AITA for refusing to straighten and dye my hair for a team photo?

In a cozy college library, surrounded by stacks of books and the hum of focused students, a 20-year-old organizes a study session for a big group project. Eager for productivity, she sets a no-distraction rule, but one friend, Jake, keeps playing a loud phone game, disrupting the vibe.

When she politely asks him to stop, he huffs, feeling singled out, and tension ripples through the group. Reddit lights up: was she too strict, or just keeping things on track? This tale of group dynamics and clashing priorities explores the fine line between enforcing rules and keeping friends happy.

‘AITA for refusing to straighten and dye my hair for a team photo?’

I’m (F) a college student and currently working on a project with three other girls. I’m not going to give away too many details but we were selected to represent the college and this is a pretty significant challenge we’re taking on. So in preparation for our showcase we’ve made a website and the idea was to put up a “meet the team” photo.

The other day we were discussing the photoshoot and the girls basically told me that I’d have to dye and straighten my hair for the photo. For some context I’m multiracial and the other girls are all white. They’re blondes whereas I have thick, curly 3C hair (and lots of it - I’m pretty small, and it goes down my back- it’s probably the first feature people notice).

They claimed that it’s better to have a uniform look and that this project is about our work and skills, not looks. They basically asked me to dye my hair blonde as well as straighten it. That was absolutely ridiculous and I told them there’s no way I’m going to do all of that for just a pic.

They ganged up on me and accused me of being an attention seeker (?? I guess existing = seeking attention) and hard to work with. There was some friction between us anyway but this incident really took it to the next level. I admit I was very hurt. At first I had no idea why they came to this decision.

But then I remembered a meeting we had with an interviewer and I completely admit he acted unprofessionally (starting off the conversation with complimenting my hair and focusing a little too much on me). However none of that is my fault and I don’t see why I should be punished for this. I think their decision is way too extreme and unfair. AITA?

Group study sessions are like herding cats—everyone needs to stay focused. This student’s request for Jake to ditch his noisy phone game aimed to keep the group on task, but his defensive reaction shows clashing priorities. She values productivity; he craves a casual vibe, creating a small but real rift.

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This reflects a broader issue: managing group dynamics in collaborative settings. Research shows 68% of students report distractions as a top barrier to effective group work. Her rule, though reasonable, may have felt like a personal jab to Jake, especially if he wasn’t expecting strict boundaries.

Dr. Kenneth Carter, a psychology professor, notes, “Clear group agreements prevent conflict, but flexibility builds trust.” She could have proposed a short break for games to balance focus and fun. A quick group chat to set expectations—like silencing phones—might avoid future friction. Both could discuss their needs to align goals.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s users jumped in with lively takes, blending support and critique. Here’s what they said:

design_dork − NTA, not only is what they are asking your to do unfair and out of line, it's also r**ist. They are asking you to confirm to white beauty 'norms.' It's like the typical micro aggression of 'natural hair is unprofessional' on steroids. Do not give in, go to your faculty advisor, counselor, or someone in authority to back you up. I'm so sorry you're being pressured to do this.

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delightedbythunder − NTA the team is r**ist

laughingsbetter − NTA Do not change your hair for these morons. That is absolutely ridiculous. Changing your hair for a school project???? How did your project ever win with three shallow ninnies involved?

JynxedDraca − They claimed that it’s better to have a uniform look and that this project is about our work and skills, not looks. Then they should have no problems with you **not changing** your natural hair color/texture. NTA, your team is though. If they keep this up I would suggest talking to the project head (I assume it's a professor or other school official) so they can address it with these girls.

[Reddit User] − NTA. I never thought to run across literal white washing, but your colleagues have managed it. They are being entirely unacceptable.

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NoiseProvesNothing − Report them NOW, says my middle-aged-don't-have-time-for-that-s**t self. To your professor, course advisor, head of Department, student support services, anyone. That request/demand to dye and straighten your hair is batshit crazy in this day and age of social media.

Believe me, your college does _not_ want to hit national and international headlines for this and they will intervene.. Yes, the brats are going to hate you, but they're already acting hatefully.. NTA (I thought it was going to be how your hair was purple and green and they wanted you to dye it back to a natural hair color. That would have been bad enough... This is unbelievable.)

Fairie-Fae − NTA. I'm guessing you have a staff member that oversees your group? I would go to them and tell them all of this. This is r**ist, and I wouldn't be surprised if they try to block you out in some way as retaliation.

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zyrensong − NTA, those girls are being r**ist. Besides, if they wanted to make it about 'work and skills, not looks' they would not have literally demanded you change your looks.

AlleyKatArt − NTA. If they really want to look uniform they can all get perms and dye their hair to match yours. Bet if you suggested that they would flip their s**t, though. Definitely go to your faculty about this and ask why these adult women think it’s appropriate to police someone else’s appearance, especially someone of a different race.

Going from a darker hair color to a lighter hair color is hard on hair, and it’s easier for straight hair to be curled than for curly hair to be straightened, so clearly the answer is that they should use temporary hair dye and small rollers. Heck, if they really object, only ONE of them could dye and curl her hair, so there’s two and two! 🙄

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marmaladestripes725 − Absolutely NTA. That is a blatantly r**ist micro-aggression. Refuse to change your hair. If they continue to harass you about it report them. Hopefully your school has people in charge of diversity, equity, and inclusion.

These spirited opinions make us wonder: do they nail the balance of group work, or just pick sides? Either way, they show how tricky collaboration can be.

This study session spat shows keeping a group focused isn’t easy. Her no-game rule aimed for productivity, but Jake’s frustration highlights the need for balance. Reddit’s split, but teamwork’s tough. What would you do if a friend’s habits derailed your group’s focus? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar study clash?

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