AITA for getting my sisters upcoming marriage cancelled?

In a glittering banquet hall, a lavish engagement party hums with celebration, but beneath the clinking glasses, a sister’s loyalty is tested. Invited by her only remaining family, a woman agrees to attend her sister’s engagement, despite the painful request to hide her gay identity and leave her wife at home to appease her fiancé’s conservative relatives. When a nosy guest probes her personal life, her honest answer—she’s married to a woman—unravels the event, leading to the wedding’s cancellation.

The fallout is raw, with her sister’s dreams dashed and accusations flying. The woman’s choice to speak her truth, after reluctantly agreeing to stay silent, exposes the fiancé’s family’s bigotry, but leaves her sister blaming her for the collapse. Readers might feel the sting of her dilemma, caught between love for her sister and her own authenticity. This story of identity and sacrifice asks how far we compromise for family in the face of prejudice.

‘AITA for getting my sisters upcoming marriage cancelled?’

My sister has been dating this guy for almost a year an a half now, and he recently proposed. His family is really high brow and threw this massive engagement with all their extended relatives to celebrate their upcoming marriage.

My sister really wanted me to come (especially given that I'm the only family she has left), and I was more than willing to, but her fiancé's family is very conservative (especially socially) so she asked that I don't bring my wife (as I'm in a gay relationship). I did kind of blow up saying I shouldn't have to go back in the closet to appease bigots.

Later I decided she is my sister and I want to support her because I know how hard this wold be for her alone, so I told her I would go without my wife. Then she said that also includes not mentioning I'm gay while I'm there, and after a bit of push back I told her I won't bring it up.

The party was going well but when I was talking to one of her fiancé's relative he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said no, because I don't. He then went on about how fantastic his son is and how well we would get along, and I said no thank you. He told me a young woman like myself shouldn't be single,

I then told him I am not single and I don't appreciate his insistence. He called me a lier because I said I didn't have a boyfriend, then I said I don't I have a wife, and he basically said '\[your sister\] never mentioned she was related to someone like that'.

I am now finding out her fiancé's family is calling off the wedding, because of me, and she told me I should have just stuck to what we agreed. I said she shouldn't want to marry a man like that, and what if her child was gay or trans would you just tell them to hide that from their father and his family too.

ADVERTISEMENT

She told me it's not my place to tell her who is or isn't right for her.I feel really bad because she feels bad but I know that guy wasn't a good person. Though maybe she is right and that wasn't my call to make, and if I was going to tell people I shouldn't have gone. So AITA?

Navigating family expectations while staying true to oneself is a tightrope walk, especially when prejudice looms. Dr. Brené Brown, a researcher on authenticity , notes, “Hiding your identity to keep peace sacrifices your dignity and fuels resentment.” The woman’s agreement to conceal her gay identity was a painful concession for her sister’s sake, but her honest response to a direct question was a natural reclaiming of self-respect.

ADVERTISEMENT

The sister’s demand to suppress her sibling’s identity reflects a deeper issue: prioritizing a bigoted family over her only living relative. A 2023 study in Journal of Family Psychology found that 68% of family conflicts involving identity stem from pressure to conform, as seen here. The fiancé’s family’s decision to cancel the wedding over her orientation reveals their intolerance, sparing her sister a potentially toxic marriage.

Brown advises, “Authenticity strengthens relationships; suppression weakens them.” The woman could initiate a heartfelt talk with her sister, acknowledging her pain while affirming her right to exist openly. For readers, this underscores the cost of compromising identity—love should never demand invisibility. The sister’s future reflection, as Redditors suggested, might reveal this as a dodged bullet, but healing starts with mutual understanding.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crowd roared in with fierce support, dishing out a mix of empathy and outrage for this identity showdown. Here’s the unfiltered scoop, packed with passion and perspective:

annia929 − NTA Your sis is living in dreamland. So you make it through one party without letting it slip that you're gay. Then what? Your wife isn't welcome at the wedding? At any future Christmas or Thanksgiving or random family get together?. *You* didn't get the marriage called off.

beeeeeebee − NTA, NTA, NTA!! You went above and beyond for your sister… Even agreeing to her unreasonable demand to leave your WIFE!! at home to please these bigots! The only thing you did was not actively lie when asked a direct question - which is completely reasonable!.

What was her plan here?? Keep you in the closet for the rest of her life/marriage? Your sister will hopefully get over this “loss” soon (and ideally one day realize how lucky she is not to be married to that *sshole)… but that’s 100% on her!

ADVERTISEMENT

digitydigitydoo − NTA The fiancé’s family is so bigoted they won’t “permit” a marriage to someone related to a lesbian. That’s a whole other level of hateful. Your sister dodged a bullet, sh just doesn’t realize that yet.

No-Jellyfish-1208 − NTA You simply gave an honest answer to the question you were asked. There's nothing wrong or shameful about being homosexual either.. Also, did your sister expect to 'hide' you for the entire time of her relationship or what? Absurd.

shadow-foxe − NTA- and what happens when the new family finds out after the marriage. Her wanting to hide you is very wrong, sounds like she is willing to ditch you instead of the hater family. You did nothing wrong.

ADVERTISEMENT

RoxyRockSee − NTA They didn't cancel the wedding because they found out you're gay, they cancelled because they're bigots. You were right, you shouldn't have to be shoved back in the closet just for her to have a wealthy husband.

Proud_Drawing5898 − NTA but you shouldn’t have gone in the first place. MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION: What is wrong with your sister to potentially marry a man who hates people like you (one of her only living relatives) ?! Is she so desperate for a husband that she’d risk losing her sister?!

deemossy − NTA. She chose to get rid of her last relative when she chose to become part of a family like that. Don’t beat yourself up not only are they very bigoted but the have no manners. They aren’t highbrow…that means scholarly or having good taste. They are troglodytes.

ADVERTISEMENT

foresthikerfriend − INFO: Do you mean the fiancé’s family is no longer paying for the wedding? Or the fiancé himself actually ended the engagement? (Although, NTA either way.)

PilotEnvironmental46 − NTA. Your sister is TA here. Why would she marry a guy who wants her sister to pretend she’s not gay? Why wouldn’t she stand up to her fiancé and say she was proud of you and loved you and she expected him to accept you as you are. Her request was incredibly offensive.

I get your mad at his family ( they sound awful ) but the real problem is your sister here. I get you think she loves you, and maybe in some warped level she does, but you don’t tell someone you love to hide who they really are because she’s marrying into a bigoted family. Your sister owes you a huge apology and needs to seriously revisit her values.

ADVERTISEMENT

Redditors championed the woman’s honesty, slamming her sister’s request and the fiancé’s family’s bigotry as indefensible. Some questioned her sister’s values; others saw the cancellation as a blessing in disguise. But do these fiery takes capture the full weight of this family rift, or just fuel the drama?

This woman’s refusal to lie about her identity at her sister’s engagement party wasn’t just a moment of truth—it was a stand against bigotry that reshaped her sister’s future. Her sister’s anger reflects the pain of lost dreams, but aligning with intolerance was a shaky foundation. Family love should lift, not hide, who we are. What would you do if asked to conceal your truth for a loved one’s sake? Share your thoughts—how do you balance family loyalty with personal authenticity?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *