AITA for telling my sister to shut up about her weight?

A cozy family gathering took a sharp turn when a sister’s loud complaints about “fatphobic” fashion choices sparked a heated clash. Picture a chilly evening, a warm living room, and a boyfriend slipping into his oversized band jacket—only to be met with sighs and accusations. The OP, caught between loyalty to her sister and defending her partner, snapped, telling her sister to “shut up” about her weight obsession. The fallout? Hurt feelings, angry texts, and a family rift.

This story dives into the messy intersection of body image, personal boundaries, and family dynamics. The OP’s frustration resonates with anyone who’s navigated a loved one’s relentless complaints, while her sister’s reaction raises questions about respect and sensitivity. How do you balance honesty with kindness when someone’s behavior crosses a line? Let’s unpack this drama.

‘AITA for telling my sister to shut up about her weight?’

Ok so my older sister (29F) is obese to put it lightly, she's 5’8 and is about 300lb. She's very vocal about the fact that she likes the way she is and doesn't want to lose weight, which I don't care about, it's her body. But it gets annoying when she criticizes literally everything for being “f**phobic” and “diet culture”.

She complains that sugary options cost more than plain options, that clothes stores don't all carry larger sizes, that I order less than her when we go out, when she sees a non-fat person wearing oversized clothes etc. Now I've been with my current boyfriend for almost a year now.

And due to a mix of parental influence depression and medical issues he used to be overweight as a kid and teen (overweight not obese). In college, he started getting better both with his mental health and his medical condition, he distanced himself from his mother (they have a very toxic relationship) and get really into some sports and played on the teams.

He's now a healthy weight and this all happened before I met him. Well my boyfriend came over this weekend, this would be the first time he's met my sister in person, they talked and everything seemed fine, until it got a bit later in the evening when it got a bit cold, so my boyfriend put on his jacket.

It's from a band he loved and he got it when he was a teen so it was a bit big on him. When my sister saw it she very loudly started sighing until our mom asked her what's wrong, she started going on about how it's unfair that privileged skinny people are buying clothes made for larger people making them harder to find since companies already don't cater to all body types.

My boyfriend shyly replied that he had this before he lost weight, which made my sister roll her eyes and groan “oh you're one of those people” and started making assumptions like that my boyfriend must push his “diet” on me and shame others for not working out.

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It was very clearly making him upset so i told her to shut up and that not everything is about her or her weight, she left in a bad mood and has now been texting me saying how disappointed she is in me that im not siding with her, my sister. And calling my boyfriend some n**ty and borderline h**ophobic names. I've been ignoring her but maybe I just shouldn't have been as rude as I was? Idk, AITA?

EDIT: I just wanted to say something because I think the comments here have gotten a bit hateful and out of hand. I've never been rude to mean to my sister because of her weight, I find it annoying when things being 'f**phobic' and 'diet culture' is all she talks about, the same way id get annoyed if all someone talked about was cars, or politics.

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I've found men and women who aren't skinny to be attractive, and even though I'm probably bias here because I think he's the most beautiful person to ever exist, but I've still thought my boyfriend looks amazing in older photos. this had nothing to do with the fact shes fat, shes just f**king annoying.

Family gatherings can be a minefield when personal insecurities clash with public opinions. The OP’s situation, where her sister’s fixation on weight-related issues derailed a casual evening, highlights a broader tension: balancing self-acceptance with respect for others. The sister’s accusations toward the OP’s boyfriend reflect a defensive posture, possibly rooted in her own struggles, but her approach alienated those around her.

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Dr. Susan Albers, a clinical psychologist specializing in body image, notes in Psychology Today , “Body positivity can empower, but when it becomes a lens to judge others, it risks turning toxic.” The sister’s reaction—labeling the boyfriend’s jacket as “privileged”—suggests she’s projecting her frustrations onto others. Her subsequent insults reveal a lack of empathy, undermining her push for acceptance. Meanwhile, the OP’s sharp retort, though understandable, escalated the conflict rather than defusing it.

