AITA for refusing to work overtime resulting in other people having to do so?

In a cozy suburban home, a guardian’s steadfast routine anchors two young lives, one needing unyielding structure. But at work, their refusal to work overtime sparks a fiery clash with a new mom. Why does this caregiver hold firm?

This tale of duty versus workplace demands unfolds in a tense office, where personal boundaries collide with team expectations. It’s a relatable struggle—balancing family and work—inviting us to question: where do you draw the line?

‘AITA for refusing to work overtime resulting in other people having to do so?’

Hello, I am new to reddit but I have read a lot of articles on facebook from this site and thought it the best place to ask. 4 years ago my brother-in-law died, leaving my sister with a daughter and an autistic son. After his death she was convinced that she would shortly follow him so she made arrangements for me to be her kids' guardian.

Then 2 years ago she died. Since my autistic nephew needs a lot of attention I quit my job and started looking for a new one that would suit my schedule. I accepted a job with a lower salary (my sister left me her paid off house and half her life insurance while the kids got trusts from the other half and their father's policy) with the stipulation that I will have a set schedule,

get all the weekends and holidays off no matter what happens and absolutely no OT. The reason I did that is because my nephew needs a set schedule or he has meltdowns, and most of my weekends are dedicated to my niece. About 6 months ago a new mom joined the team,

and since the beginning she hated the fact that I leave the office at 5 on the dot and am never called outside of office hours. She used to complain loudly to people where I could hear but I never engaged. Then yesterday we had a meeting and when we were leaving she confronted me, saying that I wasn't the only one with kids,

that my refusal to pull my weight means that she is missing on time with her baby and that I am a horrible person who will raise entitled kids...etc. I didn't respond and just sent her an email and cc'd HR and told her all further complaints about my schedule should be directed to them.

I guess she was pulled aside and got a talking to, and even though I didn't want anyone to know about my private affairs I guess the HR person spilled the beans. And then she confronted me again in the break room in front of everyone saying that I should have told her that I specifically negotiated to have fixed hours to take care of my autistic kid instead of making her look bad.

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I just left before I did something that would have cost me my job. But after cooling down I feel a bit guilty. Should I have accepted to work some OT from home after the kids go to bed? Is it really unfair to my coworkers that I don't even work OT when we have an emergency at work?

This guardian’s story is a classic case of workplace boundaries colliding with personal priorities. Balancing family and work is a universal struggle, but for caregivers of children with autism, structure is non-negotiable. The coworker’s public outbursts reflect a lack of understanding, but also highlight a broader issue: workplace policies often fail to accommodate diverse employee needs.

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Dr. Erin Austen, an expert in workplace psychology, notes, “Clear boundaries are essential for mental health, especially for caregivers. Employers must foster environments where negotiated agreements are respected” . Here, the guardian’s contract was clear—no overtime—and the company agreed. The coworker’s frustration, while relatable, misdirects blame onto an individual rather than systemic issues like understaffing.

This situation underscores a larger societal challenge: 1 in 5 employees report feeling pressured to work overtime . The guardian’s refusal protects their nephew’s stability, but the coworker’s struggle as a new mom is valid too. Companies could address this by hiring additional staff or offering flexible schedules.

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For the guardian, sticking to their agreement is key. Taking on overtime, even from home, risks eroding their contract’s terms, as Dr. Austen suggests: “Once boundaries are breached, they’re harder to reinforce.” Instead, open communication with HR about workload distribution could ease tensions.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, dishing out candid and witty takes on this workplace saga. Here’s what they had to say:

del901 − NTA. 1. You negotiated a contract. The company accepted your terms. 2. If you start accepting OT, you'll invalidate those conditions and from there, it is a slippery slope to them demanding more and more from you. 3. She should not have called you out in public.

You reacted appropriately by responding via email and involving HR (who, by the way, violated your privacy) 4. She should not have called out out in public the 2nd time and I think this warrants another email to HR. BTW, she made herself look bad, not you.

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mypreciousssssssss − She made herself look bad by behaving childishly and unprofessionally. She's not your supervisor and is not entitled to your personal information. It sounds like you handled it perfectly. Though I'd have a word with HR for releasing info you didn't want released. NTA

th_tbreaker − NTA at all. She isn't entitled to an explanation at all, actually. She's not your boss and she shouldn't be clocking YOUR hours. She has no right to harass you about your schedule. I would've been much nastier with my responses to her, and you're a saint for merely reporting her to HR.. Edit : you didn't make her look bad, she made herself look bad

Nik7cole − NTA your co worker is just jealous because she never thought to negotiate her schedule like you. Never feel guilty for doing what's best for your family. If you want to do OT after the kids go to sleep is entirely up to you. But make sure if you do it its because you want to an not feel guilted into doing it. Hope all is well with you and the kids.

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NYCQuilts − NTA. Don’t volunteer to do overtime because that’s a slippery slope. She brought the embarrassment on herself by challenging your work conditions in public without knowing the back story. Shame on her. Shame on HR. Sorry for your loss.

Danielmp006 − NTA. Let me also credit you with how you handled that situation and everything you have had to handle up to this point, it was perfect. This post makes me think your parents raised fantastic children. Kudos.

tatasz − NTA. If anything, company is supposed to pay for overtime.. As its not slavery, other team members are free to accept or refuse based on their convenience.. And if people dont want to, company can hire more people. If the company doesn't pay for overtime and team has no choice on doing the extra work, then you would be TA for not reporting the hell out of it. Else, NTA.

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Lola_M1224 − NTA and I would email her again and cc HR and request that she not confront you about your schedule in the break room. She needs to be shut down.

No-Policy-4095 − NTA you're sticking to your negotiated contract and really the way you handled it seems fine. Shame on that HR person for sharing personal details, but boo hoo that she was embarrassed publicly....she did it to herself. It's unfortunate that the company has not found other ways to make sure that people don't have to do OT, but that's not your problem.

It's unfortunate that the new mom either chose not to negotiate hours the way you did or wasn't able to do so. But again, that's not your problem. In many cases, if you choose to step out of the negotiated terms it will be considered a newly negotiated terms and the previous agreement will be voided.

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ohsogreen − NTA in any way. Your kids come first. If the company has need for more work hours they can offer OT to those who want it or hire more people: full- or part-time, on a contract basis, there are lots of options. They hired you with your stipulations in place and seem content with the arrangement.

Anyone who starts mouthing off because of someone else's situation without knowing the details (which, I stress, they have no right to know) gets what they deserve. I assume she knew OT would be part of her deal when she took the job. You are doing a beautiful thing. So sorry for the loss of your sister and BIL and hugs to your kids. They are so lucky to have you.

These hot takes from Reddit pack a punch, but do they capture the full picture? Is the coworker’s frustration justified, or is she out of line?

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This tale of family duty versus workplace expectations leaves us with more questions than answers. The guardian’s choice to prioritize their nephew’s needs over overtime is a testament to love, but it stirs up workplace friction. Where do you stand on balancing personal responsibilities with team demands? Have you ever faced pushback for setting boundaries at work? Share your stories—what would you do in this guardian’s shoes?

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