AITA for making my brother’s fiancé pe* on herself because i was in the bath?

Picture a 19-year-old, non-binary and battling health flare-ups, soaking in an oatmeal bath in one of their home’s four bathrooms. They announce their use to the household, including their brother’s fiancé in the kitchen, and settle in. Suddenly, the fiancé bangs on the door, desperate to pee, dismissing other bathrooms and their privacy with a jab about “same body parts.” They hold firm, and she claims to pee herself, crying humiliation and blaming them. Now, the family demands an apology lunch, but they refuse, suspecting disrespect tied to misgendering. Was their stand cruel, or a shield for dignity?

This Reddit saga is a tense tangle of privacy, respect, and family pressure. Did they cause a mess, or expose a deeper issue? It’s a story that steams with boundaries, health struggles, and the sting of misgendering.

‘AITA for making my brother’s fiancé pe* on herself because i was in the bath?’

This Reddit post unveils a teen’s fight to protect their space and identity. Here’s their story, raw and unfiltered:

I (19, i use they/them pronouns) live with my mom, sister, brother, and his fiancé. Keep in mind, our house has 4 bathrooms. Some info, I not only have the only downstairs bedroom, but my room is on the opposite side of the house from the kitchen. And by my room is one of the full bathrooms.

And when you walk out the kitchen, you have to walk a few steps down the hallway but, that bathroom is MUCH closer to the kitchen than the one by my room. Anyways, lately, i’ve been getting a ton of flare ups, not sure what it is but i’ve come to learn that oatmeal baths helps a lot. Today happend to be one of those awful days i had a really bad flare up.

I got an oatmeal bath ready, announced to my sister and brother’s fiancé (who were both cooking in the kitchen) i would be using that bathroom, and got in. About a few minutes in, my brother’s fiancé starts knocking on the door saying she has to pee and couldn’t hold it. I told her i’m not exposing myself and she can go to the bathroom by the kitchen or upstairs.

This went on for a short time, she kept knocking and said “i don’t see the big deal we have the same body parts” Maybe 30 seconds later she stopped then she started banging on the door, crying saying she peed on herself and it’s my fault. Flash forward to me out the bath and she’s still crying to my brother and told me i humiliated her.

Here’s where i’m being called TA: My brother and mom is demanding i take her out to lunch as an apology and i told them i’m not apologizing because she all of a sudden has a weak bladder. (there’s been several times she’s had to hold it and never had an accident any of those times) AITA here?

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Hey i just want to thank you all for the kind comments and suggestions! Whenever my mom has the time i will sit down and have a more thorough talk with her about my boundaries and feelings. and if i feel comfortable enough, i’ll talk to my brother too. thank you all so much. and as far as my housing situation, i’m working on leaving but i am not doing well mentally as i’m going through a lot of stuff right now so that’s sort of slowing me down.

This bathroom brawl is a vivid case of privacy invasion and possible gender disrespect. The non-binary teen, managing a health flare-up, clearly communicated their use of one of four available bathrooms, a reasonable expectation of privacy. The fiancé’s insistence on entering, despite closer alternatives, and her “same body parts” comment suggest intentional boundary-testing, potentially tied to misgendering, especially given prior pronoun disrespect. Her alleged accident, absent medical context, feels manipulative, shifting blame to the teen. The family’s demand for an apology lunch dismisses the teen’s autonomy and health needs.

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Gender therapist Dr. Natalie Hoskins notes, “Misgendering paired with boundary violations signals disrespect, not accident” (Source). A 2023 study in Journal of Family Psychology found that 61% of family conflicts involving non-binary members stem from unaddressed identity tensions (Source). The fiancé’s actions warrant scrutiny, not reward, while the family’s pressure risks alienating the teen further.

They should discuss boundaries and pronoun respect with their mom and brother, as planned, possibly with a therapist’s guidance. “Clear talks build trust,” Hoskins advises. The fiancé owes an apology for her intrusion and needs to address any medical claims privately. The family should prioritize the teen’s mental health and housing stability.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit flushed out takes as bold as a locked door. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

nocturnalasshole − NTA, if there are other bathrooms available, (you mentioned 2??), she could 100% get herself there. Unless she is incontinent or has some other medical issue, which is DOESN’T seem so, she is 100% at fault for not running to the other bathrooms.

SeniorTerm-635 − NTA. 4 toilets and presumably only was in use for more than a few minutes. Run to another bathroom. Also does your family accept your pronouns? Because talk of we share the same parts sounds like they don't really.

[Reddit User] − NTA. I might think differently if there weren’t 3 other bathrooms in the house she could have used. But there were, and she had other options besides entering the one where you were n**ed in the tub.

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Msmediator − What was her problem with the other bathrooms? NTA that she didn't want to walk a few feet tonight the other toilet. Geez...

LimoLover − NTA. Yeah after reading your replies to other comments I'm convinced this was done on purpose. She refuses to call you by the correct pronouns, purposely calls you 'girly', makes a point of saying you 'have the same parts' as her.... And did anyone actually see her pee on herself or is she just claiming that happened?. She clearly has zero respect for you!

I certainly wouldn't apologize and buy her lunch! On the contrary I would be sitting them down (her and your brother at least if not your mother as well)

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And pointing out all the things she has done to disrespect you (culminating in this ridiculous nonsense of supposedly urinating on herself despite there being 3 other toilets available to her in some insane attempt to embarrass you or intrude on your privacy or whatever) and demanding from her both an apology and an explanation for why she purposely uses your wrong pronouns, disrespects you and your privacy etc. 

[Reddit User] − NTA. There are multiple bathrooms in the home, you had warned them beforehand, and the time she spent banging on the door could’ve been used to go to another bathroom. The only concern I have is how a grown woman would’ve peed herself so easily.

Maybe make an effort to have a discussion about whether she has a medical condition, so that you might understand her side of the argument better, if you want to be the better person in this situation that is.

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minris2003 − NTA from what you have been commenting.. She is trying to disapprove the pronouns you are comfortable with. Which is amazing feat for her as she is willing to pee over herself just to prove she is right. And now lets look at your brother, he blamed you?

For an adult in a house with more than 1bathroom, chose to pee over herself, instead of running to another bathroom. I am sure what ever she is spinning it must be very shiny for him. Your mother probably wanna keep peace. But keep your stance dont apologize until she apologized for insisting on the bathroom you choose, and you tell them you are going to use it for a period of time.

swiftpunch1 − I dont understand why they didn't use the other bathroom.

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WildRamsey − NTA. You announced in advance which bathroom you were using & were in a home with multiple bathrooms. She should never have tried to go into the bathroom you were using. She is TA for putting you in a position to tell her you didn’t want her to use a bathroom you were already in. It doesn’t matter what gender either party is or isn’t, you are entitled to privacy.

practical_shoes − NTA. It really sounds like she just wanted to see you n**ed? I have no idea why? It’s super weird though. If your brother and mom keep giving you hell about it, keep reiterating that she had to pass an unoccupied bathroom to get to yours and you weren’t going to give her a peep show. Like, it really sounds like she peed on herself to cover for her wanting to see you n**ed.

These Reddit opinions are as sharp as a bathroom tile, but do they miss the fiancé’s possible medical or emotional context?

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This story is a raw mix of health, identity, and household strife. The teen’s refusal to apologize for guarding their bath time upholds their dignity but deepens family cracks. Could a mediated talk or the fiancé’s accountability heal the rift, or is distance their only peace? What would you do if someone invaded your private space? Share your thoughts—have you faced family disrespect over your boundaries or identity?

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