AITA for allowing my 13 year old to give her opinion on MILs weird Christmas rule?

Jonathan Hours
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Picture a family dinner, rare as a comet, where a grandmother who shuns her grandkids meets them twice a year. Her rule? Christmas is for her husband alone—her “real family”—cutting out her son, his wife, and kids for 13 years. When the couple’s 13-year-old daughter, steeped in Reddit lingo, calls her a “narcissist” and “JustNoMIL” for this odd tradition, sparks fly. The MIL demands the teen be silenced, but the parents let it slide, backing her honest jab. Was that fair, or a parenting fumble?

This Reddit saga is a sharp clash of quirks, candor, and family ties. Did the mom fuel teen sass, or defend a valid gripe? It’s a story that jingles with tradition, teen spirit, and the sting of exclusion.

‘AITA for allowing my 13 year old to give her opinion on MILs weird Christmas rule?’

This Reddit post unveils a mother’s choice to let her daughter’s bold words stand. Here’s her story, raw and unfiltered:

MIL is kind of an odd woman and has some quirky beliefs. One thing she feels very strongly about is when her son married he became extended family vs “real family” As a result she doesn’t make much effort and hardly knows her grandkids. According to her her only real family is her husband. MIL made up a rule when my husband was 17 and dating me that he could never bring a partner to Christmas.

Christmas was only for real family and MIL was totally aware that meant she would never spend another Christmas with her son again. She loves December and we don’t even usually see her during the month. It’s been going on since then and for 13 years of marriage and I find it bizarre but she is who she is. Recently we had dinner with mil and my kids.

We do this about twice a year and it is the only time she sees them. One questioned why we’ve never spent a holiday with my husbands side and I explained MILs rule. My 13 year old loves reddit and probably reads it a bit too much and called MIL a narcissist and a JustNoMIL (lol we read that sub together, she has good taste)

MIL got annoyed and said my daughter is entitled and MiL doesn’t owe us Christmas and wants to spend it with her only real family. That was that but after dinner mil told my husband that we were rude for bit reprimanding our daughter and she needs to learn to shut up when it isn’t her business.

This family friction is a vivid case of rigid traditions meeting youthful honesty. The MIL’s “real family” rule, isolating her son and grandkids from Christmas, is an extreme boundary that signals emotional distance, possibly rooted in her own quirks or unresolved issues. The 13-year-old’s outburst, while sharp, reflects real hurt over a grandmother’s aloofness, amplified by Reddit’s blunt culture. The parents’ decision not to reprimand her prioritizes her feelings over decorum, but risks escalating family tension by not guiding her delivery.

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Family therapist Dr. Joshua Coleman notes, “Estranged grandparents reap what they sow; kids feel rejection deeply” (Source). A 2023 study in Journal of Family Issues found that 59% of grandparent-grandchild conflicts stem from inconsistent involvement (Source). The MIL’s rule, while her right, invites critique, and her demand for silence dismisses the teen’s valid confusion.

The mother should affirm her daughter’s feelings but coach her on respectful expression, perhaps limiting Reddit exposure. “Guide, don’t gag, teens,” Coleman advises. The MIL needs to face the impact of her exclusion, possibly via a mediated talk. The husband could bridge gaps by addressing his mother’s detachment.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit chimed in with takes as bold as a Christmas cracker. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

dancing_chinese_kid − ESH. Your MIL's rule is stupid.. Your daughter was rude.. You shouldn't be browsing reddit with your kid so you can tag-team dump on your husband's mother.

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N4095 − ESH: 1. Your MIL is an odd duck and seriously cannot expect the group of people she's related to but refuses to call family to expect to not say something about this - especially children.

2. At 13, she's already asked this - she was looking for an opportunity to express her 'newfound knowledge of the world' she's gained from particularly toxic subreddits about MILs....and behave like the people on those forums talk about.

3. You sit down with your daughter and browse subreddits to deliberately dump on your husbands/father's mother because it's fun? I don't expect you to glorify and talk nice about your MIL, but cripes your behavior is just as toxic as your MILs - you both are showing how women are flat n**ty to each other.

shihtzupiss − YTA Personally, I wouldn’t use my 13 year old as a mouthpiece. If I wanted to say something to my weird MIL I’d say it. Not let my kid do the dirty work.

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iwanttoquitposting − NTA - If my mother in law had this rule I would dance in the f**king street. It makes sense for your daughter to be confused though, as it’s a really weird rule.

Full_Worldliness1480 − NTA. It is bizarre, and frankly if I was told I’m not my MILs “real family” I don’t think I would bother having any contact with her. No one “owes” someone Christmas but it speaks volumes that she doesn’t want to share that day with anyone but someone that will dedicate all their time to her.. I think your daughter may be right.

SuperEmu4064 − Real family is a sucky way of saying it but as far as nuclear families and extended families go, mil kind of has the right idea. She doesn’t owe you holidays and while I don’t necessarily understand her point of view, it’s her boundary and she’s entitled to it. You all were rude and should have taught your daughter that there’s a time and place for voicing opinions and that wasn’t it. YTA

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missplaced24 − How is it not her business if her grandmother doesn't want to see her because she doesn't consider her family?. NTA.

Thecardinal74 − 'Grandma's relationship with her Grandchild is her business, but her grandchild's relationship with her is not'. mmmm ok then.. Maybe twice a year is 2 times too many.. NTA.

IAmTAAlways − NTA your daughter was expressing real and valid feelings over essentially not having a grandmother. If MIL doesn't want to be one, that's her decision but she can't be mad when people express their obvious disappointment about that decision.

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rmric0 − NTA. Teens have feelings, and I'm sure they have feelings about their stand-offish grandmother who doesn't really seem invested in them. And really it just sounds like an obvious question given an honest answer; MIL gets to have her traditions and rules, but she doesn't get to have them in a vacuum, other people get to think she sucks.

These Reddit opinions are as spicy as holiday nog, but do they miss the MIL’s right to her private tradition?

This story is a festive mix of hurt, honesty, and holiday quirks. The mother’s support for her daughter’s jab at MIL’s Christmas rule defends her kid but stirs family frost. Could a family chat or teen tact lesson thaw the chill, or is distance the best gift? What would you do if your kid roasted a relative’s tradition? Share your thoughts—have you faced family rules that shut you out?

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