essentials for the kids?’

I (37f) have been a single mom to my two kids for the last 9 years. Their dad (34m) recently got married, and now decides that he can be a dad and have the kids consistently, thankful for that. My kids (9f and 6m) don’t stay over night anywhere and prefer to have me come get them usually.

Yesterday he asked if they could come over, and to pack an over night bag. I asked both kids if they wanted to stay or have me come get them later on. Both didn’t want to stay, so I didn’t pack an over night bag.

He got them at 1, I had plans at 7, and was home ALL day until then. On my way to my plans my daughter calls saying they want to now stay the night and asked if I could bring an overnight diaper for my son. I said no, and that her dad could go get diapers if he wants them to stay the night.

I asked to speak to her dad, she couldn’t find him so I said for her to have him call me. He calls me, and I lost it on him. I said no I wouldn’t bring that stuff to his house and if he wanted them to stay he needed to go to the store to get what was needed. His response was, ok then just pick them up.

AITA for not taking the stuff over to him? We don’t live near each other, and is completely out of my way to go to my plans, then my house, then his house, instead of straight there after my plans. I’ve literally been the only one taking care of these kids for the last 9 years. He’s had ZERO responsibility when it comes to being a dad.

Both kids were adamant about not staying, so he guilted them into staying, then wanted me to bring their stuff after I was already on my way to do my plans, when I was literally home all day.

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Added info: had he texted me earlier saying they changed their minds I could have planned accordingly to swing the stuff over to his place. Trust me, if they stay then I don’t have a time limit and can stay out all night.

He’s been in their lives they’re whole lives. He’s never been stable enough or want to have them over night. We co-parent pretty good. My kids tend to be more honest with me since he’s never been super reliant for them.

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No fault of mine. He’s had them over night on rare occasions when I needed to do something that required them staying, like my birthday this year, or once I went to a concert and wouldn’t be back at a decent time to get them.

My frustration is that he knew I had made plans, waited until I was on my way to my plans, and then changed up what was going on with them. Today when I got them back, my son said he didn’t want to stay

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But didn’t think his dad would bring him back last night. I asked my daughter what changed and she said well grandma wanted me to stay the night there with her and didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

This co-parenting conundrum bubbles with tension and uneven loads. The mom, solo for 9 years, bends for a dad now eager to host, but his last-minute pivot—guilting kids to stay, then demanding diapers—puts her in a bind. Her refusal, pointing him to the store, defends her night off after a day at home, ready to adjust earlier.

Dr. Kyle Pruett, a child development expert, notes, “Co-parents must share the load—basics like diapers signal readiness; leaning on one side breeds resentment” (source: Yale Child Study Center,). The dad’s fallback—dumping the kids—hints at shaky commitment, clashing with her steady role. Kids’ honesty with mom shows trust gaps.

Studies reveal 50% of co-parents tussle over logistics, per the CDC, especially when roles blur (source: CDC). He needs essentials stocked—diapers, clothes, toothbrushes. Try a list: “Here’s what you need for overnights.” If he won’t prep, limit stays.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Here’s the Reddit squad’s hot dish—bold, blunt, and ready to roll! From jabs at dad’s prep to cheers for mom’s stand, these takes pack a punch. Dive in!

Realistic-Nebula5961 − NTA. Get a grip, people. He's their father. He should have the basic things at his home if HIS KIDS visit frequently. Sick of this enabling b**lshit. 'But he asked'. Well he should assume some responsibility over his g**damn children.

AmbientAsslord − NTA- If he’s ready to be a dad then he should at least be able to keep supplies for his kids at his place and not rely on you for the basics. It’s super concerning that the moment you tell him no, then he decides to push your kids back to you. What kind of dad throws a fit like that?

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ImALittleThorny − NTA. If he were a paid babysitter, sure. You'd supply the diapers. These are *his children* and he doesn't have the basics like diapers or a change of clothes?

plainfully_oblivious − NTA. She’s been raising them by herself. She’s a single mom. Anyone in this position knows that making ends meet is normally difficult. This guy wanted them to stay the night, therefore it’s his responsibility to have on hand anything they need: spare clothing, toothbrush/toothpaste, soap, shampoo, formula/food, diapers. It all adds up for someone trying to make ends meet.

matadero22 − NTA. He needs to plan ahead and if he wants to be involved then he should prepare and have diapers, toothbrushes, change of clothes, etc. on hand. Sounds like you two need to figure out a plan. Or get the courts involved to formalize an arrangement.

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HoldFastO2 − NTA. But why does a six year old need diapers in the first place?

briefaspossible − ok then just pick them up.. Or he can drop them off?

Obvious_Ad_8068 − NTA. At the moment they are under his care, he have to act like a responsible parent. He is not a babysitter, he is a 'parent'. It's pretty selfish of him to instead of going to a near store and pick up some diapers for his son, is expecting you to go all the way to his house and do his job for him.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. If he wants to parent, he needs to have the essentials in his home to care for them.

The__Riker__Maneuver − NTA But take the opportunity to write up a list of things he needs to keep at his house from now on if he wants them to stay overnight.. Make it comprehensive so it covers everything

And let him know that if he wants them to stay overnight, he has to provide these things. Otherwise, there will be no overnight visits. What he wants you to do is to pay for everything that they need so he doesn't have to. And that's not fair.. So put it all on him and make him be the adult and provide the essentials.. If he can't do that, then it's on him, not you

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Reddit rallies for mom, roasting dad’s empty shelves and flaky flip. Some urge a plan, others say he’s no babysitter—parent up! Can a list fix this, or is trust too thin? This tale’s got more heat than a late-night dash.

This single-mom saga steams with 9 years of solo grit, a dad’s late leap, and a messy overnight mix-up. She held firm, refusing to detour with diapers, pushing him to step up—only to hit a wall. Kids caught in the tug, swayed by grandma, spotlight shaky co-parenting. Was she right to say no, or should she have swung by? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Toss your thoughts, tales, or tips into the fray—let’s stir this pot!

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