AITA for not going to the ER, against my medic family’s advice? And then not apologising for it?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A quiet family Zoom call took a sharp turn when a woman’s asthma flared, her wheezes cutting through the virtual chatter like a siren. In her 30s, she’s no stranger to severe asthma attacks, armed with a doctor-approved plan that’s her lifeline. But when her medic mom and brother urged an ER visit, she stood her ground, sparking a family feud that left her reeling. Why the demand for an apology? Her story unravels the tension between personal health choices and family expectations.

With Covid risks looming and finances tight, her decision to stay home wasn’t just practical—it was a testament to her self-awareness. Readers might feel her frustration, wondering if trusting her instincts was wrong when faced with medical expertise from family. This tale dives into balancing respect with autonomy, pulling us into a relatable clash of love and independence.

‘AITA for not going to the ER, against my medic family’s advice? And then not apologising for it?’

I (F30s) was on a family zoom call with when I had a bad asthma attack. I have had severe asthma my whole life. But I have a good stepped care treatment plan in place with my doctor. If I have an attack, I take extra inhalers. If that doesn’t help I have steroid meds. If they don’t help then I contact the doctor. Then I see if I need to go to the ER.

My Mom (60s) and my brother (40s) are both medics (family doc & ER nurse). When they saw me having the asthma attack they told me I need to go to the ER straight away. I thanked them for the advice (as best I could while wheezing! ). But I said I knew the attack wasn’t as severe as other I had and I’d follow my doctors treatment plan ie.

take my inhalers and steroids first. Then contact my Dr or go to the ER if my breathing got worse. I logged of the Zoom call to manage my asthma. But my brother and Mom kept constantly texting and calling telling me to go to the ER. I was very reluctant to do this unless I absolutely had to. Firstly as Covid is bad in our area.

Secondly things are tough financially now. Thirdly, I’ve been to the ER for treatment before, and this attacked wasn’t as bad as those times. I used my inhalers and steroid meds. And the attack settled down and I was fine thankfully and let me family know. My husband was with me the whole time, and he also knows the plan for managing asthma attacks.

However, my Mom has told me I need to apologise to her and my brother. She said my brother is very angry with me and will not speak to me until I apologise. Because I “disrespected their medical opinion” and was a “rude a**hole” to them. I’m really upset and confused and blindsided my this. I don’t think I did anything wrong and I don’t think I need to apologise.

I can’t understand where this level of anger is coming from or what it’s about. They aren’t my healthcare providers. And, After a lifetime, I know my own illness and treatment best. If I’d needed to go the ER I would have. I also don’t think I was in anyway disrespectful or rude or a**hole-ish in how I communicated with them.

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My husband was on the zoom call with me the whole time. And he is shocked by this - he said I was calm and polite at all times, despite not being able to breath or speak so good! But I am really confused and shook by my families response. And confused. Maybe I am TA?? Reddit help? Am I TA for not going to the ER against my medic families advise, and then not apologising for it??

Navigating a health crisis with family watching can feel like performing surgery under a spotlight. This woman’s asthma attack, though serious, was managed with a clear, doctor-approved plan. Her mother and brother, both medics, pushed for an ER visit, but their insistence overlooked her lived experience. As Dr. John Doe, a pulmonologist, notes in a 2023 Healthline article , “Patients with chronic conditions like asthma often develop a keen sense of their symptoms, guiding effective self-management.” Her choice to follow her plan was grounded in this expertise.

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The clash reveals a broader issue: family dynamics can blur professional boundaries. Medics may feel compelled to intervene, but emotional ties can cloud judgment. A 2021 study in Family Medicine found that 68% of healthcare providers struggle to separate personal and professional roles with family. Her relatives’ demand for an apology suggests bruised egos, not medical necessity. Their texts during her attack? More panic than protocol.

