AITA for telling my stepsister ‘I don’t care’ about how my dad treated her after she broke something he gave to me?

In a quiet suburban home, where memories of a lost father linger in every corner, a 19-year-old woman stares at the empty shelf where her cherished wooden figurine once stood. Gifted by her dad before his untimely passing, it was a tangible piece of their bond. But her stepsister, Holly, driven by her own grief and resentment, smashed it in a moment of impulsivity. The act ignited a fiery argument, exposing raw wounds in a blended family still reeling from loss.

Reddit’s buzzing with opinions, debating whether her anger was justified or too harsh. This tale of clashing emotions and broken keepsakes pulls us into the messy heart of family dynamics. As the sisters grapple with their father’s absence and differing perspectives, their story invites us to explore how grief can fracture—or mend—bonds.

‘AITA for telling my stepsister ‘I don’t care’ about how my dad treated her after she broke something he gave to me?’

I (19f) have a stepsister Holly19f. My dad and her mum got together when we were 10. I instantly got along with my stepmother and I consider her my mother (my 'real' mother isn't in the picture). Holly didn't get along with my dad, or myself. I never pushed, but it sucked.

When we both turned 13, my dad got us each one of those wooden figurines. I loved it, Holly not so much. I don't want to sound like a complete b**ch, but I feel like Holly was jealous that I got along with her mother so well. For context, both our other 'parents' left when were young. In my case, it was my mother and in Holly's case it was her father.

My dad died in Jan 2022 and the whole family is feeling it. It 'came out' 2 weeks ago that my dad wasn't the nicest person to Holly which is why she was so cold to him. Nothing insane, but little jabs here or there. (ex:'oh you're having another brownie?', 'be nice to your sister (me) otherwise you'll get hairy arms like me' \[dad's hairy arms\])

I 100% do not agree with how my father treated Holly (which again, I found out whilst grieving his untimely death) but Holly has now taken it to 'rid his presence' from the house. Her mother is absolutely not her side with this as they moved into OUR house, so the majority of stuff is his.

**note: I know it's their house know, too but like I said, the majority of stuff was bought by my dad so it would be economically impossible for mum to 'rid his presence'.** The issue is this: there's this trend on tiktok where kids destroy 'family' gifts given to them by toxic family members and Holly took a hammer to her wooden figure. Fine, but she also destroyed mine.

When I found out I lost it. It turned into a huge argument between us and I ended up yelling 'Honestly, Holly, I don't care how he treated you. You're a b**ch and an absolutely horrible person to be around.' She broke down and ended up locking herself in her room. Mom is in the middle of the situation, too. But she told me that what I said wasn't ok and that I need to 'cut Holly some slack'.. AITA?

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Grief can turn a home into a minefield of emotions. The woman’s fury over her stepsister’s destruction of her figurine reflects a deep attachment to her father’s memory, while Holly’s actions stem from unresolved pain over his teasing. Both sisters are navigating loss, but their approaches—preserving versus purging—collide, highlighting the challenge of blended families.

This situation mirrors broader issues in grief processing. Studies show 60% of young adults struggle with family conflict after a parent’s death, often due to differing coping styles. Holly’s act, though destructive, may reflect a need to reclaim control, while the woman’s reaction protects her connection to her father.

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Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a grief counselor, notes, “Grief is not just about loss; it’s about how we carry memories forward.” Holly’s destruction disregarded her sister’s need to honor their father, escalating tension. Both need space to process their pain without judgment.

Open communication could help. The sisters might benefit from therapy to navigate their grief and rebuild trust. Acknowledging each other’s pain—without excusing the destruction—could foster healing.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s users jumped in with passion, offering a mix of support and sharp takes. Here’s what they had to say:

CreativeAirQuotes − NTA She, an adult, destroyed a treasured gift given to you by your recently deceased father because of a TikTok trend, and then sulks when she gets called out on it. Her dealing with how your father treated her does not give her a pass to take her issues out on you.

tatasz − NTA. Holly destroyed something that belonged to you, the end. I would strongly advise you to interact with lawyers to understand who inherited what (for example, chances are Holly actually has no share in what your father left.Lets say if you lived at my country, if your father didn't leave a will and the house was purchased after he.

re-married, the goods would be split 50-50 between you and your stepmom. Now, if the house was bought before the marriage, it would be yours exclusively), and make sure your part of the stuff is not stored anywhere near Holly. And in general have a clear separation of the inheritances.

