AITA for not giving my sister the wedding gift she wanted because of how she treated my girlfriend?

In a whirlwind of wedding bells and family drama, a man finds himself caught between loyalty to his long-term girlfriend and his sister’s big day. Joyful moment—his sister asking his girlfriend to be a bridesmaid—soured when she ghosted her, leaving hurt feelings and broken promises in the wake. Instead of the coveted baking mixer his sister expected as a wedding gift, he sent a check, a petty jab at her callous behavior.

The scene unfolds in a flurry of texts and tense family chats, with the sting of exclusion hanging heavy. His girlfriend, Naomi, once a trusted confidante to his sister, faces repeated snubs, pushing him to take a stand. Readers might feel the burn of his frustration, wondering if his retaliation crossed a line or rightfully called out disrespect. This tale of wedding woes and sibling strife asks how far we go to defend those we love.

‘AITA for not giving my sister the wedding gift she wanted because of how she treated my girlfriend?’

My girlfriend Naomi and I have been together for over a decade. My younger sister, Sarah, ans my girlfriend have never been super close but are friendly when we get together, or I guess they were. When Sarah was in high school Naomi helped her out with some personal things. Sarah got married a few days ago.

When Sarah announced her engagement to the family she asked Naomi to be a bridesmaid, which surprised us a little but Naomi was very excited because she's never gotten to do it before and probably won't have the chance. I want to be clear there was no suggestion from either of us Sarah should ask her, it was about two seconds after she told us she was engaged.

She said that she was so grateful to Naomi for the help when she was younger and Naomi was very touched. A few weeks later Sarah posts her 'bridesmaid proposals brunch'. Naomi wasn't there. Sarah never said it to either of our faces directly but clearly she'd changed her mind. Naomi was hurt but said she understood because she hadn't expected the ask anyway.

That would have been fine, but then a few months later Sarah asks Naomi to go to the batchelorette party and also come get ready the day of with her friends and bridesmaids. Same thing, Naomi says yes and even helped her find a good place to go and a rental. A month and a half before the wedding I'm talking to my mom on the phone and she mentions that Sarah's at her batchelorette... no mention of it to Naomi.

Now I'm kind of pissed because Naomi was clearly very hurt at two invites and then being sort of ghosted. A week before the wedding Naomi texted Sarah and asked about getting ready and hair and makeup, and Sarah responds acting confused and basically tells her nicely to just come with me. Then I was really pissed.

Sarah wanted this really expensive baking mixer thing for a long time and I got it for her for her wedding gift. My mom had ruined the surprise so she expected it. But after everything with Naomi I felt like being petty, and I cut her a check instead and returned the mixer.

ADVERTISEMENT

A few days after the wedding Sarah texts me saying 'I don't know how to ask this but what happened to the mixer'. And I responded I didn't know how to ask but what happened to treating my gf like a freaking human being. Now my brother and my new brother in law and my mom are all texting me saying 'wtf' and that I'm ruining her happy time. Naomi for her part says I probably shouldn't have done that but she feels a little vindicated.. AITA

UPDATE: So I talked to Sasha and things just got more confusing. She said when she asked Naomi to be a bridesmaid she meant an 'honorary' bridesmaid. She then said for the Bachelorette party Naomi had told her she works most weekends so she didn't think that Naomi was able to attend and was just helping her to plan.

ADVERTISEMENT

Naomi said that she told Sarah to give her dates so she could take off. Naomi is a very non confrontational person and had asked me to not bring up the bridesmaid or Bachelorette things because she didnt't want ro feel like she was 'pushing in' at the time which is why I didn't. The makeup thing my sister said that Naomi had told her she would do her own hair so she didn't see a reason for her to come get ready with them.

My sister is still pissed at me and says I ruined her honeymoon period (she's not on a trip) and some other really crappy stuff so I just hung up on her. She also said that not giving the mixer was rude to her and her husband which is hilarious because my BIL probably figure out how to turn on the oven without neon flashing signs. Thanks for all the comments I've never seen that many on any reddit post I've ever made in my life.

ADVERTISEMENT

Weddings can turn family ties into tightropes, especially when respect falters. Dr. Gary Chapman, a relationship counselor , notes, “Hurtful actions, even unintentional, require acknowledgment to rebuild trust.” The sister’s flip-flopping—inviting Naomi as a bridesmaid, then excluding her without explanation—was a breach of trust, leaving Naomi humiliated and the OP justified in his anger.

