AITA my dad reprimanded me for spending Mother’s Day with just my husband and my daughter?

A text meant to celebrate Mother’s Day landed like a gut punch for a young mom, sparking tears instead of joy. At 26, she planned a quiet day with her husband and daughter, only to face her father’s scolding for not driving 75 minutes to honor her mother, who’s soon moving 1,300 miles away. His words, cloaked in love but dripping with guilt, reignited a lifetime of feeling controlled by parental expectations.

This Reddit tale, raw with emotion, pulls us into a clash of family duty and personal freedom. The woman’s stand to prioritize her new family over her parents’ demands paints a vivid picture of a mother breaking free from old patterns. With a mix of heartbreak and defiance, it’s a story that hooks readers, inviting us to explore the balance of honoring parents while claiming your own life.

‘AITA my dad reprimanded me for spending Mother’s Day with just my husband and my daughter?’

I (26f) always sought approval from my parents when I was growing up. If I wasn’t living up to their standards, I was made to feel like I was absolute dogs**t. My husband (28m) and I got married in the beginning of 2023. We had our daughter just over a year later in 2024.

My parents are moving 1300 miles away at some point this year, some point soon as their house is already on the market. We bought our home last year after strongly considering their advice to stay here since we have family here thus would have “help” instead of moving to another state we would MUCH prefer to live in and being alone.

Not blaming them, we are adults and bought a home that suited us for now but I’m just saying a huge factor of us staying in this state is that my parents live about an hour away as do my in-laws. All of this is relevant for context because today is Mother’s Day, likely the last one that my parents will be within driving distance of us.

I called my mom this morning to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day. She asked me what my plans are today and I said absolutely nothing but spending quality time with my husband and my daughter (we do have a contractor coming to our house to prepare a quote for some work we need to get done, which I told her).

About twenty minutes later, I get the following text from my dad: “You weren’t raised the way you have been behaving. You only have one mother, you’re 75 minutes away, not half way around the world. 🌎 a phone call on one day of the year? It’s Mother’s Day!!!! I love you very much.

Have a wonderful day. Will say no more about it. You’re adult, wife, mother, daughter, etc.” I’ll be honest, the first thing that went through my mind to say was “f**k you”. Nothing like sending a reprimanding text to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. Then I just started crying because this is the same thing they always do.

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They don’t prefer a choice I made about my own life so now they want to guilt me into doing what they want me to do. They did this when we told them we wanted to move across the country to another state. They have done this throughout my entire life. Well, I’m at the point where I don’t want to be manipulated anymore.

My life does not revolve around them. I have my own little family who I have a duty and obligation to. Nobody is entitled to my time except for my husband and my daughter. I don’t believe that parents have the same rights to their kids as kids have to their parents.

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Said differently, my daughter owes me absolutely nothing but I owe her everything. In contrast, my MIL texted me this morning: “Happy Mother’s Day! Do you want our help today?” You know, offering to babysit for us so I could spend some alone time with my husband if I wanted to.

There is a stark contrast here which is why I think maybe I’m not the a**hole. I don’t know how to respond so I haven’t. A part of me wants to be a smarta** and just screenshot the search results for “grandparents day” and send solely the screenshot in response.

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Update: I addressed this with my mom directly. I told her I was sorry if she was upset by my choice, but I’m not going to accept the guilt trip for choosing to spend Mother’s Day with my husband and my daughter. I told her I AM an adult, and I am GOING to make my own decisions, and that’s that.

I’m not going to be criticized about not prioritizing my mother by someone who doesn’t even talk to his. She said she asked him not to send that text (he cannot be told no, and even if he is, he’s just going to do whatever he wants anyway). Thank you all for the outpouring of support.

I really needed the reassurance to know that I’m not the AH. I’ll address this at some point with my stepdad but I don’t see that happening any time soon first because he cannot be convinced that he is wrong, ever, and second because I just don’t want to deal with it. I’d rather just bide my time until they’ve moved.

Family expectations can cast long shadows, and this young mother’s story highlights the pain of parental guilt-tripping. Her father’s text, reprimanding her for not visiting on Mother’s Day, reflects a pattern of control that clashes with her role as a new mother and adult. Her choice to stay home with her husband and daughter prioritizes her nuclear family, a healthy boundary given her history of seeking parental approval.

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Guilt-tripping is a common dynamic. A 2023 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 45% of young adults report parental pressure to conform to family traditions, often straining relationships. The father’s focus on his wife’s role as “one mother” dismisses the daughter’s own motherhood, while her mother-in-law’s supportive offer underscores a healthier dynamic.

Psychologist Dr. Susan Forward notes, “Guilt-tripping parents often struggle to see their children as autonomous adults”. Here, the father’s text aims to manipulate rather than communicate. The mother’s direct response to her mom was a strong step toward breaking this cycle.

