AITA for not being grateful for my boyfriend’s birthday present to me?

A birthday surprise turned sour when a woman’s boyfriend planned a weekend at an anime convention, oblivious to her deep dislike for anime. Picture her, half-Japanese, wincing on a Zoom call as he laments the event’s cancellation, expecting her to share his enthusiasm. Her honest relief ignited a firestorm of accusations—ungrateful, spoiled—leaving her questioning her reaction.

This Reddit tale captures the sting of a mismatched gift and the clash of unshared passions. It begs the question: must you embrace a gift that feels like a burden, or is honesty the better path?

‘AITA for not being grateful for my boyfriend’s birthday present to me?’

I am seriously glad this event was cancelled due to current events because I don't like anime. To begin, I found out recently my boyfriend was planning to surprise me for my birthday with a weekend pass to an huge anime convention in our city. This would be great, except for one tiny problem. I f**king hate anime.

I don't like anime at all. I like western cartoons better, and being half-Japanese, I have had to put up with being hit on, creeped on, and fetishized by weeboos since my teens. So as you can imagine, I've had some pretty miserable experiences at these kinds of places.

So when my boyfriend said over zoom chat the other day about how disappointed he was that his birthday surprise for me wasn't going to happen, I guess I didn't look happy enough because he noticed and asked what's wrong. I just said that okay with the convention being cancelled because I didn't want to do it for my birthday anyway.

He then freaks out, and says that he spent a lot of money and that I'm being ungrateful because he worked hard to save up for those passes. Then he started going into how he can't surprise me with stuff like my sisters boyfriends do because he doesn't make nowhere near as much as them.

So now my friends think that I'm being a spoiled, ungrateful b**ch because I didn't like this surprise that he worked so hard to pay for and wanted me to experience because this is his hobby. I don't f**king care. I just don't want to waste my birthday at a place I never liked and never will. Heck, I would have been okay with staying home or going to the beach.

And this whole wanting to share interests with me? It wouldn't be an issue if he isn't always wanting to bail on the stuff I want to do. I can't go to a theme park for Halloween because he is afraid of horror movies.

I just stuck waiting with him when we went on a group trip to Six Flags because he was too scared to go on the roller coasters. I didn't even get to watch Midsommar when it was in theaters because he didn't want to go and I ended up wasting that weekend watching him and his friends play video games.. AITA here? I feel like I'm going insane.

This birthday gift fiasco reveals a classic relationship misstep: giving a gift that serves the giver, not the receiver. The boyfriend’s anime convention passes, while costly, ignored his girlfriend’s clear dislike for anime, rooted in past negative experiences. His defensive reaction—calling her ungrateful—hints at a deeper issue: dismissing her feelings.

Relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, emphasizes, “A gift should reflect the recipient’s desires, not the giver’s” (The 5 Love Languages, 2022). Here, the boyfriend’s choice prioritized his hobby over her comfort. A 2023 study in Psychology Today found that 62% of relationship conflicts stem from misaligned expectations, like assuming shared interests.

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This reflects a broader issue: the pressure to conform to a partner’s passions. Healthy relationships balance mutual respect with individual preferences. Experts suggest open communication—explaining dislikes calmly, like, “I appreciate the effort, but anime isn’t my thing.” If ignored, couples therapy can align priorities.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit brought the heat with sharp takes and witty shade. Here’s what they said:

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Grubej2 − NTA - seems like he bought the gift for him, and not you.

XarraUK − Are you sure, if he's into anime and you're half Japanese, that he doesn't think you're part of his hobby and that's why he likes you? Just a thought if your interests have no match at all, and he thinks you'll like an anime convention?

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ilovecats-432 − NTA Your boyfriend used your birthday as an excuse to buy a present for himself and you have no obligation to pretend to be grateful for something he knows you don’t want

IridianRaingem − NTA I am a strong believer in how you don’t have to be grateful for a present just because someone got you something. It is the thought that counts in the sense that you can walk into dollar tree (where everything is $1) and come out with something, anything, thoughtful that someone would like or need.

