AITA for telling my sister that just because she recently became a foster parent does not mean she is a super mom?

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In the warm chaos of a family home, a twin sister’s newfound role as a foster mom spirals into conflict. After welcoming a 10-year-old boy into her care, the 26-year-old imposes strict parenting rules—silencing laughter, limiting screen time, and even disciplining her niece over a cherished heirloom doll.

When her actions leave her 7-year-old niece in tears, her twin, a mother herself, erupts, banning her sister until she respects boundaries. The foster mom calls her insensitive, barring her from her “nephew” until an apology comes. Was the outburst a needed stand for her daughter, or a harsh jab at a well-meaning novice? This raw tale of clashing parenting styles pulls readers into a tense family rift.

‘AITA for telling my sister that just because she recently became a foster parent does not mean she is a super mom?’

So, I'm 26f and I have an 7yo daughter. My sister (my twin) has chosen to never have her own kids and to be a foster mom. She was approved for this going on a month and a half ago and as of 3 1/2 weeks later, she was chosen to foster a 10yo, sweetheart of a boy. She has only had him for around 2 weeks.

I have always been supportive of this decision. Now my issue is that since she has had this boy in her care, she has become over bearing. Mommy mode kicked in full force, which is great but she is now overstepping everyone else with their own children.

For instance, she recently read a book that stated children ages 10 and under should have no more than 30 minutes of screen time a day, as it stunts mental growth. So now everytime she is over she will flip off my tv (which I use for music, as my daughter doesnt really watch tv).

Or she read somewhere that if you even so much as speak loudly (even while laughing) it triggers kids minds and causes upset. So now, whenever she is at any of our homes she instantly slaps her hand over our mouths if we are too loud because she doesnt want to upset the boy.

The final straw was her coming over yesterday and saying she needed to talk to my daughter alone. When my daughter came back in she was crying. I asked my daughter what was going on and she said 'Auntie told me that I'm not being nice because I wouldnt let Christopher touch my special doll and that I made him upset because he doesnt have anything special so I need to share.

She said I need to let Christopher play with it'. Her 'special doll' is kept on her shelf and not even touched by her, as her deceased grandfather gave it to her. Its a collectable. My sister was sitting there with a smile on her face and said 'See? All taken care of.'

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And then proceeded to walk to my daughters room to grab the doll. I lost my s**t. I told her to leave and that just because she has been a 'mom' for 2 weeks does not make her a super mom and that her actions are making it harder to deal with her. I told her that once she learned to act like an adult

and stop forcing all of us to follow her pathetic rules she would be allowed back but not a moment before. I also told her that the doll is staying on the shelf and I dont give a damn who that offends.. She is saying I'm an insensitive AH and will not be allowed around 'my nephew' until I apologize.

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This parenting clash is a storm of zeal meeting boundaries. The OP’s sister, a new foster mom, dives into her role with fervor, but her actions—silencing family, turning off TVs, and disciplining her niece—cross into control. Making a child cry over a sentimental doll, especially without parental consent, breaches trust.

Foster parents face unique pressures, but, as child psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy notes, “Respecting others’ parenting autonomy builds healthy family dynamics.” The sister’s rules, drawn from books, ignore context, like the doll’s emotional weight. Her physical interventions, like covering mouths, signal deeper boundary issues. This reflects broader challenges: new parents, especially in foster care, may overcompensate, straining relationships.

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The OP’s outburst, while heated, defended her daughter’s autonomy. A calm follow-up discussion could reset boundaries, perhaps with a family therapist. If overreach persists, limited contact protects the OP’s family.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s takes are as fiery as a family spat over parenting! Here’s what the community had to say:

[Reddit User] − NTA. She is going too far. You set the boundaries. Even if she is a foster parent, it doesn't allow her to do whatever she would like to in your house or anywhere else.

soonergirrl − NTA. Yeah you could have been nicer about it, but there are so many things wrong here. 1) You don't put hands on someone. I'd have slapped her hand off my mouth and kicked her ass out when she tried to get me to quiet down. 2) Just because YOU believe a thing you've read doesn't give you the right to inflict it upon others.

