AITA for telling my MIL I’ll pay for my wedding myself if she can’t respect my few wishes?
Weddings are meant to be joyful, celebratory events where two people come together to honor their love and commitment. But sometimes, they also become battlegrounds for clashing visions, overbearing in-laws, and power struggles. For one groom-to-be, a deeply personal tribute to his late mother has sparked unexpected turmoil—and he’s now questioning if he should even be getting married at all.
In this Reddit AITA post, a 25-year-old man shares how a heartfelt desire to wear his late mother’s Scottish family kilt at his wedding turned into a full-blown conflict with his future mother-in-law (MIL)—and disturbingly, even his fiancée. The MIL, who offered to pay for most of the wedding, insists on control over the aesthetics and has vetoed the groom’s attire. Now he’s asking: is he being too stubborn for standing his ground, or is this a sign of deeper trouble ahead?
‘AITA for telling my MIL I’ll pay for my wedding myself if she can’t respect my few wishes?’
In a healthy relationship, mutual respect and emotional understanding are fundamental. In this situation, the groom’s desire to wear his family’s traditional kilt isn’t simply about fashion—it’s a deeply personal tribute to his late mother and a way to honor his cultural heritage.
The fact that his fiancée and future mother-in-law dismissed this request over aesthetic preferences like color coordination or wedding “vision” shows a lack of empathy and respect for his emotional needs. When a partner cannot support something that holds such deep significance, it raises questions about how balanced and respectful the relationship truly is.
Using financial support as leverage to override such a personal choice is a red flag. It suggests control rather than collaboration. If the groom has no voice in one of the most important events of his life, it may be a warning sign for how decisions will be handled in the marriage itself.
A strong marriage should begin with mutual support, shared decision-making, and respect for each other’s values—not one-sided sacrifice or emotional invalidation.
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
As always, Redditors brought out the red flags—and the receipts:
The common thread? Reddit unanimously declared OP Not the Ahole (NTA)** and warned that this could be a preview of lifelong boundary issues if he goes through with the marriage. When both a partner and her family minimize your emotional needs before the vows are even exchanged, that’s not just a disagreement—it’s a major red flag.
What should have been a touching way to honor his late mother has turned into a power struggle over aesthetics and control. The deeper issue here isn’t about kilts or tuxedos—it’s about respect, empathy, and whether OP’s voice matters in his own wedding. Should OP stand firm and pay for the wedding himself, or compromise to keep the peace? Would you walk away from a wedding where your one heartfelt request is dismissed? Tell us what you think—is this a battle worth fighting, or a wedding worth reconsidering?
