AITA for telling my sister she would have been a terrible mother?

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Picture a cozy apartment, the scent of fresh-baked muffins wafting through the air, a 17-year-old brother catching up with his successful older sister over a sweet treat. The mood’s light, with talk of Christmas gifts—vacation coupons, clothes, boots for the kids—until the chat veers to family strain. One sister, a struggling mom of four with another on the way, leans on family for help; the other, thriving and childless, keeps her wallet close.

A teen’s frustration boils over, and a harsh jab—“you’d be a terrible mother”—lands like a punch, silencing the room. Now, with ties cut and guilt creeping in, was he wrong to lash out? Let’s dig into this messy mix of loyalty, money, and family feuds!

‘AITA for telling my sister she would have been a terrible mother?’

I (17m) have two sisters, Alice (29) and Miranda (33). I am much closer to Alice than I am to Miranda. Miranda is also not on good terms with our parents. Alice has four kids and is currently expecting child number five, while Miranda can’t have children which her ex divorced her for.

Miranda is very successful in life, she has a nice apartment, works a good job and earns a decent amount of money. Alice, on the other hand, is struggling financially. She had her first kid right out of high school and got pregnant with her second child soon after, so she decided to become a SAHM to her children while her boyfriend provides for them.

Me and my parents try to help them out as much as possible, be it childcare or money, whatever she needs. I love my nieces and nephews. I take them to the park and play with the older ones, I really enjoy it.

Miranda doesn’t help out with them, she says it’s because she’s too busy. Well, she works long hours, but she doesn’t have kids, so I don’t know what she does on weekends. She also doesn’t help out financially, which I find unfair, since she makes so much money and all she does is spend it on herself, although she does give us very nice gifts for Christmas and birthdays.

My parents nag her about it, saying she should give some of her money to Alice monthly, and I agree with that. So, here comes the part where I may have been an a**hole. I was at Miranda’s place last week, as she baked muffins and invited me over to eat some and catch up.

We got on the topic of Christmas presents and I told her some of the stuff I wanted. She nodded and said she would give our parents a coupon for a much needed vacation and Alice some clothes she had mentioned and also some new boots and jackets for her kids.

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I was a little stunned she didn’t have more for Alice, so I asked, “Why do you only get Alice the bare minimum? You can afford to help out more and you refuse to out of spite.” Miranda looked at me and laughed. She said it wasn’t her business to feed six people, that Alice was old enough to make her choices and live with the consequences.

She knew what she was getting herself into and that she wouldn’t pay Alice’s way through life just because she kept having children she couldn’t afford. I was stunned at how cold she reacted.

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I asked her how she could live her life being so selfish and uncaring, and she got angry and told me, “Listen, kid, there are some thing you are way too young for to be discussing with me, and this is one of those.

Drop the subject or get out.” I got really frustrated with her and said something I probably shouldn’t have. I told her, “No wonder your husband divorced you, even if you could have children, you would be a terrible mother.”

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Miranda got very quiet and told me to leave and never come back. She has now blocked me on everything, and though I don’t agree with her not helping out, I’m starting to feel guilty for what I said. So, AITA?

This family flare-up simmers with hurt feelings and clashing values. The teen, caught between aiding a struggling sister and resenting another’s distance, unleashed a cutting remark—laced with pain but way out of line. Miranda’s stance, guarding her hard-earned cash, collides with family pressure to prop up Alice’s choices, and the fallout stings everyone.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a family dynamics expert, notes, “No one’s obligated to fund others’ decisions—boundaries protect us, but harsh words can break bonds” (source: The Dance of Anger). The teen’s frustration at Miranda’s refusal is human, yet his low blow about motherhood hit a tender spot, especially given her past divorce. Alice’s growing family, a choice she owns, isn’t Miranda’s burden.

Studies show 40% of families face tension over financial help, often when expectations misalign (source: Journal of Family Issues). Miranda’s gifts show care, but not a duty to bankroll six. For peace, try a heartfelt apology: “I’m sorry—I was upset and wrong to say that.” Respect her space, and rethink family roles—help Alice selflessly or step back.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Here’s the Reddit posse’s spicy scoop—raw, real, and ready to roast! From cries of cruelty to jabs at entitlement, these takes cut deep. Grab a muffin and dive in!

[Reddit User] − YTA. You went way too far with that comment. Shame on you. And Miranda is completely right. It’s HER money that SHE earned. She has absolutely no obligation to give HER money away if she doesn’t want too.

