AITA for telling my SIL she’s acting weird about my wedding?

Picture a sunny island, where wedding bells are set to chime for a young couple ready to tie the knot. The bride-to-be, glowing with excitement, plans a small, safe ceremony to celebrate love amid a post-COVID world. But there’s a shadow over her joy: her sister-in-law (SIL), who seems determined to mirror every detail of the wedding, from the sparkling engagement ring to the elegant wedding dress. What should be a joyful milestone feels like a tug-of-war over the spotlight.

This bride’s dilemma, shared on Reddit, captures a universal struggle—navigating family dynamics when personal boundaries are tested. Her SIL’s obsession with copying her choices, paired with a mother-in-law’s fiery defense, has sparked a family feud. With her fiancé and father-in-law in her corner, she’s left wondering if she’s wrong for standing her ground. Let’s dive into her story and see what’s really at play.

‘AITA for telling my SIL she’s acting weird about my wedding?’

Hello, so I'll try to keep it short. I'm possibly getting married this summer, covid cases have gone down a lot the past few months and most of my family and friends are vaccinated since we live in a small island and our vaccination was fast.

I've invited very few friends and family because despite the restrictions being relaxed I still want to keep the wedding as safe as possible with as few people as possible. Now here comes my SIL. For some background context, few years ago when my fiancé proposed to me she got jealous of my ring and wanted to order the exact same one and replace her own engagement ring.

Mind you, she's married with 4 kids and she's more than 10 years older than me and my fiancé (aka her brother). She was insisting on getting her ring replaced and I found it very weird so did my fiancé and he tried to tell her multiple times to cut it off. Few months later she ended up getting her ring replaced and her fiancé got their the same one as mine.

Now with my wedding she saw my wedding dress and insists on getting the same dress as my wedding dress just in a different color. She also found wedding bands like the ones we got and she got them too as a simple ring for herself. When she made the convo about the wedding dress I told her I'm not comfortable with that and I could help her find a really nice dress if she wanted.

She got mad and started screaming at me that I'm not letting her shine and I'm scared that she'll overshadow me. I told her that my wedding is not about her and she needs to get over herself. My fiancé backed me up and told his sister to cut the bs or she will not be invited to the wedding at all.

The exact same day in the evening my MIL called me screaming that I made her daughter upset and I should be ashamed for creating issues within the family and that if my SIL wants to wear a dress like mine I should be the one to suck it up.

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My FIL took our side and said that my SIL and MIL are out of their minds for these demands. But the rest of my fiancé's family said we are TA because we're making a big deal out of a stupid dress and stupid rings.. AITA for telling my SIL my wedding is not about her??

This wedding saga is less about dresses and rings and more about boundaries being trampled like a poorly timed conga line. The bride’s SIL seems caught in a cycle of comparison, chasing the bride’s spotlight. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, “Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect and clear boundaries.” The SIL’s actions—copying the bride’s ring and dress—suggest a deeper need for validation, possibly rooted in insecurity or envy.

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The bride’s frustration is understandable; her wedding is a personal milestone, not a stage for someone else’s performance. The SIL’s insistence on mimicking her choices, paired with her outburst about “shining,” hints at jealousy, perhaps amplified by her own life stage—married with four kids, past her own “newlywed glow.” Meanwhile, the MIL’s reaction escalates the tension, dismissing the bride’s valid concerns. This dynamic reflects a broader issue: family members overstepping during major life events. A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association notes that 68% of couples experience family-related stress during wedding planning, often due to clashing expectations.

Dr. Gottman advises setting firm boundaries with empathy: “Acknowledge the other person’s feelings, but don’t compromise your own needs.” The bride tried this by offering to help her SIL find a different dress, a gesture that was met with hostility. Moving forward, the couple should maintain clear communication with the SIL and MIL, perhaps limiting shared details to avoid further copying. If tensions persist, a neutral family mediator could help de-escalate. The bride’s decision to prioritize her wedding’s integrity is a step toward protecting her emotional space, ensuring her day remains hers.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a feast of opinions with a side of sass. From calling the SIL’s behavior “obsessive” to suggesting the bride switch dresses on the sly, the community had her back. Here’s a taste of their unfiltered takes:

Lesland − NTA. My oldest sister sounds like your future SIL. I have no advice. But you are not the a**hole.

Possible_Wonder − NTA - How does your family not see what is happening?. Also, my petty side wants you to get a new dress without telling her.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your sister in law IS trying to 'outshine' you. She told on HERSELF with her comment. She's probably extremely jealous and very insecure. You are younger. You are meeting a new life milestone and getting lots of attention. You don't have 4 kids. The major life milestones are sort of over for her for a while. She's already been married.

