AITA for telling my brother the reality of getting married young?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a cozy family dinner, the kind where laughter usually flows as easily as the wine, but tonight, tension crackles in the air. A 30-year-old woman, seasoned by a marriage that began at 18, faces her 19-year-old brother’s wide-eyed dreams of a quick wedding. When he asks for her advice, she doesn’t sugarcoat it—she lays bare the gritty reality of marrying young. Her honesty, meant to guide, sparks a family firestorm, leaving her wondering if truth was the wrong guest to invite.

Now, the table is set with divided opinions: her parents and her brother’s fiancée’s family are fuming, calling her the villain for derailing young love. The Reddit community, however, cheers her candor, urging her brother to pause and reflect. This tale of tough love and family fallout begs the question: is honesty always the best policy when dreams are on the line?

‘AITA for telling my brother the reality of getting married young?’

My brother is 19 as is his girlfriend. The two are currently engaged. She wants a quick wedding and he asked me for advice. I (30F) got married at 18. My husband and I are still together so I assumed my brother thought we were perfect to ask.

My brother asked me what getting married so young was like as he assumed everything would be exactly the same as it is now except he’d be married. I told him no, everything changes. I basically told him that being married no matter your age is hard and even more so when you’re young. Every decision you make isn’t just about you, but also your spouse.

You combine more things such as money and you sacrifice a lot so you can reach a comfortable compromise. I said yeah, there are a lot of positives but being married is a lot different than being engaged or just dating. I said he needed to be prepared as it was a life commitment and to only do it if you really think you can make it work.

I guess he wasn’t expecting my brutal honesty as all of a sudden, the idea of him and his fiancée getting married was shot down by him. Now, I’ve got my parents and her family telling me how much of an AH I am because I’m preventing them from doing what they wanna do.

Navigating the leap from dating to marriage can feel like stepping onto a tightrope— exhilarating but daunting, especially at 19. The original poster (OP) faced a classic dilemma: her brother sought advice, but her honesty flipped the script on his plans. Marriage at a young age often demands sacrifices that young couples may not foresee. According to a 2021 study from the Journal of Marriage and Family , couples marrying before 25 face a 41% higher divorce risk, largely due to financial stress and emotional immaturity.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Successful marriages are built on mutual respect and shared goals, which require emotional readiness” . Here, the OP’s blunt advice highlighted the need for her brother to assess his readiness for lifelong commitment. His quick retreat suggests he wasn’t fully prepared, and her words may have saved him from a hasty decision. Still, the family’s backlash reveals a common tension: protecting young love versus preparing for its challenges.

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The broader issue is society’s romanticized view of marriage, often glossing over its demands. Young couples may prioritize passion over practicality, ignoring how shared finances or compromises shape daily life. The OP’s approach, though sharp, was a wake-up call. For others in similar spots, open dialogue with partners about expectations—money, career, even personal growth—can clarify readiness. Counseling or premarital workshops, like those offered by The Gottman Institute , can also equip couples to face these realities together.

Ultimately, the OP’s honesty wasn’t about control but empowerment. By sharing her experience, she gave her brother tools to make an informed choice. Families navigating similar talks should focus on understanding, not blame, to foster decisions that stand the test of time.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and sass for the OP’s truth bomb. They rallied behind her, with some calling her brother’s cold feet a sign he wasn’t ready for the altar. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the community:

[Reddit User] − NTA. He asked and you delivered. Getting married at that age is something that shouldn’t be rushed into and it’s good you told him straight. It sounds like if that’s the parents reaction, they expected your brother and his girlfriend to rush into a marriage he clearly doesn’t want me isn’t ready for.

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RLxeno − NTA. He doesnt want to get married soo young and was looking for confirmation. At least, thats what i read from his reaction. How has he treated you since?

HowardProject − NTA - Anyone who can be talked out of marriage in a couple of conversations about the realities of commitment and responsibility should NOT be getting married.

S4bbyx − NTA. It’s better for him in the long run to realise that marriage is not a bed of roses. Frankly he came to you for advice and it’s up to him to decide if he is going to take your advice or not. It’s not like you’re holding him at gun point and stopping him from getting married. If he’s that easily swayed by you, I don’t think he’s ready for marriage at this stage.

Dszquphsbnt − Step 1: A Question. My brother asked me what getting married so young was like. Step 2: An Answer I basically told him that being married no matter your age is hard and even more so when you’re young.. Step 3: The Assholes: Now, I’ve got my parents and her family telling me how much of an AH I am because I’m preventing them from doing what they wanna do. **NTA**

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bergreen − NTA. He asked an honest question, got an honest and fair answer.

MAN-LIKE-WELSHY − NTA - you gave him an objective view based on personal experience, to a question he asked. If just that conversation is enough to give him cold feet, you just saved them both a lot of money on a wedding and a divorce.

Sephonez − NTA. Its better he hear the absolute truth before making such an adult decision. Marriage isn't all roses and walks on the beach, it's also hard times, compromise and work and it's only going to survive if both parties are mature enough and serious enough to understand that.. Better to learn that before then after.

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iglidante − I said yeah, there are a lot of positives but being married is a lot different than being engaged or just dating. This is interesting, because I genuinely feel like my relationship with my wife did not change *at all* once we were married. We weren't any less committed when we were dating, or cohabiting, or cohabiting with pets and a kid - than we are now married, with two kids, pets, and a house.

LillytheFurkid − NTA. You told the truth as you see it, based on your experience. Nothing aholish about that. Your brother has obviously had his own doubts, so he's done the right thing too by slowing things down. Young women often have a rosy view of marriage and its not a bad thing to be given a reality check.
These Redditors backed the OP’s no-nonsense approach, praising her for sparing her brother a potential misstep. Some saw the family’s outrage as overblown, while others noted the girlfriend’s rush might hide deeper issues. But do these hot takes capture the full picture, or are they just fanning the flames of drama?

This story shows how a dose of reality can shake up even the best-laid plans. The OP’s honesty, though tough, sparked a necessary pause for her brother, proving that love sometimes needs a reality check. Families can clash when dreams meet pragmatism, but open talks can bridge the gap. What would you do if a loved one asked for your unfiltered take on a life-changing decision? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep the conversation going!

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