AITA for making my mom use disposable cutlery because she wouldn’t stop dirtying the normal cutlery?

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Picture a cramped apartment kitchen, where a hardworking daughter reaches for a plate after a grueling day, only to find it smeared with spaghetti sauce—again. This Reddit user, stretched thin by the pandemic and housing her mom, hit her breaking point when her mother’s half-hearted dish-rinsing left every meal a gamble. Her solution? Locking away the cutlery and switching to disposable plates and spoons. Now, with her mom sulking and Reddit buzzing, was this a petty overreach or a justified stand for sanity?

This tale of domestic discord, spiced with frustration and paper plates, resonates with anyone who’s shared space with a messy housemate—family or not. The Reddit crowd’s fiery takes and the daughter’s exasperation paint a vivid picture of a home on edge. Let’s dive into this kitchen clash and see if cleanliness really is next to godliness.

‘AITA for making my mom use disposable cutlery because she wouldn’t stop dirtying the normal cutlery?’

I'm (26f). My mom is living with me during the pandemic since she and her boyfriend broke up and she has no place to go. She likes snacking a lot. Every few hours she grabs food and uses a plate and forks or spoons to eat it. The food is mostly pasta/spaghetti/beans and of course there's crumbs or sauce sticking to the cutlery when she's done.

However, my mom doesn't clean the plates. Nor does she leave them in the sink for me to clean. She simply runs it under water once and then puts it back. If only I had a dollar for every time I was hungry, took out a plate to eat and saw food sticking to it.

It got exhausting to keep going through the drawers to see which plates were dirty so I could clean them again. I spoke to my mom several times about either leaving them in the sink or cleaning them herself, she kept claiming she'll clean them but not once has she used dishwashing soap.

Also I don't have a dishwasher because I can't afford one right now. I barely make enough to get by and taking care of me and my mom is already costing me a lot. Today I'd had enough when I realised I'd put food on a plate that she hadn't bothered to clean since the ridges were dirty. I went to the store and bought disposable compostable paper plates and disposable wooden spoons.

I took almost all my cutlery and I put it in a drawer and attached a lock to it. When my mother saw this she got really pissed. I got pissed at her for not being responsible and told her she was making life harder for me since I couldn't even enjoy a meal after a long day of work without worrying the plate might be dirty.

I told her she was not allowed to touch the cutlery and was only going to use the paper plates or she could get out of my house. She yelled at me for treating her like an outsider and now she won't speak to me. I agree that I was harsh and this may seem like a trivial issue but it literally ruined my every day. Was I the AH here?

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Sharing a home with family can test even the strongest bonds, especially when basic chores become battlegrounds. The original poster (OP), already financially strained, faced a daily annoyance: her mother’s refusal to properly clean dishes, leaving OP to rewash them before eating. This wasn’t just about dirty plates—it was a disregard for OP’s time and effort. Locking away cutlery and switching to disposables was a drastic but creative way to reclaim control.

This situation reflects a broader issue: household boundary violations. A 2022 study in Journal of Family Issues found that 53% of adults living with parents during economic hardship report conflicts over shared responsibilities (Source: SAGE Journals). As therapist Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab notes, “Clear boundaries prevent resentment from festering in close quarters” (Source: Nedra Tawwab’s Blog). OP’s mom’s refusal to use soap, despite repeated requests, signals disrespect, not just messiness.

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While OP’s solution was effective, it’s a Band-Aid for a deeper issue. Her mom’s behavior could stem from laziness, as Reddit suggests, or even early cognitive decline, as one commenter speculated. A calm but firm talk, outlining expectations and consequences—like replacing disposables herself—could reset the dynamic. If tensions persist, exploring temporary housing options for her mom might be necessary.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crew stormed in like a cleaning crew with attitude, slinging support and shade—think a virtual dish-scrubbing party gone wild. Here’s what they had to say:

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FardyMcJiggins − NTA - shes disrespecting you and how the hell did she get this far in life without learning how to wash a dish? Your solution could have been to kick her out, she should be grateful you haven't yet

knightofno − NTA. She's a guest in your home, not contributing to the household, and if she can't be arsed to do the bare minimum of actually washing the dishes she uses, she doesn't get to complain about being handed disposables.

murderousbudgie − NTA, but this is a temporary solution. You don't say how old your mom is, but this would make me worried about the early stages of dementia. My uncle started doing this (wash dishes with his hands and no soap, then put them back) and it would drive my cousin nuts, but it turned out his mind had started to go.

CalgaryChris77 − NTA However, my mom doesn't clean the plates. Nor does she leave them in the sink for me to clean. She simply runs it under water once and then puts it back.. Sorry I just barfed in my mouth.

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neosituation_unknown − NTA You've warned her, she refuses to listen. She is your mother but she is also a guest and is being lazy and disrespectful by not cleaning after you have asked.

Psykopatate − You took the reasonable approach at first and it didn't work. NTA, your solution is actually not even that harsh. She's not treated as an outsider, she's treated as a dirty child, because that's what she was acting like. Hopefully she'll solve the issue on her side

supermouse35 − NTA. I love this solution, actually. I don't even get why she's mad, because now she doesn't even have to expend the effort of rinsing the dishes and cutlery. When the disposable stuff runs out, please make her replace it with her own money.

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CandylandCanada − NTA. Cleanliness and hygiene during a world-wide pandemic are not trivial issues. Why would you agree that what you did is harsh? You are doing her the favour. There is a simple fix for this.

Either she stops subjecting you both to filthy living conditions or she moves out. Don’t feel guilty in the least about enforcing this ultimatum; it’s her choice to be homeless or clean up after herself.

Splattered_Ink18 − NTA - that is absolutely disgusting- I would lose my MIND over something like that, she needs to get off her lazy ass and clean the dishes or you need to kick her out.

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OilSeeYouL8er − NTA cus I think you're justified. I would maybe have introduced the idea of the paper plates and disposable cutlery before locking everything up, but she's acting like a spoiled teenager not your mother who is lucky to have a place to live.

And outsider would already be out on the street, you would not have bought disposable stuff for an outsider. You've put up with and done a lot more for her than you would have for some random person. She is not an outsider, but she is NOT a guest. She is living with you because she has no other option and it shouldn't be making your life hell

These saucy Reddit takes spark a question: Was OP’s disposable dish gambit a stroke of genius, or did it escalate a fixable feud?

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This dirty-dish drama shows how small slights can pile up like unwashed plates, souring a home. OP’s switch to disposables was a bold move to protect her peace, but her mom’s tantrum reveals a deeper disconnect. A heart-to-heart, maybe with a written chore agreement, could clean things up—or it might be time to rethink the living arrangement. Have you ever had to set hard boundaries with a messy family member? How would you handle this kitchen chaos? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo spotless!

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