AITA Wealthy Mother-in-Law?

Imagine a cozy family evening, kids giggling, until your mother-in-law, dripping with wealth, declares your daughter needs a $1,600 iPad Pro—and you’ll foot the bill. For one dad, this unasked-for splurge by his out-of-touch MIL, followed by her claim his kids are “going without,” sparked a fiery clash. Packing up his kids and leaving, he now faces her voicemails and his brother-in-law’s texts, while his wife urges peace. Was he wrong to draw a line, or protecting his family’s values?

This Reddit saga unpacks a clash of privilege, parenting, and purse strings. With the MIL’s lavish worldview colliding with the dad’s practical approach, their spat reveals deeper family fault lines. Reddit’s dishing out sharp takes, so let’s dive into this high-stakes drama with a touch of wit and heart.

‘AITA Wealthy Mother-in-Law?’

A bit of context. My mother-in-law grew up in a wealthy family. She had a pony as a child, and her father ran a number of successful car dealerships. By the time she was 17, she received a new car every year on her birthday.

When she finished her 1st year of college, her parents sent her to Europe to go 'backpacking', in a brand new VW beetle convertible for 2 months. After her parents passed away, she inherited a substantial amount, but followed the advice of her older brother and invested.

She is out of touch with the costs of living (she has a 'professional assistant' who does all her shopping). Last night, while looking on while her grandchildren were playing, she commented that my eldest daughter 'needs' a new iPad (her current one is a 6th gen).

So, without asking, she starts the online ordering process for the latest iPad, but not just any iPad, but an iPad Pro with all the whistles and bells (roughly $1,600). And then says that I will 'pay her back' when it arrives. When I told her to stop and that she's was overstepping, then the crap really hit the fan.

She starts going on about how my children are going without, and how this will negatively affect them as they get older. In reality, they don't go without. My wife (who wasn't there at the time) and I provide well for our children, meeting all of their needs and selectively granting their wants.

They are fed nutritious food, clothed well, and attend a good school. We can afford to buy the iPad, but in my opinion, it’s an unnecessary purchase. One of my girls is learning soccer & dance (her choice) and the other is now a black belt in TKD (again, her choice).

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But in their grandmother's mind, they're missing out. They don’t go skiing in Vermont, or take horseback riding lessons (or own a pony). The argument escalated quickly, with her son (first born) coming to her rescue (he's forever borrowing money from his mom).

I was being 'ungrateful' and 'boorish'. So I packed up the kids and left Upon arriving home, she left 5 voicemails on our answering machine. They start out cordial (directed to my wife) and rapidly go downhill. She has no concept of what she's doing and the consequences.

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Am I the a**hole for putting my foot down and stopping this behavior before it gets out of control? More info: my wife doesn’t want to stir up trouble with the MIL. She doesn’t like confronting her mom. For me, this was one step too far over the line. This is where the AITA stems from.

New Update: the BIL has been texting me all day, questioning my decision to not let his mom (MIL) “help” me. He bragged that she purchased a new iMac for his daughter a few weeks back (for school, but keep in mind the school supplied Chromebooks to every student for virtual learning).

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His reasoning is that she won’t have to squint at a smaller screen. Mommy Dearest dropped $5,000+. Oh, and she’s 11. If I didn’t love my wife so much, I’d head to the hills. There was no indication they were this way while dating or when we first married. My wife’s reasoning is that her mother is elderly and won’t be with us much longer.

A grandmother’s gift can warm the heart, but this MIL’s unilateral iPad order, paired with a payback demand, crosses financial and parental boundaries. Her critique of the family’s lifestyle reeks of privilege, ignoring their balanced approach to needs versus wants. Family therapist Dr. Susan Heitler notes, “Respecting a family’s autonomy strengthens bonds; imposing values breeds resentment”. The MIL’s wealth doesn’t entitle her to dictate, and the dad’s firm stance protects his parental role.

This mirrors broader tensions with affluent in-laws. A 2022 study in Family Relations found 44% of couples report conflicts when in-laws impose financial “help” without consent, often tied to differing socioeconomic values. The wife’s reluctance to confront her mother complicates resolution, as does the brother-in-law’s enabling.

Dr. Heitler’s advice emphasizes unified boundaries. The dad and wife could draft a polite but firm statement to the MIL, affirming their parenting choices and declining unsolicited purchases. Couples counseling might help the wife address her fear of confrontation.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s piling on like a buffet, from applause for the dad’s backbone to shade at the MIL’s disconnect. Here’s the unfiltered scoop, fresh from the family drama platter:

anarchyshift - NTA. It’s your kids and assuming you’ll pay up $1.6k in the blink of an eye is embarrassingly out of touch.

[Reddit User] - NTA Protect your daughters from being spoiled rotten and ending up like that... and protect yourself from being tricked or forced into debt. Yeah, 'waste a fortune on every new version gadget that comes out' is one of the most disgusting trends of the 21st century.

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Stoat__King - NTA. She thinks its ok to spend your money without asking you. Wtf?!?!?!. However, might it be possible to turn the tables on her? She knows exactly what the kids are 'lacking' - isn't she ideally placed to rectify the situation? It goes without saying that she should pay. Since she is the only one that can even see the problem, i think it would be fair for here to deal with it in its entirety.

bamf1701 - NTA. At first I thought you could just ignore her or something, until she said you could pay her back for the iPad she was ordering. You were 100% correct to put a stop to that right there and then.

No one has a right to obligate you to spend money like that, whether you can afford it or not. Good for you for putting your foot down! I wish you luck weathering any blowback, since it seems your MIL doesn’t live in reality.

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simba1998 - NTA. I would've thought she was ok if she just was buying it as a gift. But deciding that you needed to pay her back for it, then criticizing your parenting overstepped

[Reddit User] - NTA. JustNoMIL is the place for you! Stay strong and remember that YOU are the parent and she is an overstepping, out of touch old lady who doesn’t understand social norms or normal parenting.

raerae6672 - NTA. Your children. Your choice. Have a conversation with your wife and make sure that you both are on the same page. Your daughter does not need the bells and whistles if the one she has is working.

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BIL needs to stay out of this. Don't be surprised if she gets the IPad and gives it to your daughter.. MIL overstepped. Her expecting you to pay for it when she is the one ordering is just nuts.

glasssa251 - NTA. Your MIL should meet my mom, they have a lot in common. I think when people come from privilege, they expect their offspring to pass on said privilege and lose touch in the process.

For example: my fiance and I are looking to buy a house.  He works in marketing and I'm a public school teacher, so while we live comfortably and can afford some houses on the market, we obviously aren't moving to a million dollar mini mansion.

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We just got a bid accepted on a house that someone bought at auction and flipped (they did an amazing job with the flip, too), but my mom is very clearly not as happy for us as I'd like her to be because the schools/ crime/small backyard and it's just awful.

lemetellyousomething - NTA. If she wants to give her grandchildren the best there is, then she can pay for college and further education so they don’t start their adult lives with debt.

sweetjacket - **NTA** You live within your means and are modeling the values you want your children to have. Your MIL overstepped and should have apologized. Instead she doubled down.. my wife doesn’t want to stir up trouble with the MIL. She doesn’t like confronting her mom.

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This is a real problem that no doubt permeates your marriage. Your wife lives under a shadow of Fear, Obligation, and Guilt that makes in difficult, if not impossible, to stand up to her mother. She needs to work on that, possibly with some counseling.

These takes are as bold as a luxury price tag, but do they miss the nuance of navigating a spouse’s conflict-averse stance? Can this family reset boundaries, or is the rift too deep?

This isn’t just about an iPad—it’s about a dad defending his family’s values against a wealthy MIL’s overreach. Her lavish “help” and payback demand threaten their autonomy, while his wife’s hesitation and brother-in-law’s meddling muddy the waters. Can they forge a united front, or will privilege keep pushing? Have you ever faced an in-law’s meddling disguised as generosity? Share your stories—how do you guard your family’s choices when money talks?

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