AITA for warning my roommate’s family to not all go up the elevator together, as they could potentially exceed the weight limit?

In a creaky pre-war building in New York City, where the elevator groans like an old sailor, a simple safety concern sparked unexpected drama. The OP, living with roommates in a charming but outdated apartment, faced a tense moment when their roommate Kathy’s parents visited. With luggage in tow and an elevator that seemed one heavy sigh away from retiring, the OP’s cautious suggestion to split up for the ride was met with fiery accusations of body shaming.

What started as a practical worry about an ancient elevator’s limits turned into a clash of feelings and assumptions. The OP’s attempt to keep everyone safe collided with Kathy’s sensitivity, leaving readers wondering: was this a fair warning or a social misstep? This tale of elevators and emotions dives into the delicate balance of safety and tact.

‘AITA for warning my roommate’s family to not all go up the elevator together, as they could potentially exceed the weight limit?’

My roommates and I live in a Pre-war building in NYC. A lot of the amenities in general are 'lacking' to say the least. So one of my roommates Kathy was having her mom and dad visit. They all were about to go onto the elevator together, now it was me Kathy and her mom and dad. Kathy and her family are on the bigger side, if I had to guess 250+ each.

But Kathy never talks about her weight, nor would I ever ask. And to top it off they had an icecooler and some luggage too. We have a creeky elevator and on it says max weight of 1000lbs on a panel inside (but I don't buy it this elevator is just creeky). When they were about to go up the elevator, I was like guys this elevator is really bad, we should do 2 trips just to be safe.

Kathy and her mom just got MAD. Her mom didn't say anything but looked at me with anger. Kathy on the other hand started yelling at me. Saying that I am disgusting for shaming her and her family for their weight. I was like no, its just that you guys have so much luggage.

Kathy didn't buy it, they all got in anyways. I lied and said I had to pick up mail, I was scared of getting in. They were all able to go up just fine. And Kathy then told our other roommate that I was body shaming her and her family.

Navigating a touchy situation like an elevator’s weight limit can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield. The OP’s concern was rooted in safety, but Kathy and her mom interpreted it as a jab at their size. This clash highlights a broader issue: how do we address practical concerns without bruising egos? According to a 2019 study by the American Psychological Association, miscommunication often escalates when personal insecurities are triggered .

Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, notes, “When emotions run high, people may hear criticism where none was intended” . Here, the OP’s focus on the elevator’s 1000-pound limit was pragmatic, but Kathy’s reaction suggests a deeper sensitivity about weight. The OP tried to soften the delivery by mentioning luggage, yet the message landed like a lead balloon.

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This scenario reflects a common social challenge: balancing honesty with empathy. Weight limits, like those on elevators or amusement rides, exist for safety, not judgment. The OP’s decision to step back and avoid the elevator was a quiet way to prioritize safety without escalating the conflict further.

For future situations, experts suggest framing concerns neutrally. Saying, “This old elevator struggles with heavy loads, so let’s split up for safety,” might defuse tension. Encouraging open dialogue, like calmly explaining intentions afterward, can also rebuild trust.

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Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of support and sharp takes, like a lively diner debate. Here’s what they had to say, raw and unfiltered:

No-Jellyfish-1208 − NTA. First, you didn't shame them, you just said the elevator is bad.. Second, there is a reason why there are weight limits on certain objects.

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repyh14 − NTA I get that weight is a sensitive issue, but it sounds like you tactfully raised a safety concern. It'd be a different case if you were like 'Yo Kathy yo momma so fat she's gonna break this elevator!'

Massive-Emergency-42 − NTA. I’m here for fat positivity. Safety regulations are safety regulations. Kids under a certain height and weight can’t ride certain roller coasters, people avoid hot tubs during early pregnancy, and elevators have weight limits.

“This elevator sucks. It’s pre-war and it creaks and jutters when **I** ride it **alone**. I don’t trust the labeled weight limit at all. Your weight is none of my business and I’d never shame you for it, but I am worried about everyone’s safety.”

[Reddit User] − NTA so long as you aren't just really bad at approximating weight, but they for sure are. Overweight people need to be realistic about their actual weight for many safety reasons. If they can't do that and are reacting as they are then that is a mental health issue on top of a weight issue.

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To put it in perspective. The average adult male in the US is 180 to 200 pounds, and the average woman in the US is about 160 to 180 pounds. Sounds like you were talking about 4 people plus luggage. If all 4 are average, you are sitting at 720/1000 with body weight alone.

If we assume you are average (I'm assuming you are a man but I guess now I'm not sure?) and take you out of the 1000, that leaves about 800 to 840 pounds of wiggle room. That allows for a range of 270 to 280 pounds per person in Kathy's family. If you are good at your guess of 250+ per person, then it was a realistic fear that needed addressed.

SueDohNymn − NTA. You didn't out and out mention weight, mom & Kathy immediately jumped to that conclusion because they are self-conscious. That's on them. You were being safe not just for you, but for them. And when they didn't take the cue, you bowed out rather gracefully. That is anything BUT an a**hole move. Let them slay their own demons, this one isn't on you.

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Vaibhashi69 − This happened with me too. Got stuck in an elevator with a very heavy family. Had to wait for 30-40 minutes to be rescued. While the whole time they were just giggling about it.. That time I was barely 140 pounds and those people weighed 280-290 pounds.. each.. So, NTA

[Reddit User] − NTA. If it's 1000 pound weight limit in an old building, you very likely could have been in danger.

6poundpuppy − NTA. I have no sympathy for X large people pretending they’re not X large, or worse yet, behaving like they’re actually daring you to comment in someway so they can cry “BODY SHAMING”!!!. They’re only fooling themselves.

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DannyBigD − NTA. You were observing a possible safety hazard. Not unlike the height requirements on some roller coasters, should kids and shorter people be offended? No.

Sneaky__Fox85 − NTA - You can tell your roomie that it's not body shaming, it was 'ensuring they are aware of their environment given their life choices and genetic conditions'. The simple fact, whether it's their 'fault' or not that they're fat,

it is a limiting factor for many things. Airline seats, roller coaster restraint bars, and elevator weight limits. They need better situational awareness. They lucked out this time, but sooner or later luck runs out.

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These Redditors rallied behind the OP, praising their safety-first mindset while tossing in some cheeky elevator jabs. Many saw Kathy’s reaction as a leap to defensiveness, but do these spicy takes capture the full picture, or are they just stirring the pot?

This story of a creaky elevator and a heated misunderstanding reminds us how quickly good intentions can spark conflict. The OP’s safety concern was valid, but Kathy’s hurt feelings show how words can land differently than intended. It’s a classic case of practicality meeting personal sensitivity, leaving both sides stuck in an awkward standoff. How would you navigate this tight spot? Would you risk the creaky ride or speak up like the OP? Share your thoughts and experiences below—what would you do in this elevator dilemma?

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