AITA For Not Comforting My Sister After Our Dad Made A Heartbreaking Confession While Drunk?

Some family moments leave scars long after the night ends. For one young woman, a routine attempt to help her struggling father spiraled into a painful confrontation with the past, dragging two sisters into emotional territory neither of them asked for. What began as concern over her dad’s drinking turned into a heartbreaking revelation that cut far deeper than anyone expected.

Once the story reached social media, reactions poured in from people who saw themselves in different parts of the situation. Some focused on the father’s behavior, others on the teenager caught in the crossfire, and many questioned what responsibility truly falls on an adult child when old family trauma resurfaces. The responses revealed how messy, layered, and unresolved family wounds can be.

AITA For Not Comforting My Sister After Our Dad Made A Heartbreaking Confession While Drunk?

The poster began by explaining the complicated family history behind the tension

I (23f) am my parents only child together but my dad (46m) has another daughter "Jane" (15f) with the woman who he cheated on my mom (47f) with.

I don't know all the details because I was pretty young when it all happened and my parents both agreed that I didn't need to know the details,

but from what I could gather over the years is that dad had a brief fling and ended it when he realized that she wanted more while he just wanted...

She then described how the affair permanently altered her family’s future

Despite it already being over my mom found out and kicked my dad out of our home the same day. My dad was very remorseful and spent a whole year,

from what I can describe as Love Bombing my mom until she agreed to give him another chance. Everything was going on well and there seemed to be a chance...

His fling had gotten pregnant with Jane and after the DNA test proved that he was the father my mom was done.

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Apparently my mom was completely prepared to live the rest of her life as if my dad's cheating had never happened in order to still be with him but with...

Years later, the emotional fallout resurfaced after an unexpected trigger

For years my mom remained single and I guess my dad took that as a sign that she was still in love with him, but was completely shocked when he...

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For the past three years my mom was dating a former work colleague "Ian" (53m) and they had decided to elope and honeymooned in Hawaii.

I knew about the relationship after Ian and my mom were 4 months in and I gave it my blessing and even went with them on the trip.

My dad was heartbroken and furious at me for "betraying" him by not telling him that mom was seeing someone else but later apologized.

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I forgave him because I know he still secretly loved my mom but I started to get concerned after he started drinking more.

More than once I've had to pick him up from a bar and sneak him back into the house while Jane was sleeping but this time he passed out in...

One drunken confession changed everything for the teenager

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When he woke up he was sobbing while drunk and moaning about how miserable his life was without my mom. That cheating on her was the biggest mistake of his...

Jane was there when he said this and later confided in me how hurt that made her because if he hadn't of cheated then she wouldn't exist and so Jane...

The poster’s response became the heart of the controversy

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I told her that I'm sorry she felt that way and while I'm not the best person to speak to about this I can talk to dad about getting her...

Jane then teared up and said that I clearly hate her too and has been crying to our grandmother about this. Grandma thinks I was a total TA about the...

ETA: Just to be clear on the following. Jane's mom dropped her off at our dad's place when she was 13 for the usual weekend visit and just never came...

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My dad now has legal custody of Jane and her mom has only seen Jane about four times ever since.. I have my own place and don't live with either...

All the information I have ever gathered on the situation was overhearing conversations when people thought I wasn't around.. My dad doesn't trust Uber/Lyft and thinks that one of the...

I don't hate Jane but we're not besties either and as a 23 year old I'm not trying to constantly hang out with a high schooler, but if ever there...

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Yes, I'm still angry at my dad for what he did but less so as an adult. I don't think we'll ever get to a point where I truly and...

I don't view my dad as an a__oholic because this has only been going on for a month and he's still able to be a productive person Monday-Thursday.

Literally right after I put my dad to bed Jane confided in me about this. Like right after I crossed out of the door frame.

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This situation is a clear example of how unresolved trauma can ripple across generations. The father’s regret over his past choices is valid, but expressing it while intoxicated and in front of a child created new harm. His words placed emotional weight on a teenager who lacks the tools to process it safely.

Family psychologist Dr. John Gottman has stated, “Children often internalize what parents say in moments of distress, even when those words are not meant for them.” In this case, Jane interpreted regret about infidelity as regret about her own existence, a devastating conclusion for any child.

The older sister’s reaction reflects healthy emotional boundaries rather than cruelty. She acknowledged Jane’s pain without inserting herself into a role she cannot fulfill. Offering therapy was not rejection, but recognition that professional support is necessary when trauma is this complex.

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Ultimately, responsibility lies with the father to repair the damage. He must clearly separate regret for his actions from love for his daughter, and he needs to address his drinking before more emotional harm occurs. Healing cannot be outsourced to siblings who are still managing their own wounds.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Many users placed the responsibility squarely on the father, saying his actions caused the damage

NUT-me-SHELL − NTa. The only a__hole here is your father. He’s like a human wrecking ball just f__king s__t up right and left.

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It isn’t your responsibility to clean up your father’s messes or play therapist to Jane and it isn’t fair to even ask that of you. You handled the situation with...