For resolution, she could maintain her boundary by calmly reinforcing her stance with her father when ready, perhaps suggesting alternative visits. Low contact may ease tensions post-move.

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Check out how the community responded:

Reddit users rallied with fiery support and witty jabs, dishing out takes on this Mother’s Day drama like a lively family debate. Here’s a taste of the community’s bold reactions:

Sandpiper_crescent − NTA - how about “Gee dad, I love you too, and I AM an adult, with a daughter so I am being celebrated today by my little family. If you and mom want to make plans with us on any particular day, let us know xo”

FormSuccessful1122 − NTA My family is like this. It’s all about MY mom. The rest of us as mothers are like some afterthought. We’re all supposed to give up our day to make sure hers is special.

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diminishingpatience − NTA. Try not to be upset - that's exactly what she wants. The best way to get back at her is to break the cycle: be a good mother and have a great relationship with your child.

ProfessionalField508 − NTA I have a rule that I go by for Mother's Day: new mothers always take precedence. If you can celebrate everyone happily, that's fine, but otherwise, what the new mom wants is what should happen.

I could see an exception being made for a mother who may not be around to see her next Mother's Day, but for the most part, celebrate the new moms.. It sounds like your life might be easier once they move away.

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monkeybyz − NTA. The mom who is ACTIVELY mothering gets the day! I’m 66 years old and one of my adult children sent a card & flowers. I got a nice video message from the other. Both were appreciated.. My daughter is spending the day with her hubby and 2 young daughters.

My son and DIL are celebrating with their 4 kids. I got pics of them making her breakfast this morning. I drove the 17 year old to buy his mom flowers last night, at his request. They are the ACTIVE generation of mothers. No longer should be kids dragged to the grandparents house and all over today.

I did that when my kids were small and never had my OWN day. I vowed it would be difference when my kids became parents. It is. Don’t respond. They know where you live. Your MIL has the right idea. She’s awesome! Enjoy a guilt free day with your hubby and little girl. Life is short.

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Oy_with_the_poodles_ − NTA. They could just as easily planned to come see you on Mother’s Day. Nothing needs to be said. I hope you’re happier when they move. Enjoy your day, OP.

VariationOwn2131 − Yeah…It’s perfectly fine for them to move 1300 miles away, but God forbid if you made the same choice. It is hard to not have family around. I did it though and mostly had relationships with my kids’ aunts and uncles due to deaths of 3 of 4 grandparents and 1 who chose not to be involved.

I told my own adult children to live where they want to raise a family and have opportunities for themselves. One is 20 minutes away; the other is halfway across the country. I can be a hands-on grandma to one,

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but when the other one has children, I will visit when I can and when it’s convenient for them. Your parents are still trying to treat you like a naughty child. You are an adult with your own goals and desires, so don’t spend too much time ruminating over negative comments

and let them ruin your day. If you can preserve the positive relationship with your in-laws and your child, that would be great, but it sounds like your parents want you to make all the effort and kowtow to your mom.

Master_Post4665 − NTA. My mother was the same way for years. A few years back, I flew home to visit her on Mother’s Day. I have 4 grown children of my own who have children. During dinner with my mom, dad, and aunts, I received a some texts from my daughters who live abroad.

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I was reading them whem my mother sighed and said, “See? Even on Mother’s Day, she’s just on her phone, not really paying attention to me.” My reply was, “ I’m a mother too, in case you forgot. And since I don’t get to see any of my kids so that I can be here with you,

you can damn sure bet I’m going to read their texts and answer their phone calls.” The table went silent. The next year, I stayed home and was visited by two of my children and their kids. Called my mom and sent her flowers. Didn’t hear a word from her.

Obvious-Diver-4086 − Nta. It's a blessing they are moving. 

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biochemistrybitch − This is what you text back “You are so right dad. Your text showed me what is important. I am an adult, wife and mother now. My priority is my daughter. I am going to spend the day making the one who made me a mom feel special and loved. Let me know when your house sells.”

Nothing like sending the same thinly veiled f**k you back to him the same way he said it to you. I doubt he will see where he screwed up tho. You’re a good mom. Sometimes going low/no contact is the only choice when you have an abusive family. Focus on your family now.

These Reddit opinions sizzle, but do they overlook the parents’ perspective? Are they manipulative, or just clinging to tradition?

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This Mother’s Day saga weaves a tale of a young woman’s stand against the weight of parental guilt, choosing her family’s joy over obligation. Her defiance of her father’s reprimand, backed by her resolve to live on her terms, sparks a question: how do you honor family ties while guarding your own path? Share your thoughts—what would you do if your parents guilt-tripped you over a day meant for you?

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