This scenario reflects a larger societal debate about body image and accountability. A 2021 study from the Journal of Health Psychology found that 68% of people feel judged for their body size in social settings, often leading to defensive behaviors. The sister’s fixation on “diet culture” may stem from real societal pressures, but her delivery alienates potential allies, like her sister and boyfriend, who weren’t attacking her.

For the OP, setting boundaries is key. Dr. Albers suggests calmly addressing specific behaviors rather than snapping: “Express how the comments impact you, like, ‘I feel uncomfortable when you assume things about my partner.’” This approach maintains respect while clarifying the issue. The sister could benefit from reflecting on why she feels compelled to criticize others, perhaps exploring therapy to address underlying insecurities. Both parties need open dialogue to rebuild trust.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, diving into the drama with a mix of sharp wit and blunt takes. Here’s what they had to say, unfiltered and brimming with opinions:

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Worried_Aerie_7512 − NTA. She doesn’t actually like how she is, but instead of doing the work to change it she’d rather make it like everyone else has the issue when they don’t. She needs to get a personality other than about her weight

mdthomas − Editing to add clarification: My issue is with people who are very at an unhealthy weight and are able to do something about it, but choose not to. I'm not saying everyone needs to look like a model, but if you're 100 pounds overweight, no, I don't have to think it's a good thing.

It's more about the attitude and choosing not to be personally accountable for your health, but then getting upset when said weight impacts something they want to do. I really dislike this kind of fat person.

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It's the 'oh, I'm fat and don't like it, but I don't really want to do anything about it because it would be hard, so I'll say I like how I am and then be pissy when the world doesn't bend over backward to accommodate me!'. I'm totally good with being fat tolerant, doesn't mean I have to accept it.. NTA

Old_Calligrapher_962 − NTA. Your sister is annoying. Her personality is literally her weight.

Sad_Employment_2834 − NTA - She needs to chill the f**k out. Your sister is obviously not happy about her weight or she wouldn’t be talking about it so much. Being overweight is not an accomplishment. She demands acceptance but clearly she can’t accept anyone else. Total hypocrisy.

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bluejayhope − NTA. Body positivity can be a good thing… but it can also be really toxic. Looks like your sister is caught up in an idea that it’s okay to be mean to people as long as they don’t look like you.

Glasgowghirl67 − NTA, your sister picked a fight with him over a t shirt and then got mad when he mentioned he lost weight after buying the t shirt. She is the one that brought up weight no one else.

HaveAMorcelOfMyMind − NTA I am a little biased in that I hold a lot of contempt for the 'pro-fat' movement. I fail to see how being that overweight could possibly be a good thing, your boyfriend put in a ton of work to put his life together which is an incredibly hard thing to do,

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of course her comments were hurtful and upsetting to him. If anyone is pushing their 'lifestyle' it's your sister, the world doesnt revolve around her, she can have her lifestyle but she needs to be respectful of other people having theirs too.

SL33PYSL0THIE − NTA- people of any size can wear what they want! A fat person can wear a skimpy bikini , a skinny person can wear a large oversized top, I used to be very skinny and wore huge hoodies all the time because I love oversized hoodies,there comfy af , I'm chubby/curvy now and will happily wear a crop top and shorts in summer , your sister can't police the world to accommodate her just because she's obese

angrylightningbug − NTA but as an obese person, the comments here sure are pointing out all the assholes... Your words hurt people guys. Just stop and have some kindness for once in your life.

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sorrowchan − S**tty bait post to make all the armchair doctors on reddit feel good about themselves lmfao

These Redditors rallied behind the OP, praising her for standing up for her boyfriend while calling out the sister’s hypocrisy. Some saw her behavior as a cry for help; others dubbed it plain rude. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the family feud? One thing’s certain: this story struck a chord.

This tale of clashing perspectives shows how quickly a family night can turn sour when personal insecurities take center stage. The OP’s frustration with her sister’s relentless complaints is relatable, but her sharp words may have deepened the rift. Navigating body image discussions requires a delicate balance of empathy and boundaries—easier said than done. What would you do if a loved one’s comments crossed a line in a family setting? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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