Accurate-Ad-4905 − NTA None of this is you fault, and your dad never said he regretted Jane's existence but, her reaction is understandable and this situation is also not her...

PenelopeDreddfull − NTA. This is way too messy for anyone to actually handle, and you can't help not being connected to your half sister given the circumstances.

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Definitely talk to your dad about therapy for the both of them though, especially for your dad's alcohol abuse.

Impossible-Peach-985 − NTA. The only AH is your father.

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RedEagle7280 − NTA. It’s completely okay if you feel you can’t provide the best possible support in situations like these. We can only do our best. It’s good enough that...

Others showed empathy for Jane while still supporting the poster’s boundaries

BostonRae − NTA You were honest and said that you aren't the best person to speak to about this. You weren't out of line and rude to her. You let...

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She's too young to understand how the cheating effected you. ..etc. This is difficult for everyone involved. Good luck.

rika84 − NTA. It's totally okay to admit when you're not able or willing to give guidance on something. Her response to that was probably more from a place of...

sakura03220 − NTA but if you can find it in your heart, maybe tell Jane that you don’t hate her and that it’s simply because your own history is so...

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That IS a really fucked up thing to hear and who knows how many times/ways he’s shown he feels that way - it’s not surprising she would come to that...

She just wants to feel cared about. It’s NOT your job, but if it’s something you can offer without overextending yourself, it could really help. You yourself know the damage...

sunrise_library − NTA Obviously your dad is TA for both what he did in the past, and for getting so drunk that he could allow himself to say things that...

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That must have been upsetting to her. Could you have done better? Yes. You gave her a pretty darn cold response. But she is not *your* daughter. Dad has to...

[Reddit User] − You didn't tell her that it is, in fact, her existence that made your parents divorce - that would have been AH. You did what you could...

Some commenters shared personal experiences or added deeper emotional context

[Reddit User] − It took me some pondering, but I've decided NTA. This is a hard situation for both you and Jane. You both are innocent victims of your father's...

While Jane is probably the one good result of your dad's cheating, apparently, she is not enough for him to get past your mother and move on with his life.

It was terrible that she had to hear what he said. However, I think that was a lot to lay on you right at that moment. Your dad's actions also...

While Jane needs to be reassured that none of this is her fault and that no one wishes she'd never been born, but that really needs to come from your...

To say he owes Jane an apology is a major understatement. As I see it, your Dad is only AH in this situation. His infidelity created the situation; he is...

His drinking has only made things worse, and he'd better get help before it's too late. Your grandmother is wrong to put this on you. She owes you an apology.

MRAGGGAN − NTA- When I was about Janes age, I overheard my mom discussing her relationship with my bio father, and her lack of s__ ed, with a friend.

In the course of that conversation, my mom said something to the affect of “and she was a total mistake that wasn’t supposed to happen”. It *crushed* me.

I’m 28 now, and because I internalized that for years without telling my mother how much it hurt, it still does a number on my own self worth.

But the fact of the matter is- I **was** a mistake that totally wasn’t supposed to happen. My mom was 16 when she got pregnant.

She was the ONLY person in the family who was dedicated to school, didn’t do drugs, didn’t party; had “I” not thrown a wrench in the works,

my mom probably would’ve gone on to do absolutely amazing things with her life. (Not that she still hasn’t done amazing things, cause she is awesome.)

And what I didn’t realize at my immature age, is that my mom loved (and loves) me with every fiber of her being and my being a mistake doesn’t change...

She doesn’t regret ME, but she does (and is allowed to) have regrets about the way her life ended up because of choices she made.

Your father is TA in this situation, and clearly needs help (AA and/or therapy), but Jane NEEDS to talk to him before she takes this entire conversation to heart. And...

Thriillsy − "Jane, I can be mad at my dad for cheating on my mom and hurting her the way he did, but that doesn't mean I hate you. You...

The reason I suggested a therapist isn't because I hate you, but because they can help you better than I can to find ways of dealing with this trauma.

Sure, we could talk about it with each other, but you have to realize that I DO have my own feelings around my dads cheating. They aren't happy ones, but...

Lonely_Shelter_4744 − NTA I am probably going to get down voted for this but here we go: I can only imagine how hard it is for you to look at...

So I understand your response about not being the best person to talk to about the situation. I do think not only your half sister and your dad could benefit...

Although I won’t go as far as to say you hate your sister I will say you do blame her as does your dad for your parents not being together....

It’s your fathers. Your anger is misplaced. Child hood trauma has away of resurfacing as we get older. Even things we think we are over still affect us.

hyperlexia-1 − Stop picking your dad up from the bar. I grew up in an a__oholic family, I'm married to a guy who's 40 years clean and sober. So I...

The only thing I've ever seen that works to get someone sober is them having to face the full consequences of their drinking. He won't stop being an AH until...

This painful situation highlights how one person’s unresolved regret can wound multiple people at once. A father’s infidelity, his inability to move on, and his recent drinking created a moment that left a teenager questioning her worth and an adult daughter caught between empathy and self-preservation. While compassion matters, so do boundaries. Not every wound can or should be healed by family alone. In a moment like this, who do you think carries the responsibility to make things right?

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