WIBTA if I cut my “child-free” kids out of my will?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A cozy family dinner, laughter echoing, and then—bam!—a will sparks a firestorm. A parent in their mid-60s, who clawed their way from poverty to a $10M estate, faces a dilemma that’s tearing their heartstrings. With seven adult children, three proudly “child-free” and four raising families, they’re wrestling with a tough call: should their hard-earned wealth go only to the kids with kids? The tension’s thicker than a holiday fruitcake, and the Reddit community’s buzzing with opinions, leaving readers wondering where fairness lands in this family saga.

This story unfolds in a world of tough choices, where love for grandkids clashes with fairness to all children. The parent’s desire to support the next generation is heartfelt, but their plan to nearly disinherit the child-free trio has sparked heated debate. Can they balance their legacy without fracturing family ties? Let’s dive into their story and see what’s at stake.

‘WIBTA if I cut my “child-free” kids out of my will?’

 I am in my mid 60's and have 7 kids (all adults, 4 daughters 3 sons). I grew up in a very poor family and have worked incredibly hard my entire life to provide for my family. Working 50+ hours a week and investing every spare dollar into blue chips. As a result, my entire estate is worth well over $10M. Now, to the topic of my post.

Three of my kids are proud 'child-free' adults. Not only do they not want kids, they actively celebrate it (I believe there's even a Reddit dedicated for it...). Now, if they don't want to experience the joys of being parents, that's for them to decide. I'm not going to coerce them into having kids they don't want.

With that said, I provided all my kids an immensely comfortable childhood, I've put them all through college, I basically gave them the best chance to starting out in life. Now that they're all grown up, I want to help raise the next generation of grandkids and provide for them as much as possible.. So the situation is:

1. I have three kids who are proud 'child-free' and genuinely boast about how much extra money they have. 2. I have four kids who have started raising families - intending to have more kids - and will actually need the money. I don't want to leave a large sum of my hard earned money to my kids who will simply spend it all on their 'child-free' life.

I only want it to go to my kids who are actually raising a family. So I want to cut the three out of my will almost entirely (leaving a small amount to help with their mortgages). I already anticipate they're going to throw a hissy-fit, so I'm not sure if I should go through with it.. Would I be an 'a**hole' for doing this?

Edit: Fixed typos. Also, my child-free kids are 31, 33, 36 years old. I've waited a fair few years to see if any of them grow out of this. Edit: Consensus is definitely I’m an a**hole it seems. After reading the suggestions I’ve decided to. 1. Give each of my kids around 500K to go towards their mortgages/debt.

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2. Use 5-6M to set up trusts to provide for any grandkids / great grandkids. I’m not sure how trusts work so I'll definitely consult a lawyer about this. 3. Leave the remainder (approx 6-7M) to charities that help kids in China with schooling and healthcare.

I’m not Chinese (I’m white) but I’ve always enjoyed visiting China and have a special respect for their country and culture. I was already planning on doing this but didn’t want to include it in the original post as it might have skewed your opinions away from a**hole.

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Deciding who gets a slice of a $10M pie is no small feat. Family dynamics expert Dr. John Gottman notes, “Fairness in families isn’t just about money—it’s about perceived respect and value” . This parent’s plan to favor kids with families risks sending a message that child-free choices are less worthy, potentially igniting resentment.

The parent’s instinct to support grandkids is noble, but their approach—nearly cutting out three kids—stirs tension. The child-free trio, aged 31 to 36, boast financial freedom, while the others juggle family costs. Yet, as Gottman suggests, unequal treatment can fracture sibling bonds. A 2021 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that perceived parental favoritism increases sibling rivalry, with 68% of adult children reporting strained relationships when inheritances feel unfair .

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Broadening the lens, this touches on societal views of “child-free” versus “family-oriented” choices. The parent’s bias reflects a cultural tilt toward traditional family structures, but child-free adults contribute differently—perhaps through charity or supporting siblings’ kids. Dr. Gottman’s advice to prioritize emotional equity suggests a solution: split the estate equally among kids, with a trust for grandkids’ education. This respects all choices while easing financial burdens, fostering unity without judgment.

The parent’s revised plan—$500K per child, trusts for grandkids, and charity donations—shows they’re listening. Consulting a lawyer to set up trusts ensures funds reach the next generation, aligning with their values while softening family fallout.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade. The community’s takes are raw, candid, and occasionally hilarious, like a family reunion with too much wine. Here’s what they had to say:

delboy6666 − YTA while your money is yours to dispose of as you see fit, this plan will set off a nuclear bomb in your family once the will is read. There will be jealousies between winners and losers.

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Is this what you want to leave behind as your legacy? As an alternative you could allocate some $ to each child and some to each grandchild, accomplishing to some extent what you want to achieve and keep all your children equal.

PoopDoopTrixie − YTA.. We always hope for the best. Life will often deal us the worst. You know who is likely for care for your 3xisting and known grandkids IF their parents die or are incapacitated??. YOUR CHILD-FREE CHILDREN. They will more likely than not be the ones to step in and help out..

