AITA Because I demand that my brother has to obey the dress code at my wedding?

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Amid the whirlwind of wedding planning, where visions of elegance dance like fairy lights, a bride’s dream of a black-tie affair runs into a teenage roadblock. Her 14-year-old brother, all grumbles and eye-rolls, storms against the “uncool” tuxedo she’s insisting he wear, his complaints filling their parents’ cozy living room with tension.

She holds her ground, eager for her closest family to shine in formal splendor, but his sulky silence sparks a pang of guilt. Was her stance too rigid, or is this just a teen’s rebellion running its course? This tale of sibling spats and wedding wishes dives into the messy heart of family ties, asking: when does a bride’s vision outweigh a brother’s defiance, and how do you keep the peace on such a special day?

‘AITA Because I demand that my brother has to obey the dress code at my wedding?’

My fiancé and I(24F) are getting married in June and have decided to have a pretty fancy party, so there is the dress code 'black tie'. Friends and family also took it very positively, only my brother (14) is not happy. I was visiting my parents yesterday

and he was complaining to me the whole time that I should tell our parents that he doesn't have to wear a tuxedo, which I denied, because he's part of my closest family and of course has to obey the rules too, which made him angry with me.

I told him I understand that these clothes don't really appeal to him now, but he'll survive a few hours in a tux. Today I wrote him and wanted to cheer him up a bit, but got no answer. I kinda feel bad,but my fiancé told me i shouldnt worry, thats normal rebellious teenager behaviour, and he´ll get over it.. What do you think?.

Edit: To be honest, I didn't expect my post to get that much attention. I don't have the time to answer everything, so here's some more information:. \- He is a healthy young man, not autistic or otherwise restricted in health.. \-What exactly is his problem? He thinks formal wear is uncool and hates dressing up.

\- Why is it so important to me? It really isn't. But he's my brother, of course I want him to be at my wedding. Even if I said he could come dressed as he wanted, our parents would never let him go on any wedding without a suit and tie. And whether he wears a tie or a bow tie doesn't make a big difference.

This wedding dress code drama is a classic tug-of-war between personal vision and family dynamics. The bride’s insistence on a black-tie event reflects her desire for a cohesive celebration, but her brother’s resistance is peak teenage rebellion. His sulking isn’t personal—it’s just his age showing.

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Family therapist Dr. Joshua Coleman notes, “Teenagers often push back against rules to assert independence, but clear boundaries with empathy can ease tensions” (source). The bride’s firm stance is reasonable—weddings are special, and dress codes set the tone. Yet, her use of “demand” and “obey” may have stoked her brother’s defiance.

This reflects a broader trend: 65% of teens report clashing with family over expectations (Pew Research, 2023). A compromise, like letting him ditch the jacket post-ceremony, could have softened the blow. The bride could try a heart-to-heart, maybe treating him to a fun outing to rebuild their bond.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit brought the sass and wisdom, dishing out takes on this sibling showdown. Here’s what they had to say:

Wheeler-The-Dealer − NTA, your brother is 14 and it's your wedding. The expectation from the start was 'black tie'. I'd just make sure your parents enforces it the day of the wedding.

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weeniehutswag − NTA you can definitely expect him to follow the dress code, just as you expect others to. It’s your wedding. How you approached it may have caused the reaction from him though. “Demand” and “obey” are pretty extreme for a conversation on dress code to a wedding.

PurpleJager − NTA. Most kids and teens have to don a suit, tux or dress at a wedding at some point. He's not special so can abide by the basic rule you've in place.. If my 6yo nephew managed it then a 14yo can definitely survive!

[Reddit User] − NTA for 2 reasons:. 1. It’s your wedding and you have a right to set a dress code. 2. He’s 14 and 14 year old boys are stuck on the default setting of a**hole. I should know; I used to be one and had 2 younger brothers.

Abba_Zaba_ − Yeah I clicked on this ready to read about some bridezilla making everyone spend $500 on matching velvet orange suits and telling women over 150lbs they have a different dress code and making everyone send swatches of the exact shade of black in their tie

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(what? Cobalt instead of Onyx? How dare you?!). But this is quite a normal request. He can suck it up and put a tux on. Once the pictures are done I'm sure he'll wind up tossing the jacket and vest on his chair at the reception like every other dude there. NTA

gdddg − NAH. You can insist on black tie for your wedding. Guests (14 year old teens or not) can be unhappy about it. Like if you're basically telling him 'you'll survive' it's not going to make him look forward to your wedding.

CarryingCargo − NTA. Tell him its black tie so he does have a choice, it's either tux or a posh gown.

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MariKJa − NTA 14 years is old enough for wearing something nice to a wedding

PrincessAna1982 − NTA. He's a 14 year old boy, their default settings is A**hole or Rebellion... Lol. Speaking as a parent of a teenaged boy, he will be fine, he'll sulk, pout, potentially whine and complain but he'll survive.

I would suggest if you feel like this may cause a fracture in your relationship reach out to him in person and explain it and spend some time with him. They generally when they aren't on their default settings really sweet. Maybe offer something special for him as a token of appreciation for him doing this for you.

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CherryCool000 − NAH. It’s your wedding so of course you can put whatever dress code you like in place. But that doesn’t mean everyone has to like it. He’s a 14 year old kid. I don’t know any 14 year old kid that would be delighted at the thought of wearing a tux. Can you compromise? Can he just wear black slacks and a white shirt? Does it HAVE to be a full tux?

These Reddit quips are gold, but do they nail the heart of the issue? Is the bride’s rule fair, or should she cut her brother some slack?

This tale of tuxedos and teenage grumbles reminds us that weddings can stir up more than just confetti—they test family ties. The bride’s vision for a polished day clashed with her brother’s quest to keep it “uncool.” Have you faced family battles over event expectations? What would you do to balance a dream wedding with a sulky sibling? Drop your thoughts below!

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