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She's already had the grandbabies and been fawned over. Her kids are older and not cute attention grabbing newborn anymore. She probably doesn't have much going on outside of the grunt work of parenthood times 4 and is probably extremely jealous of your youth, your new milestones,

and the positive attention you are receiving for them....since that part of her life (everything new and shiney and exciting) is long gone. Honesty I would ban her from the wedding. She's not in a good place mentally and will probably try to destroy it.

When people are miserable they can't stand other people's happiness and will do everything to bring them down into misery too. Don't let her issues inside herself ruine your special day. She's already HAD hers. She doesn't need to bring the attention onto her at yours too by throwing a temper tantrum and trying to 'outshine' you.

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Redefined421 − NTA. You and your fiancé aren’t the ones making a big deal “out a stupid dress and stupid rings”, your SIL is. She wants all of the attention on her. If I had to guess, she probably didn’t have a nice, planned wedding herself, so she’s trying to make up for that now.

She seems like the type that would pull a crazy, attention-seeking stunt at your wedding, like having her husband “propose” to her to renew their vows or announce a pregnancy at your wedding/reception. As for your MIL, all I can say is I’m sorry you’re going to have to deal with that nightmare for the rest of your life.

The__Riker__Maneuver − Yeah no. just go ahead and uninvite her and hire security so she can't crash the wedding (which judging by MIL's reaction is exactly what will happen). This is not normal at all. Better to get the family s**t storm over with now than deal with this nonsense right before the wedding.

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Because we all know that she is going to wear that dress to the wedding, it's going to cause issues, and it's going to take all the joy out of the day. This woman is obsessed with you and it's not normal and it's not healthy. Whatever the reasoning is, now is the time to tackle it head on so you can enjoy your wedding and enjoy your future together. NTA

[Reddit User] − 'I'm not letting her shine and I'm scared that she'll overshadow me' 🙅‍♀️NTA. She's the one who's being insecure, for years, to the point of **obssession**. She's projecting because SHE'S the one who feels that YOU always shine, SHE'S the one scared of always being OVERSHADOWED by YOU and your relationship.

I'd distance myself a lot. The whole *~~copy is the best form of flattery~~*, it's BS. It's not some sort of admiration. You admire somebody's integrity,work ethic... Not a ring, a wedding, a relationship, a wardrobe... Not inviting her sounds reasonable.

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DrinKwine7 − NTA. Wear the dress she’s copying to your rehearsal dinner and get a different dress for the wedding. Tell no one your plan.

Beabandit − Honestly I would ask very uncomfortable questions to those of the family calling you the AH: Do you think SIL is in love with her brother? Why otherwise does she feel the need to wear a wedding dress? Why did she need the same engagement ring her brother offered me and why does she also want the same rings we chose for us as a couple?

I find it unhealthy but what is your opinion? I also feel very bad for her husband and children and worry about them, don't you? I'm afraid she will continue to make a transfer and sabotage her own relationship. If you don't think she's in love with her brother, do you think it's just a need for attention?

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Does she feel she needs to be the center of attention on her brother's day? Does it come from a childhood trauma maybe? Did she show mental health issues because she felt she was not seen enough as a child after her brother was born? Does she resent her brother and that's why she needs to have her way on a day that should be about him and me? And so on...

Those are all questions that you should ask people who think they know better. You are definitely NTA and you should talk about it with your future husband very seriously because there is a true problem here. What she does are not actions of a sane person. Far from it. Psychosis should be acknowledged and treated not enabled.

inquisikat − Stop sharing details with your fiancé’s sister and mother!

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revmat − NTA. I'm not much of a traditionalist but wearing the same dress as the bride (even in a different color) is incredibly rude and attention-seeking.

These Redditors rallied behind the bride, cheering her for setting boundaries and calling out the SIL’s antics. Some saw jealousy at play; others warned of potential wedding-day drama. But do their spicy takes capture the full picture, or are they just fanning the flames?

This bride’s story reminds us that weddings, while joyful, can unearth tricky family dynamics. Her SIL’s need to mirror her choices and the MIL’s fiery defense highlight how personal insecurities can spill into someone else’s big day. The bride’s firm stance, backed by her fiancé and FIL, shows the power of holding your ground with grace. Yet, the family’s split opinions leave room for reflection. What would you do if someone tried to steal your spotlight on a day meant for you? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep the conversation going!

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