You and your family expecting Miranda to give HER money to her sister that can’t afford her lifestyle is greedy. Yes your sister Alice kept having kids, it was HER choice to keep having them. No one owes your sister anything because of the choices SHE made, especially her sister.

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IsThatMarcy − YTA. Your parents are also AH'S.. Your sister Alice is also an AH. Just because Miranda can afford to take care of Alice's children doesn't mean it's her responsibility. Who are you to need to understand what Miranda does on the weekends or what she spends her earnings on? It's not fair??? Miranda is right.

Alice is old enough to understand how to use condoms. If she's struggling with money at the 3rd kid, then struggling more at the 4th then why the hell did she get pregnant with a 5th? There's the selfish sibling for you and its not Miranda, wakey wakey. Alice is the one who seems to expect the rest of the world has to provide for the kids she keeps irresponsibly having.

Btw you are not just cruel for what you said. You're also entitled and childish. You made an active decision to help Alice and her kids. Either you do so selflessly or you choose to stop, but you don't cry about 'that's not fair' when someone else makes a different choice than you with their own time and money.

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Unit-Healthy − YTA. And very condescending as well: 'Well, she works long hours, *but she doesn’t have kids, so I don’t know what she does on weekends*. She also doesn’t help out financially, *which I find unfair, since she makes so much money*' On weekends, she probably has a wonderful time doing hobbies, spending time with friends, or just vegging and watching TV.

What she's *not* doing is wiping little noses, changing diapers, listening to temper tantrums, cleaning up messes, or mediating childish spats. Some people enjoy that and some don't. Her life sounds admirable and pleasant.

Alice on the other hand has 5 kids, no career, isn't even married, and struggles financially. My guess is Miranda doesn't want to waste a lot of her hard earned money on Alice, who shows no signs of improving her lot in life or becoming stable and independent.

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EnRouted − YTA, in a big way. Your sister is 100% right about Alice and her choices. Your comment was unspeakably cruel. I feel terrible for Miranda. She’s done well for herself and instead of being happy for her

her family seems to think she needs to be a cash cow for her sister’s choices. You need to apologize to your sister ASAP. If she doesn’t want to speak to you again, you need to respect that and back off. You really messed up here.

AmethysstFire − YTA, a big one.. Miranda said it best: She said it wasn’t her business to feed six people, that Alice was old enough to make her choices and live with the consequences.

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You, your parents, and Alice have a lot of nerve expecting Miranda to support Alice's poor choices. Not one of you are entitled to a penny of her money. It is also none of your business what she does/doesn't do on weekends.. Edit: Thank you for the award.

DisappointingPoem − Oh wow. Miranda is 100% right and YTA.

[Reddit User] − Yup, YTA. That was an extremely low and hurtful blow. And your sister has no obligation to spend her hard earned money on anyone else. You have no idea what type of history the two sisters have with each other.

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Alice really does sound like she keeps having kids she can't afford. Her and her boyfriend are the ones financially responsible. Not anyone else. Would I ever deny my nieces and nephews necessities? Absolutely not. And it doesn't sound like Miranda is either. You are the AH and owe her a massive apology.

indignant-loris − YTA - a judgmental, unpleasant one at that. It's not Miranda's job to subsidise Alice's irresponsible behaviour. If she is already struggling financially, why have another child? Oh, because you all keep bailing her out, that's why!

Miranda got her s**t together and isn't a burden on anybody else. Maybe you should see her as an example instead of the baby-machine sister condemning her kids to poverty.. You owe Miranda a huge apology. Your comments were apalling.

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IFeelMoiGerbil − YTA for your comment. ESH as a family to Miranda but I would add one thing that I think people are missing here. OP: you are 17 which is old enough to get your ass whooped internet style on AITA for being cruel.

But you are also still a kid and I think it’s important to look at the **age gap** here. Both Alice and Miranda are quite close in age and then you are so much younger they are pretty much another generation to you right now and had a whole childhood before you arrived.

You are the ‘only child with older siblings’ age gap gulf that means you have a totally different sibling and parent dynamic to their upbringing so you honestly have no damned idea what might run deeper. Also Alice had her first kid around the age you are now so your niblings are closer in age to you that your siblings who I believe are full sibs right not half with a remarriage?

