AITA for implying a heavy set girl should check the mirror before calling people fat?

The office hallway buzzed with the usual Monday hum—phones ringing, coffee cups clinking—when a sharp “Move it along, heffer!” sliced through the air. A coworker, known for her blunt humor, lobbed the term at colleagues, smirking as if it were a playful jab. But for one employee, it was the last straw in a string of snide remarks. Tired of the fat-shaming disguised as banter, they fired back, pointing out her own weight in a heated exchange that left her in tears and landed them in HR’s office.

What started as a workplace quip spiraled into a messy clash of egos, hypocrisy, and hurt feelings. Was it a justified comeback or a step too far? This story, straight from Reddit’s AITA battleground, dives into the murky waters of workplace dynamics, body image, and the fine line between standing up and stooping low.

‘AITA for implying a heavy set girl should check the mirror before calling people fat?’

I work with a heavy set girl who has taken to calling people Heffer, which is a reference to a cow. She’s basically calling people fat, and some of the people she refers to as heffer are actually a bit heavy. So I’m walking down the hallway at work yesterday and I hear her call out: “move it along, heffer.”

I turned to see her smiling, so I asked her if she thought she of all people had the right to call people fat. I don’t think she understood what I meant at first, so I said to her that she’s half my height and probably twice my weight. Between the two of us, she’s the heffer. Now, I’m not friends with this person. We don’t have inside jokes. I only learned her first name recently.

Anyway, she started crying and this morning I’m in the office first thing explaining that the whole situation was misinterpreted and I was only responding to her using the word first.. So, AITA for calling a fat girl fat who’s calling people fat? Edit: I know, I know. It’s spelt heifer. Thank you all for correcting me, however I’m not going to go back and correct myself.

This workplace spat is a classic case of tempers flaring over tactless comments. The coworker’s use of “heffer” as a jab, even if meant playfully, set the stage for conflict, while the OP’s sharp retort escalated it into HR territory. Both crossed lines in a professional setting where respect should reign.

Body-shaming, intentional or not, stings deeply. According to a 2023 study by the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, workplace incivility, like name-calling, increases stress and lowers morale, especially when tied to physical appearance. The coworker’s habit of tossing around “heffer” likely created a hostile vibe, but the OP’s weight-based clapback wasn’t the answer either.

Dr. Susan Albers, a clinical psychologist quoted in Psychology Today, notes, “Comments about weight, even in jest, can trigger shame and defensiveness, especially in a culture hyper-focused on body image.” Here, both parties leaned into this trap, turning a minor slight into a major ordeal. The coworker’s tears suggest she wasn’t ready for the mirror held up to her, but the OP’s bluntness fueled the fire.

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The broader issue is workplace respect—or the lack thereof. When insults fly, they don’t just hurt feelings; they erode trust. The solution? Call out bad behavior without sinking to personal attacks. The OP could’ve said, “That term’s rude—please stop,” and escalated to HR if needed. For the coworker, owning her mistake and apologizing would’ve cooled things down. Both should prioritize professionalism to avoid future drama.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of cheers and jeers like a rowdy pub debate. Some fist-bumped the OP for calling out the coworker’s hypocrisy, while others groaned at the messy escalation. Here’s the raw scoop:

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[Reddit User] − NTA. What the actual f**k is she thinking calling people heffer? No matter how fat or skinny someone is that's bang out of order.

[Reddit User] − NTA.. ​. Don't throw stones from glass houses.

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[Reddit User] − ESH. I understand why you retaliated, but it wasn't worth it. Next time just report harassment to HR.

avast2006 − ESH - she should not have been using the word, but it’s inappropriate regardless of her weight so you didn’t need to drag her weight into it. Would a skinny person calling people “heifer” get a pass to keep doing it? So you could have educated her on why it was wrong without mentioning her weight at all.

Brandelyn1135 − ESH. Devil’s advocate - I grew up in a rural setting. It was a term of familiarity and even affection with other girls to call them “heifer”, mostly among the kids who grew up on ranches. Like calling a guy “Hoss”. Maybe she came from that kind of background, and meant no insult.

You could’ve told her you didn’t appreciate it, and how you interpreted it. Instead, you called her fat (there was no implication here, as your title states), and now you’re in front of HR. I am an HR professional of 20 years, and these complaints are such a time suck.

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linpashpants − NTA - people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. She learned a lesson about where cruel name calling gets you in life.

[Reddit User] − ESH. it's not appropriate for her to be calling people fat, and she shouldn't sling it if she can't take it.. but it's juvenile to throw it back at her. just say 'it's rude to call people that'. if she continues to harass people after being asked politely, take it up with HR, and let them handle it.

UnluckySense − ESH. Depending on what region you are in, a 'heffer' is not always a reference to a cow. I remember it being used as a term of endearment in my old Redneck stomping grounds. However, any terms should not be used on people in the office.

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SlobBarker − INFO: Is she saying this to random people to insult them, or is she teasing her friends?

KurdishFucker − NTA. Don't dish it out if you can't take it.

These Redditors tore into the drama, some cheering the OP’s “glass houses” zinger, others urging a more mature HR route. But do these hot takes capture the full picture, or are they just fueling the fire?

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This office saga shows how fast words can spiral from playful to painful. The OP and their coworker both stumbled into a trap where hurt feelings trumped professionalism. It’s a reminder that standing up for yourself doesn’t mean tearing others down. Workplace banter is a minefield—best navigated with wit, not weapons. What would you do if a coworker’s “joke” hit a nerve? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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