AITA for letting my roommate’s GF into his room when he was at work (which caused a breakup)?

The morning calm of a shared apartment shattered with frantic knocking, pulling a sleep-deprived night-shift worker from his dreams. Groggy and annoyed, he opened the door to his roommate’s high school sweetheart, desperate for a pendrive she’d left behind. Letting her in seemed like a simple favor, but it unleashed a storm when she stumbled upon evidence of his roommate’s cheating, sparking a breakup and a barrage of blame. Now, he’s left wondering if his sleepy decision ruined a relationship.

This Reddit tale dives into the chaos of roommate dynamics and unintended consequences. Readers feel the man’s confusion, caught between helping a friend and facing his roommate’s wrath. Was he wrong to open the door, or is the real issue his roommate’s betrayal?

‘AITA for letting my roommate’s gF into his room when he was at work (which caused a breakup)?’

First some info:. I live with my roommate in a 2 bedroom apartment. I work night shifts so I dont know who he brings home at night. He works a regular daytime job so we barely see each other or talk. He has (had) a longterm hs sweetheart gf that I know personally. Now for the main part:

Around 10am, so at a time I was sound asleep, I heard an insistent knocking, followed by my phone blowing up, followed again by knocking and so on. I go open the door and there's my roommate's gf, looking like she ran here. Im not very friendly when rudely awoken so i just barked 'what'.

She apologised a 1000 times and asked if she can get a pendrive she gave her bf and that it is VERY urgent bc she forgot to copy something that was on it. I admit I was barely listening but she looked in a hurry and I just wanted to go back to sleep so I let her.

My friend is not a tidy person exactly so I wasnt surprised when she couldnt find it on the desk and just started going through his stuff. I just went to living room and sat on the couch until she finally left the room (i kinda fell asleep so idk how long she was there). She acted weird when she woke me to close the door.

I asked if she has everything cause 'I am NOT leaving the bed again' and she just said that she is not coming back for sure and i just let her out and locked the door and went back to sleep. Later that day Im at work and my phone is blowing up and it's my roommate (weird bc he never calls me at work). I call him back when I have a sec thinking someone died or smth and he's screaming and s**t.

Long story short (bc that was a really long and confusing convo) - he brought some girl home (as he aparrently sometimes does), did the deed and she left some evidence behind that he didnt bother throwing out because he never expected anyone to go through his s**t, much less the gf.

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Well his gf broke up with him later the same day and he blames me for her finding out and ruining the relationship. So like, AITA? I mean yeah maybe I shouldnt have let her in or should watch her do wtv she did but I was sleep deprived and I didnt know he even was hiding something, yk?

This apartment drama highlights the messy intersection of trust, boundaries, and accountability in shared living spaces. The man’s decision to let his roommate’s girlfriend in was a reasonable act of kindness, given her urgency and their acquaintance, but it exposed his roommate’s infidelity.

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Dr. Shirley Glass, a relationships expert, notes in Not Just Friends that “cheating thrives in secrecy, and discovery often falls on unsuspecting third parties” (Psychology Today, link). The roommate’s anger at the man deflects from his own betrayal, a common tactic to shift blame. The girlfriend’s distress upon leaving suggests she found more than a pendrive, making the man an accidental catalyst.

A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association found that 25% of roommate conflicts stem from miscommunications about guests and privacy (APA.org, link). The roommate’s failure to set clear boundaries about his room left the man in a no-win situation.

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Dr. Glass suggests open roommate agreements on guest policies to avoid such pitfalls. The man could propose a house rule discussion to clarify expectations, ensuring future favors don’t backfire. His innocence lies in his intent to help, not harm, and the roommate’s actions drove the breakup.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew swung in with full support, tossing shade at the roommate’s cheating ways with a side of humor. Here’s the unfiltered scoop, straight from the comments:

Kyutekyu − NTA There was no reason for you not to trust the gf. The guy's a major arsehole who cheated on his girl, you're not an arsehole for anything.

yankeetider1 − NTA. F**k him. Him cheating on his long term GF is sure not your fault.

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[Reddit User] − NTA.. He ruined his relationship by cheating. You did not ruin his relationship.. Play stupid games win stupid prizes

GingerLeprechaun1 − NTA You tried to help his girlfriend and then he gets angry because it led to her finding out that he cheated on her. Typical case of a guy trying to deflect all the blame, if he never cheated there wouldn't be a problem. There is nothing inherently wrong with letting someone into their partners room but there is something inherently wrong with cheating.

honeybee820 − NTA. There's an expectation of openness between a couple and you were well within the normal bounds of what was reasonable. Especially if he never stated otherwise.

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SlayzorHunter − NTA The reason you let her in wasn't that she wanted to snoop through his stuff, she just needed something she gave him, urgently. That was a legitimate reason for you. As for who the a**hole is, it's very clear that it's the cheater. He ruined the relationship himself. If one of the partners is cheating, the relationship is already ruined, whether both of them know it or not. You saved the girl from wasting more time in that sham relationship.

[Reddit User] − NTA Guy here has major probz. He shouldn’t be cheating if he can’t stand getting dumped for it. Also, if he’s so bleeping worried about getting caught, then he should tidy his room. You were also being kind to let the girlfriend get her pendrive. I bet she legitly did need it and just found the evidence while she found the pen drive.

ghettobootycentral − NTA it is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Not your fault he was cheating, if he wanted to stay with his gf he shouldn't have cheated.. He should not be blaming you because he got caught, he's TA

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crankyandhangry − NTA. The girlfriend's request seemed perfectly reasonable. You know her. There was no reason to think you couldn't let her in. You did what any reasonable person would do. However, your housemate won't care about this. You can give him all the logic, even show him this thread, he will still blame you because he doesn't know how to take responsibility.

If he doesn't understand the basic fact that his girlfriend broke up with him because he cheated on her - not because of anything you did - there won't be any convincing him. Some people will find the most twisted logic to blame others for their situation.

So, your choice now is either to try to convince him he is TA and stupid for not seeing it and then find a new place to live, or apologise through gritted teeth and say you'll never let any future girlfriend in when he's not there.

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Future girlfriends will, of course, think you're either very odd or outright hostile to them if the situation occurs. The price of friendship, I suppose. He might see the error of his ways and apologise to you, but I wouldn't count on it. Good luck, buddy.

Isle2001 − NTA. This wasn't a one time offense on your roommates part and he doesnt seem to show any kind of remorse for his actions.. Honestly the poor girl deserves better.

These Redditors rallied behind the man, slamming the roommate for blaming him instead of owning his infidelity. Some saw it as a classic case of shooting the messenger; others praised the man for saving the girlfriend from a bad relationship. But do these fiery takes capture the full story, or are they just adding spice?

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This story of a sleepy favor gone wrong shows how quickly trust can unravel when secrets are exposed. The man’s kindness opened a door—literally and figuratively—to a truth his roommate wanted hidden. It raises questions about loyalty, blame, and the fallout of others’ choices. What would you do if a simple act of help blew up in your face? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep the conversation going!

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