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You should have walked right over and turned your TV back on. 3) Your child does not have to share anything they don't want to. Especially an heirloom. The fact that your own child doesn't play with it means no other child should either.. Your sister has issues with boundaries and it sounds like you're doing a good job trying to enforce them.

asmallman − What is that sound?. Oh. Its a helicopter!. Wait no. Its a helicopter parent complaining/being annoying. NTA. Her foster son sounds miserable. (As in he is going to feel miserable, because apparently I am attacking a kid I guess?)

[Reddit User] − NTA. Boy the stones on her. She isn’t even being super mom. She’s being one of those horrid, d**adful women who think by reading all baby books they know everything & are the ultimate parent & no one else knows any better.

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The fact she thinks it’s her place to come into your house & tell your daughter that she *has* to let Christopher have full access to any of her toys is completely wrong, rude, disrespectful, s**tty, the list goes on. You don’t read those books & instantly know how to be a mom, you learn to be a mother by being a mother.

You learn as you go & I understand she’s excited but straight up, she’s being a Huge Gaping AH. She owes you, your daughter & anyone else she’s smugly slighted a huge apology & she needs to teach her first child boundaries. You don’t get everything you want because you go cry to your mom, some things are off limits, some toys aren’t meant to be played with, some times you just get told no.

gemma545 − NTA and not her house. She needs to keep her opinions to herself. Having a smile on her face after making her niece cry? Something is wrong with her

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Embarrassed-Bridge-8 − I'm gonna have to say NTA because she had absolutely no right to 'discipline' your 7 year old. And putting her hands on other people's faces...not ok. She's overstepping boundaries. I think you were right to stick up for your daughter, and yes you snapped at her, but I'd have snapped at her too!

WebbieVanderquack − NTA. I lol'ed at the 'speaking loudly' thing. Does she know how loud kids themselves are? Your sister's being pretty insufferable. She shouldn't have disciplined your daughter without discussing the issue with you first,

and she can't just walk into your house and turn off your TV. That said, I do think you could have addressed it more calmly, and putting 'mom' in quote marks worries me. She's doing a good thing. She's making mistakes, but she's doing a good thing.

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HowardProject − NTA and this should have been stopped as soon as her hand touched someone's mouth. This is incredibly unhealthy behavior for a foster parent, and *having been one myself* I would not hesitate to call and speak with the worker who assigned the child to her home.

These type of people do find their way into foster care and they do almost as much harm to the children as the parents did in the first place.. If you have any way of getting in touch with the agency, you should do so.

Ma_Ma_Ma_My_Sharona − NTA in my opinion. She is crossing a lot of lines nobody should cross.

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inarose010501 − NTA. You sister is totally out of line. People parent different and different kids need different types of parenting. Also, she is still in the honeymoon period. I have a number of friends who foster and that is what they call the first few weeks. Then the kids start being normal kids and trying to push boundaries and stuff.

Those parenting books will seem a lot less applicable then. Also, she has NO right to parent your child. It’s okay for your daughter to have healthy boundaries, and good for you for defending them. Would it maybe have been better to have a calm conversation when there wasn’t a big emotional event going on, probably.

But I probably would have lost it too. We don’t always say things in the “ideal” situation. I would say, give it few weeks for heads to cool and then try to sit down and talk about it. Also, I think becoming a parent changes things. I have people who I am no longer friends with because I can’t stand how they parent. But I also don’t shake them for it

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These opinions blaze, but do they light a path or just fan the drama?

This foster mom feud leaves us pondering: was the OP wrong for calling out her sister’s overbearing rules, or was her stand a fair defense of her daughter? Parenting styles and family boundaries tangle like knotted threads. What would you do if a relative tried to parent your child? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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