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So you don’t really remember much of a time when Alice wasn’t having kids and your parents weren’t focusing a lot on Alice and their grand kids so it sounds like its been normalized that you as only maybe 5 or 6 years older as uncle have been parentified into caring for or sharing your childhood with your nieces and nephews.

Alice has been taking your childhood to raise her FIVE kids. Your mom and dad were complicit in that and by the sound of it at least expected Miranda to pay her dues finanicially by big ticket gifts to you and them if she refused to physically parent any of the minor kids or her sister.

OP: Miranda set a boundary not to enmesh herself in a toxic situation that you have been done dirty by too. You are the only son so there might be some golden child/s**pegoat dynamics here too. But here’s the thing, a gilded cage is still a cage.

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You are giving up your weekends when you should be studying, dating, making friends, being a teen, having a job and establishing self and independence to look after your sister’s kids that their two parents amd your two parents can’t raise.

You are mad at Miranda when it’s you who runs the risk of still being at home at Alice’s age giving up your life to give her kids your chances and not realising the person here to model yourself on is Miranda. She is the person who can also help you disentangle yourself but her attempts to keep herself ‘clean’ of the mess resulted you flinging s**t in her face.

And here’s the kicker. Miranda can and does survive and thrive without the enmeshed shitshow of your family. She will be just fine without you. But you just f**ked yourself and destroyed the one ally you could have had to help you realise you are in a sinking ship.

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The lifeboat sailed because you didn’t just vent your genuine issues to Miranda like an o**rwhelmed teen might reasonably do and apologised. You went so low and so cruel you sailed her off by cutting the tow rope.

The fact you went there when and how you did shows that you had been thinking and sitting on this and she knows that while she kept a spot on her raft for you until she knew, you never had any room for her.

Miranda will very likely take this last cut and free herself and create a whole new life without family. You will feel the trappings of this a**hole moment forever **because you still don’t think you were wrong.

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You still think you had a point and she’s overreacting**. You are mad because Miranda is exposing your a**hole not because you’ve blushed at the realisation you are one. You aren’t apologetic. You are just sorry you kicked your lifeboat too hard and can’t catch it.

At this point continuing to try to contact Miranda is not apologising or peacemaking. It’s justification and it comes from the wrong place for her to trust you. You have to leave her be and see if she ever trusts you again by how you act.

Trust is built with a spoon and broken with a shovel as they say. While Miranda is out of your life you might want to look at the people actually driling holes in your boat though as to why your ass is also wet…

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cagedjaybird − YTA. Your parents are too because I'm pretty sure you started developing this opinion because you hear them being entitled and making similar comments. Alice's financial straits are largely her own fault although it feels a little harsh to say that.

If she was struggling at the beginning with two children, there is no reason she should be about to have a fifth child that she cannot afford. However, her choices are her choices. That doesn't mean Miranda needs to cover for her choices by offering up money she has worked hard for.

Miranda likely realizes that Alice will never turn things around if people continue to fund her life for her. No one is ever entitled to help from anyone. Miranda seems like she has a good head on her shoulders, she always buys 'really nice presents' according to you for all of you which costs a fair bit of money in and of itself.

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And here you are, backstabbing her by hitting her with the lowest of blows. Do not be surprised if your relationship is never the same after this. Edit: I JUST SAW YOUR REASONING IN THE JUDGEMENT BOT! YOU SAID 'My wording was extremely harsh and t**hough I believe there's some truth behind them**, I think I shouldn't have said what I said.'

HOW ON EARTH IS THERE ANY TRUTH BEHIND YOUR ACCUSATION THAT SHE WOULD BE A HORRIBLE MOTHER? I was giving you the benefit of the doubt a bit before because you're young, and I know that as teenagers

even at 17 , we're heavily influenced by the perceptions around us until we're able to get out into the world and actually grow into ourselves, but damn, that just cemented for me that you are 110% an a**hole. Wow.

Reddit’s crew calls it clear: the teen’s jab was a foul shot, and Miranda’s no cash machine. Some point fingers at Alice’s choices, others at family pressure—yikes! Can an apology patch this, or is the bond toast?

This tale of muffins, money, and a brutal zinger leaves a family fractured. A teen’s love for his nieces and nephews fueled frustration, but his harsh words to a sister—successful yet stung by life—cut too deep. Miranda’s holding her ground, the teen’s wrestling guilt, and the clan’s split. Was he wrong to snap, or does family owe more? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Toss your thoughts, regrets, or fixes into the mix—let’s stir up some healing chatter!

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