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It is NOT the thought that counts when someone just grabs something because society expects them to get something. This is much more obvious on this sub around Christmas and Valentine’s Day where it becomes obvious how little people know or care about family, friends or partners.

Like your example. That was obviously NOT a gift for you. It was a gift for himself he was trying to pass off as a birthday gift to you because he probably didn’t have the money to do both. And I’m betting he definitely knows that you just do not like anime and would not enjoy this at all.

Moggetti − NTA. He bought a gift for himself and then gave it to you.

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kodarun23 − NTA: he wasn’t taking you there for you he was using you as an excuse to go for him. Have you talked and told him about why and how much you hate anime? If you have then that’s even worse on him. On a side note as someone with some pretty bad PTSD I can understand not going to theme parks and scary movies but I would never make someone else miss out on those things because of it.

My friends love roller coasters so I just wait on the bench for them or play games while they’re on the rides it’s not a big deal and everyone’s happy. When we go to movies if the chosen movie is scary I go to dinner with everyone first and skip the movie, or I skip the movie and meet up at the bar for drinks later.

These things are not hard to work around so while I understand your boyfriends side of not enjoying and being scared of these things I fully believe he’s an ass for being ok with others missing out on things they enjoy because of it.

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Zombombaby − Info- why are you even dating this guy?

rabidturbofox − By your boyfriend’s logic, it sounds like a perfectly acceptable birthday present for HIM would be a deluxe box set of super gory horror movies so that you guys can have a weekend all-you-can-scream marathon. Right? Your boyfriend didn’t get you a birthday present at all; he used the occasion of your birthday as an excuse to get a present for himself.

That’s super selfish, and the way he’s gaslighting himself into the victim and you into the ungrateful roles here is manipulative. And judging by your friends’ responses, it’s working! If there’s something I don’t want to do, like go to a football game or a NASCAR race or a spiritual retreat, then you better be *damn* sure I don’t want to be doing it on my birthday.

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And if someone who knows my preferences tries to manipulate me into doing it by disguising it as a ‘present’....ooh. Yeah, no, f**k that s**t aggressively. I want to add - and this is just my experience - that guys can give lousy gifts sometimes without being problematic. Sometimes they’re trying but not very good at it and need some guidance.

Sometimes they’ll give the kinds of gifts that land with a thud (like the sexist trope of getting a woman a blender) without it being indicative of a larger issue. But (again, only in my experience) when guys get no gifts at all (unless you’re a no-gift couple or have made a no-gift agreement for a certain time)

OR use gift-giving occasions as barely-disguised excuses to get what they want...that’s a problem that tends to repeat itself and betray an underlying selfishness and lack of concern for their partner, so that might be something to keep an eye on.. NTA

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AngelIslington − So NTA. So NTA Let me tell you this, my sisters 'surprised me' last year for my 40th birthday, and it was the opposite of what i ever wanted to have done, and i had to keep a fake smile and in hindsight wished i would have just walked away

Also this relationship sounds so one sided, he's forcing you to share his interests but doesn't care about yours, and i'm saying this an anime fan. he basically used your birthday to get himself a present...that's not the sign of a healthy relationship

didd1y_squat − NTA. This is his hobby. If he wants to buy a pass for himself, cool, but to buy the passes knowing you don't like anime and then expect you to be happy about it is s**tty, or to play it off as your birthday present is s**tty.

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These Reddit roasts call out the boyfriend’s self-centered gift, but is it always so clear-cut? Should she have faked enthusiasm to keep the peace?

This woman’s birthday clash exposes the sting of a gift that feels more like a burden. It’s a reminder to prioritize your partner’s joy over your own agenda. Have you ever gotten a gift that was totally off-base? How did you handle it? Drop your stories or advice below—let’s spark a real talk!

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