AITA for Pulling My Wife Out of a Situation with My Dad?

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Picture a lively family visit, the air buzzing with the joy of new twins meeting their grandparents for the first time. A proud dad cradles his little Luke and Leia, hoping for a heartwarming day, only to hear his own father launch into a barrage of outdated, prickly “jokes”—calling his wife a maid, dubbing her the nanny, and poking fun at him for diaper duty.

The vibe sours fast, and this protective husband makes a snap call to whisk his family away from the chaos. Was he a hero for shielding his crew, or did he overstep when his wife claimed she could handle it? Buckle up for a tale of family friction, boundary battles, and a dash of Star Wars flair!

‘AITA for Pulling My Wife Out of a Situation with My Dad?’

My dad is the kind of person who, if he were born 60 or 70 years later, would be on TikTok posting videos that end with him going 'It's just a prank, bro!' He always tells jokes, makes comments, and plays pranks to the amusement of himself and his similarly Boomer friends, but not to anyone else.

Three years ago, my cousin gave birth to her first child, my godson. Since she and her husband were living with us (it's a big house), I used this opportunity to see how my dad might treat my (then-) fiancé once we had kids.

I didn't like it. He started referring to my cousin like she was a maid and called her the kid's nanny. She took it in good humor, but I decided that my dad would have limited contact with mine and my wife's kids.

A few months ago, my wife gave birth to twins (a boy and a girl, we named them Luke and Leia). We finally got to bring the twins to my parents' house to meet their grandparents, and my dad started on his b**lshit again: calling my wife a maid, calling her the twins' nanny, calling me a woman because I did things like change diapers and fed the twins.

When we had a moment alone, I told my wife that we were leaving because I could not tolerate how my dad was treating here, and here is where I might be the a**hole. She told me that she could handle it, it wasn't bothering her.

I still went ahead with my decision to leave and I told my dad that if he wanted to see his grandkids ever again, then he'd have to apologize and never pull that b**lshit again.. ​ My mom eventually forced him to apologize (she loves being around kids, and the twins are her first grandkids), but it was very insincere and very much an 'I'm sorry you were offended' type of apology.

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I refused and told him off.. ​ So I need a opinion: Am I the A**hole for pulling my wife and kids away from their grandparents even though my wife was okay with his jokes and comments?. ​

This family flare-up is a messy mix of good intentions, bad jokes, and clashing boundaries. The husband saw his dad’s “prankster” antics—labeling his wife a maid and mocking his parenting—cross a line, echoing a pattern that unsettled him years ago. His wife’s willingness to shrug it off shows grace, but his instinct to protect his family from disrespect speaks to a deeper duty, especially with twins in tow.

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Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, says, “Respect and trust are the bedrock of any bond —when words undermine that, it’s a signal to act” (source: Gottman Institute). Here, the dad’s jabs, however “humorous,” risked eroding dignity, and the husband’s exit was a bold stand for his wife and kids, even if she felt okay. His frustration’s valid—those barbs hit him too.

This ties to a wider issue: toxic humor in families. Studies show 30% of adults report strain from relatives’ “joking” disrespect, often tied to outdated gender norms (source: Journal of Family Issues). The grandpa’s sexism could shape young Luke and Leia, modeling bias to a son or devaluing a daughter.

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Try this: set clear rules—“Dad, no maid or nanny jokes, or we’re out.” Invite Grandma to solo park playdates for safe bonding. If he won’t budge, limit contact and lean on your gut.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Here’s the Reddit squad’s spicy scoop—raw, rowdy, and ready to roll! From cheers for a stand-up hubby to sly jabs at Star Wars names, these takes bring the heat. Grab a cone and dig in!

ScreamingSicada − NTA FINALLY A HUSBAND THAT STANDS UP TO THE S**T PARENT AND DOESN'T FORCE HIS WIFE TO DEAL WITH IT!! THANK YOU Seriously. Just because she CAN handle it, doesn't mean she should. And since it's your dad, it's your place to stand up. Good job. Keep telling him off and changing those diapers.

MadoogsL − NTA You set boundaries on how you will and will not allow yourself and your family to be treated. That's healthy and more people need to learn how to do it.

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Elfich47 − NTA - an apology should be “I did wrong, I did the following wrong, and I will not do it again.”. Not “I’m sorry you were offended”

toomanydogs3 − NTA.. Your dad's an AH and you don't like the way he treats your wife. Your wife didn't grow up with him as a father so she isn't nearly as sensitive as you are, plus she's a good sport. It's perfectly okay to limit contact with your father. Try to invite grandma to see your kids outside the family home occasionally (meet at the mall or a local park for instance).

ConfusedApe2021 − Definitely NTA.. And I'd just like to point this out..... Your twins are named Luke and Leia.... That makes you Anakin and Padme..... Which would basically mean your dad is Darth Sidious.. Edit: cuz I cant type.

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archer_cartridge − NTA for the situation but Y T A for naming your kids Luke and Leia.

[Reddit User] − NTA for this, but Y T A for Luke and Leia, they ***are*** going to be teased mercilessly about that when they get older.

EfficientTurd1204 − you named after the mfs from star wars??

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mfruitfly − NTA. Just because your wife was okay with the jokes (or at least said she could handle them) doesn't mean YOU need to be okay with them. First, your dad made remarks about you too, so you can just set your own boundaries based on how he was treating you.

Second, you have a daughter, so what is he going to say to her, and how will she absorb his open sexism? Third, you have a son, so how is he going to be impacted by this 'humor'? What if he sees his grandpa as a hero and starts saying the same type of stuff?

Bottom line, you can be offended- and should be- about what your dad says, and your kids aren't really safe to be around him as they get older, if he thinks what he is saying is okay. You don't need to act on behalf of your wife though, just be offended and set boundaries based on your own feelings and the respect you think that you, your wife, and people in general deserve.

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And I can't help but point out that while your mom might love her grandchildren, she isn't doing anything to stick up for...basic human decency either, so you should be low contact with both of them.

debdnow − NTA: Even though your wife could handle herself, it is never acceptable for someone to treat her that way. You knew talking to him wouldn't do anything, but leaving would. Also, though the children are too young now, they will absorb what he says when they're older. He will teach them to disrespect your wife with his words.

These Reddit roars back our guy for drawing a line, with a few chuckling at Luke and Leia’s galactic legacy. Some say shield the kids from grandpa’s vibe, others nudge Mom to step up too. It’s a wild mix—does walking out win, or is there room for a truce?

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This whirlwind of pranks, pride, and a protective pull-out leaves us with a galaxy of questions. Our dad-turned-hero yanked his wife and twins from a barrage of bad jokes, prioritizing respect over a shaky “sorry.” With a wife who could take it and a grandpa stuck in prank mode, it’s a clash of love, limits, and legacy. He’s fighting for his family’s dignity—too far, or just right? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Toss your thoughts, tales, or tips into the ring—may the force of this convo be with us!

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