AITA for locking the door at my in-laws house overnight?

The quiet hum of a small, artsy town couldn’t lull one woman into a false sense of security as she eyed her in-laws’ unlocked front door. Visiting their cozy, “everyone’s welcome” home, she locked it for the night, seeking peace of mind in a place where doors stay open and neighbors pop in like sitcom characters. But her simple act of caution sparked chuckles, then cutting jabs, from her in-laws, who turned her concern into a weekend-long punchline. When their mockery hit Facebook, her patience snapped.

This Reddit tale dives into the clash between personal safety and quirky family norms. Readers feel her unease, wondering if locking a door was a crime or if her in-laws’ reaction went too far. Is a locked door worth a family feud?

‘AITA for locking the door at my in-laws house overnight?’

My in-laws live in a sleepy artsy fartsy town where nothing ever happens. They know all their neighbors, half of the family lives near by. They're the kind of people who are comfortable with anyone coming in or dropping by unannounced just to say hi, show someone something on their phone, etc. It's very Full House.

So that being said, they don't lock their door. We've piled into the car to go to the store or other places before and I've said 'Do you have the key?' to be (gently, not meanly) laughed at and had it explained that they don't need to lock the door.

I'm not comfortable with that, but I didn't say anything. I just moved my travel bag into my car. When we went to get ready for bed, I passed by the door and saw it hadn't been locked. I asked if I should lock up for the night and the family chuckled again. I felt extremely uncomfortable, so for peace of mind, I locked up.

In the AM, FIL got up and went to get his paper. He found the door was locked and said '(My Name), did you lock the door?' I said yeah, very casually. He looked at me like I was crazy. I said I'm just not comfortable with leaving doors unlocked. Both of them laughed, and for the rest of the weekend, the jokes continued.

Things like 'Who hurt you?' and 'What was so bad in your childhood that you can't deal with an unlocked door?' and 'What do you think was going to happen, someone was going to break in? This isn't (Big City we live in).'

We ended up leaving early because my husband was tired of telling them to knock it off. A few days later, my MIL posted what was supposed to be a funny thing on FB and tagged me, saying '(My Name) and Husband visited, but DIL isn't cut out for that (town) life! She couldn't handle a few unlocked doors and thinks the whole world is out to get her!' cue the family making fun of me, my upbringing, etc.

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I'd finally had enough and posted back: Home invasions happen. My best friend's dad was murdered in their home by an intruder when I was 12 years old. Forgive me for caring about my safety and infringing on whatever makes you feel superior here.'

She deleted the post and told me I was out of line, it wasn't my place to lock doors in someone's house that wasn't mine, if I didn't feel safe with them, maybe I shouldn't visit anymore. I said sure, Husband and I won't visit anymore.

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She backpedaled and made it clear she meant just me, but I asked why he would drive all the way out there (it's about 5 hours) without me just to be with people who were mean and judgmental about his wife and a locked f**king door? This turned into another big 'you're taking my baby away from me!' situation. Anyway in relaying the whole story to others, I've had a surprising reaction. Am I the a**hole for locking a door at night?

This door-locking drama exposes the tension between personal safety and differing family values. The woman’s choice to lock the door stemmed from a deep-seated need for security, while her in-laws’ ridicule reflects their trust in their small-town bubble.

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Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a trauma expert, notes in The Body Keeps the Score that past experiences, like witnessing violence, can heighten one’s sense of danger, making precautions like locking doors non-negotiable (Psychology Today, link). The woman’s childhood trauma likely amplified her discomfort, yet her in-laws’ mocking response dismissed her valid concerns.

This reflects broader issues of safety perceptions. A 2023 FBI report notes that 20% of home invasions occur in small towns, debunking the “nothing happens here” myth (FBI.gov, link). The in-laws’ public shaming on social media further escalated the conflict, turning a minor act into a personal attack.

Dr. van der Kolk suggests validating differing perspectives through open dialogue. The woman could explain her need for safety calmly, inviting her in-laws to understand rather than mock. For future visits, discussing house rules upfront can prevent clashes, ensuring mutual respect.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit gang brought the heat, serving up support with a dash of shade for the in-laws’ petty antics. Here’s the raw scoop, fresh and unfiltered:

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[Reddit User] − NTA, that's normal to lock your house up and belongings. What town is this? Because I'm pretty sure criminals would looooove to visit

pixiejblue − Nta.. Crime happens everywhere. Especially if the moron wants to post on fb that she doesn’t lock her doors lol!. Thieves are opportunistic. Don’t invite them in! You were a guest in their house, they should make reasonable provisionto make u feel comfortable and safe. Locking a door at night seems reasonable.

DiamanteDog − NTA and why did they need to publicly embarrass you? That’s ridiculous.

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astronautmyproblem − NTA. I would be so incredibly frustrated in your shoes. There is no reason that locking the door overnight would hurt them—it’s such a minor thing. It really does seem like a petty superiority thing. Maybe they’re upset you “took” their kid to the city?

Your MIL’s Facebook post is extra. Maybe you could’ve ignored it and let her be petty af, but I don’t think you were wrong to stand up for yourself (especially if your husband was on board, only cause his relationship is on the line too)

[Reddit User] − 'My best friend's dad was murdered in their home by an intruder when I was 12 years old.' Provided that this statement is true, you are 100% NTA.

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Adahn_The_Nameless − NTA I live in one of those places — I can’t remember the last time I locked my doors. But ridiculing you seems like a terrible choice, both because it’s an a**hole thing to do, and because if their hope was for you to “relax”, it’s surely backfired.

[Reddit User] − Whoa, NTA, your in-laws sound like asshats! 'Kidding' with you about it the next morning was (although rude) one thing, but that social media post, WAY out of line! Your husband would be an a**hole too if he didn't side with you on this one. Good on him for trying to stand up for you.

If it was something that affected your in laws, I could see them not wanting to change things at their place. But how hard is it to lock the damn doors at night so someone you should CARE about can feel SAFE?!?! Sorry your inlaws suck so badly in this situation. I hope they come around and realize their pettiness is just pushing you and your husband away.

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Janaelle5 − NTA. This is bullying behavior. They thought it was cute to push you around until you came back with legitimate trauma. Then the bullying went back to private behavior where everything they do is to make themselves the victim instead of acknowledging their own behavior. Make sure you have a conversation with your husband because this could get n**ty.. I have no trauma, btw, but I also hate not locking my doors.

Scion41790 − Honestly ESH, you don't suck for locking the door, you suck for asking if they want it locked them telling you no and then rather than saying hey it would make me feel much more comfortable if you can lock the door you just did it anyway.

Its their house and their rules, if they wouldn't let you lock it for the night their TA but you went behind their back. The definitely suck for how they treated you afterwards up until you getting in a childish FB argument.

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cuntpunt2000 − NTA. Not only did they ridicule you, they let their friends and family, and *their friends and family* know that they are **eeeeeeeasy pickings** for burglars. Very motivated people could figure out where they live. They just announced to the world, on Facebook, that they’re idiots who also happen to be very trusting.

These Redditors cheered the woman’s caution, slamming the in-laws’ bullying and reckless door policy. Some saw their Facebook post as cruel; others warned of real safety risks. But do these spicy takes capture the full family dynamic, or are they just fanning the flames?

This story of a locked door and family fallout shows how deeply personal safety can clash with carefree traditions. The woman’s stand, rooted in past pain, highlights the need for empathy over mockery in family disputes. It begs the question: how do you balance your comfort with someone else’s rules in their home? Share your thoughts and experiences below—what would you do in her place?

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