The sister’s vague excuses, like assuming Naomi’s work schedule or hair plans, suggest miscommunication or intentional slight, both damaging in a close relationship. A 2023 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 70% of family conflicts stem from unclear expectations, as seen here. Her expectation of an expensive gift despite her actions fueled the OP’s decision to pivot to a check.

Chapman advises, “Repair begins with honest dialogue.” The OP could initiate a calm talk to clarify intentions, while the sister should apologize for her oversight. For readers, this underscores the importance of mutual respect in family events—clear communication prevents hurt. The OP’s petty move was understandable but sharing his reasoning earlier might have softened the fallout, fostering healing over resentment.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit squad brought their A-game, serving up a mix of cheers and theories for this wedding gift drama. Here’s the unfiltered scoop, buzzing with support and speculation:

ADVERTISEMENT

mlssac − NTA Wow, your sister is... spacey? or just an A? I'm glad you said what you did.

duckingridiculous − NTA - I wouldn’t have even given her a check. I would have bought her a whisk or a spatula, and told her “oh mom must have been confused, just like you were when Naomi asked you about getting ready.” But I am petty like that.. ETA: thank you for the awards, kind redditors.

[Reddit User] − NTA - your sister treated your GF like garbage and didn't deserve the expensive gift. I personally LOVE your level of petty

ADVERTISEMENT

Initial_Confusion_48 − NTA, I think it's brilliant how you stood up for your girlfriend and your sister is lucky you got her a gift at all.

Kindly_Egg_7480 − NTA. It is your gift and your choice. I am very confused about your sister's motivation on all this though. Does she have a vendetta against your girlfriend and is using the occasion to try to hurt her? Is she very absent-minded and keeps forgetting who she inviting? Is it possible that your girlfriend offended your sister in some way after the invites? I think having an actual talk with her might be a better way to resolve this issue.

IndividualSound5365 − NTA - Your sister is playing games with your girlfriend and/or you and not very nice ones at that. Ghosting her and gaslighting both of you is incredibly disrespectful. And very manipulative and downright mean.

ADVERTISEMENT

Poor Naomi, I’m not surprised she’s upset, who wouldn’t be. As for the rest of your family - ignore them. Along with your sister and brother in law, your family are all TAs for trying to make you back down. Stick to your guns and your girlfriend m’dear, she seems lovely x

Fredka321 − Does memory loss run in your family? /s I think your sister was an ass here. Either don't invite or stay with whom you invited. Rescinding invites like that without a cause it's a**hole behavior.. I assume I would have reacted similarly. Probably would have been a monetary gift from me.. Edit: Forgot to add NTA

wlfwrtr − NTA Your sister used your GF to make herself look good. When asked to be bridesmaid she probably got a lot of people saying, 'Oh, that's so nice.' Then when she needed help finding a place for the party she roped GF into helping by saying she was coming to party,

ADVERTISEMENT

after she had help she neglected to invite her. Anyone who says, 'WTF' tell them, 'That's what happens when you offer something then don't follow through. If this has ruined her happy time maybe she should use the time to reflect on how others feel when she does it to them.'

NiceButton7 − NTA, your sister is 90s teen movie mean girl level of evil. Actions have consequences. You still gave her a cheque which is beyond generous of you.

dart1126 − NTA. I would normally say I can’t believe she had the gall to say ‘what happened to the mixer’ instead of just thanks for what you gave….but then I remembered the rest of the post. Your sister is a real jerk I’m sorry to say. Love your response!

ADVERTISEMENT

Redditors hailed the OP’s loyalty to Naomi, slamming his sister’s “mean girl” antics as manipulative. Some questioned her motives; others loved his clapback but urged a heart-to-heart. Do these takes nail the situation, or just amp up the family feud?

This man’s choice to swap a coveted wedding gift for a check was a bold stand for his girlfriend, highlighting the cost of disrespect in family ties. His sister’s actions, intentional or not, left wounds that a mixer couldn’t fix. Weddings should unite, not divide, but clear communication is key. What would you do if a sibling disrespected your partner during their big moment? Share your thoughts—how do you balance family loyalty and defending your loved ones?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *