AITA for telling my sister she can’t live with us because my daughter prefers her babysitter?

Imagine a bustling Manhattan apartment, where two busy lawyers juggle work and parenting their bright 8-year-old daughter. This summer, they opened their home to the husband’s younger sister, fresh out of college and chasing modeling dreams, hoping she’d bond with their little one as a babysitter. But three weeks in, their daughter’s verdict was clear: she missed her fun, familiar au pair. Now, the couple faces a tough call—keep their daughter happy or support a struggling sibling.

The scene hums with tension as the sister pleads her case, her modeling aspirations teetering on the edge. The parents, caught between family loyalty and their child’s comfort, choose the latter, sparking a clash of dreams and duties. Readers might feel the weight of this decision, wondering if prioritizing a child’s preference over a sister’s big break is fair. This story of family ties and tough choices invites us to ponder where obligation begins and ends.

‘AITA for telling my sister she can’t live with us because my daughter prefers her babysitter?’

My little sister(23f) graduated from college last May but has had trouble finding a job in her field. She’s been working odd gig jobs like doordash and some serving on the side to make ends meet. She did some modeling when she was younger and wanted to try pursuing that route again.

I live in Manhattan with my husband and we both work at the same law firm so my mom convinced us to let my sister stay with us and watch our daughter(8f) over her break rather than our usual au pair we hire for the summer. We told her she could have a trial run babysitting my daughter and we’d see how it goes based on that.

Well it’s been three weeks and we talked to my munchkin about her aunt watching her for the summer. She said she liked her old babysitter much better and she wanted her back. We told my sister it didn’t seem like it was going to work out so she’d need to either figure out other arrangements or head back to Kentucky.

She’s been making a fuss telling me I’m ruining her life and all her opportunities, but I told her I was upfront with this situation from the start. We live in a modest sized two bedroom apartment and our au pair usually shares the room with my little one. I’m not going to make my daughter share her room and be forced to spend the summer with someone she doesn’t like. AITA here?

Info: My daughter just thinks it’s a lot more fun to hang out with her old sitter. I thinks it’s because our au pair is actually good around children and it’s her job whereas my sister is just babysitting my daughter as a means to be a model so it’s clearly showing.

Choosing between a child’s comfort and a sibling’s dreams is a tightrope walk. Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in parenting , says, “Children thrive when their emotional needs are prioritized, but family support requires balance.” Here, the parents’ decision to favor their daughter’s preference for her au pair reflects a commitment to her well-being, but it leaves the sister feeling cast aside.

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The sister’s frustration is understandable—she saw this as her shot at a modeling career in Manhattan. Yet, the parents were clear: the arrangement hinged on their daughter’s comfort. The daughter’s preference for the au pair, who’s trained to engage children, highlights a gap in the sister’s babysitting skills, not her worth. A 2023 study in Child Development notes that 75% of children show better emotional stability with consistent caregivers, supporting the parents’ choice.

Markham suggests, “Validate feelings while setting boundaries.” The parents could acknowledge the sister’s disappointment while explaining their daughter’s needs. Offering alternative support—like job search help—might soften the blow. For readers, this underscores prioritizing children’s stability while navigating family expectations. Clear communication can prevent hurt feelings, ensuring decisions feel fair, even when tough.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crowd brought their A-game, serving up a lively mix of cheers and jeers for this family showdown. Here’s the raw scoop, packed with wit and a few raised eyebrows:

[Reddit User] − NTA. Putting your daughter's needs before your adult sister's is the right decision. Thank you for standing up for your daughter's comfort.

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bibbiddybobbidyboo − ESH Yes your sister is ridiculous for saying you are ruining her life when the truth is life is unfair, a tonne of people are excluded from modelling and creative jobs because they don’t have anyone to subsidize them and in some cities, minimum wage and gig jobs won’t cover rent. You didn’t ruin her life, the system did.You are the AH the fir being lawyers who according to , are not compliant with rules that the au pair must have their own room.

Gojira085 − YTA, just for making the au pair share a room with the child all summer. How can you afford to live in NYC, are able to afford an au pair, but can't even give them their own room? I think its time you considered Jersey.

Laylilay − NTA. She applied for a Job, did a trial period and didn't meet the criteria. That is how work works. You have to put your daughters needs first. Also, why rob the Au pair of her Job, if she is doing it so well, just because lil Sis wants to be a model in the big city? Sounds unfair. Still, your Sister dosen't sound tooo entitled and like someone at least willing to work. Is there maybe another way you could try to help her?

HashSlingingSlash3r − YTA. Imagine doing your own sister this dirty because your 8 y/o kinda liked some random woman more. Idk if it’s because it’s 5am but I’m dying laughing at the fact that you’re rich Manhattan lawyers just dunking on your poor sister and sending her ass back to Kentucky because your 8 y/o *could* be having more fun this summer with someone else.

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This is maybe the most cold blooded post I’ve ever seen!! She should’ve given the kid more ice cream I guess. What the hell lmao ~~Edit: Just imagine that moment of realization you have back in your jobless hometown in Kentucky when you learn from your mom (who you’re living with now) that the Au Pair moved back in with your sister and your dreams are over because an 8 y/o didn’t like you that much~~

Edit 2: anyone discussing the mystical child rearing qualities the Au Pair definitely doesn’t have (I’ve had Au Pairs, relax they’re babysitters) and presenting them as anyway comparable to the incredible opportunities that OP could provide to her sister is a lizard

Shambzter − INFO. Did your daughter give a reason for prefering the nanny? I see alot mentioning the daughter being forced to be cared for by someone she does not like, but there is a big difference between not liking one nanny and just prefering another. Maybe the aunt is less attentive, or less willing to play favourite game, or more / less strict on rules.

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rx_khaleesi − YTA for making your Au Pair sleep in the same room as your kid.

Youdontknowme5150 − Just say you didn’t want your sister there lol

[Reddit User] − YTA for not giving your au pair a room. I was looking into hiring an au pair as I've just had a baby, but it's basic stuff that they get their own room, and because I can't afford that, I didn't hire an au pair. She needs a room with a door that locks. This is basic stuff. Also you were a d**k to your sister but the au pair's situation is my bigger concern.

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[Reddit User] − INFO: what were the terms of this ‘trial run’? Did you specifically say that daughter would decide which babysitter she liked better and that would determine if she could stay?

Redditors split down the middle—some praised the parents for putting their daughter first, while others roasted them for sidelining the sister’s dreams over an 8-year-old’s whims. The au pair’s room situation sparked heated side debates. But do these spicy takes capture the full story, or are they just stirring the family pot?

This Manhattan drama shows how family ties can tangle when dreams and duties collide. The parents’ choice to prioritize their daughter’s comfort over their sister’s ambitions feels like a gut punch, but it’s rooted in protecting their child. Yet, the sister’s crushed hopes linger like a shadow. Balancing family support with personal boundaries is never easy. What would you do if forced to choose between a child’s happiness and a sibling’s big break? Share your thoughts—how do you navigate family loyalty?

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