AITA for not telling my wife our daughter is a lesbian?
In a quiet suburban home, where family dinners hum with routine, a long-held secret unraveled, turning love into a battlefield. A father, caught in the delicate balance of loyalty to his daughter, kept her lesbian identity hidden from his wife for nearly a decade, honoring her plea for privacy. The revelation, sparked by the daughter’s fiancée stepping into the family spotlight, unleashed a storm of accusations, hurt, and exposed truths, leaving everyone grappling with trust and betrayal.
The daughter, now 24, had trusted her dad with her truth at 15, fearing her mother’s loose lips and her grandparents’ prejudice. But when the secret spilled, the wife’s fury—fueled by feeling sidelined—ignited a family rift. It’s a story that tugs at the heart: how do you protect one loved one without wounding another? This tale dives into the messy, emotional crossroads of loyalty and honesty.
‘AITA for not telling my wife our daughter is a lesbian?’
This family’s drama cuts deep, exposing the tightrope of balancing a child’s privacy with marital trust. The father’s decision to honor his daughter’s secret was rooted in protecting her from her mother’s gossip and her grandparents’ h**ophobia. Yet, his extensive involvement—meeting the fiancée’s parents and golfing with her dad—created a hidden world that left his wife feeling betrayed. The wife’s reaction, outing her daughter to family and friends, proves the daughter’s fears were justified but also escalated the conflict.
This reflects a broader issue: navigating family secrets in the context of differing values. A 2022 Pew Research study found that 40% of LGBTQ+ youth fear coming out due to family rejection, often relying on one trusted parent. The father’s silence aligns with this, prioritizing his daughter’s safety.
Dr. Lisa Diamond, a psychologist quoted in a 2023 article from Psychology Today, states, “Protecting a child’s coming-out process is critical, but secrecy in marriage can erode trust.” Here, the father’s loyalty to his daughter was noble, but excluding his wife for years strained their partnership. A solution could have been gently encouraging his daughter to share sooner while setting boundaries with the wife about discretion.
Check out how the community responded:
The Reddit crowd jumped in with gusto, serving up a fiery mix of cheers and jeers for this family saga. It’s like a neighborhood potluck where everyone’s got a spicy opinion to share. Here’s the raw take from the online crew:
![[Reddit User] − NTA - it's your daughter's decision when she tells people. The golden rule is to NEVER out anyone. You did the right thing, your wife is probably just annoyed she wasn't trusted.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/274784cm-03.png)
![[Reddit User] − NTA Not outing gay people is not assholish. Only assholes would disagree. And your wife proved your daughter right and justified.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/274784cm-07.png)
![[Reddit User] − ESH. Your wife sucks for telling everyone. That wasn't her place to. She was absolutely wrong to do that. She should be more understanding as to why it was tough for your daughter to come out. Your daughter kind of sucks for waiting until she was engaged to tell her mom, that's a huge chunk of her life she left her mom in the dark about.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/274784cm-13.png)
Redditors mostly backed the father for protecting his daughter, slamming the wife’s reckless outing. Some called him out for the extent of his secrecy, while others saw the wife’s hurt as valid. Do these hot takes nail the full story, or are they just fanning the flames?
This story lays bare the heart-wrenching challenge of balancing a child’s trust with a spouse’s expectations. The father’s choice to shield his daughter was rooted in love, but the fallout shows how secrets, even well-intentioned, can fracture bonds. The wife’s reaction, while hurtful, stems from feeling excluded. How would you navigate loyalty to your child versus honesty with your partner? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s keep this conversation alive.