Dividing your estate equally among your children will facilitate them ALL working together in a tough time. Parceling it out between 'child-free' and 'parents of your grandbabies' is cruel and will no doubt sow the seeds of unrest among NEARLY HALF of your kids.

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What would be more RESPONSIBLE (emotionally and otherwise) might be to divide 70% of your estate equally between all of your kids. Take the other 30% and put this into a trust account for ALL of your grandbabies (currently alive, and FUTURE grandkids) for their SPECIFIC needs of college education expenses and maybe $XX.00 a year for birthdays and holidays..

This way, everyone is happy between each other, without feeling screwed by not having kids. Who knows? Your currently child free kids might marry someone with children. Maybe they end up having kids after you die. The trust levels the playing field. The ones with kids get a little extra, as you intended.

The ones without kids (at the moment) won't be left out AND if they have their own little ones, they too will benefit. By the time all the grandkids get through college, there will likely be enough left over (the power of compound interest) for the next generation... which is what you want.. Without being an a**hole.

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amb123abc − YTA. You are free to do what you want with your money. But your attitude about your child free kids is toolish. Not everyone wants kids. It’s not a reflection on you or your parenting.

EllaBellaModella − YTA. You’re asking people to respect your choices when you don’t respect theirs. You are clearly not happy that some of your kids don’t want children and it’s reading as your punishing them for not following the script that you want. Just like your children who have made the choice not to have kids, your children who have kids also have made a choice.

Part of that choice to have kids should be based on them having the finances to raise them/educate them etc. If your children who had kids have decided to have kids, expecting that granddad will cover their bills, that’s a much poorer choice than not having kids. (Note - I’m not saying that any of the children have made the assumption that your money will support them.)

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But also what if? What if one of the parents decides to splurge the money on an extravagant trip for themselves or a gambling habit, meanwhile one of your child free children develops a serious illness? Would you be happy with how your money was allocated then?

What if one of the child free children used your money to fund charity donations or to support their nieces and nephews? Choosing to be child free is not any more selfish than choosing to have kids. And as others have said, knowing that Dad didn’t value them compared to raining money on their siblings will drive a probably permanent wedge between your children.

Realistically, it’s your money and it’s yours to deal with how you want, but if you want to make sure the money goes to your grandchildren will it to them (and any futures ones - if that’s possible) don’t be mean to your children.

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saraloverock − YTA you’re basically saying you value 3 of your kids less than the others, just because of life choices they made. If my parents did that I’d be incredibly hurt.

AllarysDanyaela − YTA. It's blatant favoritism. I don't care what you call it but you're gonna have a bad time if you try to explain it to your offspring like you did here. It's an a**hole move to cut someone out your will when they haven't done anything wrong to you.. P.S. Childfree people can be poor too.

allthecats11235 − YTA. It's your money, and ultimately you can do what you want with it. I came to my conclusion because of your rationale. Unless you've had to bail your child-free children out of multiple bad situations, I ould guess that you have probably already spent more money on your children with their own kids.

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Cutting the three child-free kids 'almost entirely' out of your will has the likelihood of causing a serious rift between your children, and punishes the ones who have a lifestyle you deem less than. Possible solution: split money equally between kids, then leave each grandchild an amount in an account that they can't touch until adulthood.

[Reddit User] − YTA. Don't play favorites with your kids. Don't punish your children who chose to not have kids and make them feel worth less TO YOU than their siblings.. It's a s**tty, n**ty move and will break relationships between them long after you're dead.

brandyto − YTA. Completely cutting 3 of 7 children out of your will will certainly create discord amongst your children. While you are free to distribute your assets as you see fit, have you considered how this may irreparably fracture your family after your passing?

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There’s a great deal of room between leaving 3 of your children nothing and providing for your grandchildren. The “scorched earth” option you are favoring is guaranteed to cause anger, resentment and hard feelings.

MultiFazed − This is a tough one, but I'm going with YTA. Of course, you can do whatever you want with your money. But this is going to come across as you valuing some of your kids more than others, and if they find out, it could irreparably damage your relationship with your children. Not just the child-free ones, either.

I don't know your family, but if I found out that my parents were treating me and my siblings differently because of whether or not we had kids, I'd be pissed off no matter *which* side of the divide I were to fall on. If your intent is on helping support your grandchildren, then don't leave anything to **any** of your children (or only leave a small, *equal* amount to help with mortgagees),

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and instead will it to your grandchildren (to pay for their college tuition, for instance). That will lighten the financial burden on your children who have kids of their own (no need to save for their kids' college), while not being a direct middle finger to your child-free kids.

These Redditors tore into the parent’s plan, calling it favoritism that could torch family ties. Some urged equal splits, others suggested trusts for grandkids. But do these fiery opinions capture the full picture, or are they just stoking the drama?

This parent’s dilemma highlights the messy intersection of money, family, and personal choices. Their heart’s set on grandkids, but fairness hangs in the balance. By tweaking their plan, they’re aiming for peace, but will it hold? The Reddit crowd’s vocal, but the real question is: how do you weigh legacy against equality? Share your thoughts below—what would you do if you were in this parent’s shoes, juggling a fortune and family feelings?

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