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Said that, i will be downvoted to oblivion, but the jabs you mentioned are minor and honestly it is ridiculous to get all traumatized over it. It sounds more like 'I wanna be a trendy person and tell everyone how I was abused by my horrible parents' while the parents were just pretty much average people.

LivingStCelestine − What about cutting you some slack, you know, since your FATHER DIED. I lost my own dad at a young age and I know how devastating it is. I had a half sister who didn’t like him because he left her mom for mine (no cheating, it was before I was born). She said some s**t about him after he died and I ghosted/went no contact with her. My dad wasn’t perfect but he was my dad.. NTA. Your sister sucks.

jenna_grows − NTA. Your dad just died. Holly’s issues with him are not your issues with him. Also, when you said he wasn’t nice to Holly, the examples you gave aren’t really abusive. It’s not ideal if he never did that to you ever, but did he? Like did he ever go, are you going to have another brownie??

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after you’d had a few too many? Because my mother has said stuff like to me and I never noticed. I’m sure she hasn’t said stuff like that to my brother because he doesn’t generally stuff his face the way i do. My husband and I say it to each other. Like omg how much can you eat? It’s nothing vile.

It may not be perfectly sensitive because we don’t realise how the other person receives it, but it’s not intentionally malicious. Also, Holly wasn’t nice to you. Sounds like your dad was trying to tease her into being nice. “Be nice or you’ll get my hairy arms” - like obviously that’s not true.

People tell lying kids “if you lie your nose will grow like Pinocchio” to get them to stop lying. But Holly wasn’t even a kid she would likely have known it was a joke but chose to interpret it badly because she’s got other trauma. Also, Holly isn’t the first person in the world to have a parent (bio or not) have double standards - in the event your dad really did.

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You were clearly the easier child so he probably seemed to favour you. But it’s easy to always be nice to a child that’s doing everything it needs to do. Your dad was a human.. Holly definitely needs professional help but unless your dad was actually abusive, no dice.

votefawnmoscato − Look at all these ASSHOLES lining up to tell you your deceased father sucks for making normal dad jokes. Jfc holly is the actual worst and so are these comments. It wasn’t even mistreatment she’s just an awful awful human. Also NTA

Individual_Ad_9213 − NTA. Holly provoked you by destroying a gift from your father for her selfish social-media exhibition. Had she just destroyed her own horse NBD. But she crossed a line by destroying something that had sentimental value to you.

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Whole_Mechanic_8143 − NTA she has no right to destroy other people's property and OP is not responsible for 'atoning' for her father's treatment of Holly.

Dangerous-Project672 − NTA. She had no right to destroy your gift that you’re never getting back

[Reddit User] − I’m gonna say NTA. It was originally your fathers house, and originally his things. While your stepsister and stepmother are technically part of this household and have a say in your fathers items - going through them is something you should do together. It was horrible on her part to ruin something that was also YOURS - regardless of who gave it to you.

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Even so, she’s dealing with some s**t. While you’re NTA in this situation, you should talk to your stepmother about where to go from here regarding your stepsister. Maybe therapy is needed? Your father also kinda sucks for how he treated her but then again, she made no move to treat him nor you well either.. This is a bit of a toughie…but communication between you all is needed here.

EDIT: With the new info that your father was not abusive at ALL aside from a couple dad jabs (even if you didn’t like it and she clearly took it to heart), your sister is still the AH. I apologise for saying your dad was sucky when you’re already going through losing him :( I didn’t have a lot to go off at the time. Still, she’s got some issues to get through. So, therapy. My continued option for her!

Yabbadabbaabby − NTA She didn’t have any right to destroy something that belonged to you. Especially something given to you by your now deceased parent.

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These candid opinions make us wonder: do they capture the full complexity of grief, or are they just snap judgments? Either way, they show how deeply this story resonates.

This story of broken figurines and fractured bonds reminds us that grief hits everyone differently. The woman’s defense of her father’s gift clashes with Holly’s need to let go, but both are wrestling with loss. Reddit’s takes highlight the divide, yet suggest room for empathy. How would you handle a family member destroying a cherished keepsake? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar clash while grieving?

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