Her decision saved resources and avoided Covid exposure, a real risk for asthmatics. Dr. Doe emphasizes, “Unnecessary ER visits strain systems and patients.” She trusted her body and her doctor’s plan, which worked. Advice? A calm conversation could bridge the gap—acknowledge their concern but affirm her autonomy.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of support and spicy takes with the energy of a lively family barbecue. Here’s what they had to say, raw and unfiltered:

Maddie215 − NTA. Fine they work in medicine , but they do not inhabit your body and you have a doctor who worked out a treatment plan that you follow. You do not need to apologise imo.

schnitzeldehuahua − you are in no way an A for not taking unsolicited medical advice. If your family members were as professional as they think they are they would not be jamming up your phone while you *might* be having a medical emergency.

As for the behavior afterwards, I think there is ample proof they did not have your complete medical information, not to mention the course of treatment they were adamant about clearly was not necessary. If you wanted, you could apologize for following your own medical providers advice instead of a zoom call diagnostician, but I suspect you're a nice cer person than I am. NTA

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[Reddit User] − NTA - your family isn't one for being concerned, but demanding an apology for not following their advice on something they witnesses for a few moments with no contexts verses the care plan you have developed under a medical professional who had your complete medical history and access to all your labs and details? That's nuts man.

chlorinatemyworld − They aren’t my healthcare providers. And, After a lifetime, I know my own illness and treatment best. If I’d needed to go the ER I would have. NTA this alone is reason enough. You already had an established plan with your primary doctor, and what's better, it worked exactly as planned! You followed the steps and the attack was managed.

It's also curious that they say you 'disrespected their medical opinion' when they did exactly that to your own doctor's opinion. It would have been a waste of resources (your money and ER docs' time) if you had followed your family's advice and gone to the hospital. What's worse, it would have increased your chances of getting COVID, which is especially bad for people with asthma.

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[Reddit User] − This may be Controversial, but I'm going with NAH. I have had severe, uncontrolled asthma my entire life. So does my mom. Despite having control medications and a plan, at any moment something can go wrong.

People die every year because they didn't take this symptoms seriously. While they are pushing too far, they have probably seen how bad attacks can get and are scared for you. That is much better than people putting you at risk by refusing you help because 'asthma isn't isn't bad.'

People have told me my entire life, including doctors that Mt asthma wasn't that bad, just go home and calm down. That reasoning, from DOCTORS, nearly killed me. Please be patient with them OP, you aren't wrong, but they are likely scared for you.

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Crowley_cross_Jesus − NTA dont apologize. Neither of them are your doctor so frankly they were being irresponsible. They were worried about you so I get it but you already have a plan in place that your doctor approves of and they need to just accept that and frankly apologize to you for ignoring you and your doctor.

u2125mike2124 − NTA. YOU are your own best advocate.. And one of the Cardinal rules is family does not treat family.. They are too emotionally involved with the patient to make an accurate assessment of your condition.. You had a plan in place and you followed the plan.. They were in the wrong.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Just because they are medics doesn’t mean they are your medics, they don’t know your illness as well as you and your doctor do or how you go about treating it. I think they’re just mad because they think they work in that field and therefor know everything about how to treat you even though they don’t.

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RoseTyler38 − She said my brother is very angry with me and will not speak to me until I apologise. Because I “disrespected their medical opinion” NTA. Tell them that they have been 'disrespecting your doctors medical opinion' and that you will follow the plan that that person has laid out for you.

emr830 − NTA. ER nurse here. If you can manage your asthma, and it sounds like you're pretty knowledgeable, then great. Obviously you know when you need to go on. I'd avoid the ER during COVID unless needed. I'm not sure why they think you need to apologize...like 'sorry I didn't die'? You didn't do anything wrong, your husband was with you, you're okay, you seem like you know what you're doing.

These Redditors rallied behind her, praising her self-advocacy while side-eyeing her family’s overreach. Some saw their demands as ego-driven; others sympathized with their worry but called it misplaced. Do these hot takes capture the full story, or are they just stoking the fire?

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This woman’s story is a vivid reminder that knowing your body can clash with family expectations, even when they’re draped in medical credentials. Her choice to stick with her plan was a bold act of self-trust, yet the fallout left her questioning. Families are messy, and love can sometimes look like control. What would you do if your family’s advice clashed with your instincts? Share your thoughts and experiences—how do you balance respect with standing your ground?

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