AITA For abandoning my mother in Colombia?

Imagine landing in vibrant Colombia, the air buzzing with wedding excitement and the scent of street food wafting through bustling streets. A daughter and her 75-year-old mother, fresh from Canada, roll their suitcases into a sleek Airbnb, its modern charm a stark contrast to the crowded family homes they usually visit. But when the mother balks at the distance from relatives and chooses to cram into a packed apartment instead, a family feud erupts, with accusations of abandonment flying.

This Reddit saga is a spicy blend of cultural clashes and personal boundaries. The OP wanted comfort; her mother craved family chaos. When she opted for luxury over a crowded stay, her family cried foul. Was she selfish, or just setting boundaries? The Reddit community has plenty to say. Let’s unpack this tropical drama.

‘AITA For abandoning my mother in Colombia?’

I (F43) was born in Colombia but my family moved to British Columbia when I was 4. I am Canadian. I do not have Colombian citizenship and I dont really want it. I love visiting the country but my life is in Canada.

I am down here right now for a family wedding. I traveled down with my mother (75) because she thinks she is getting old. She has no problem going on vacations in Europe or Asia by herself but she always tries to drag myself, one of my siblings, or my father down here.

It is a beautiful country and the people are friendly and kind. But she always tries to make us stay with family. Which would be fine as many of our relatives have large homes and apartments with spare/guest rooms.

But she never picks those. She always wants to stay with the girl who just had her sixth baby and is only 25, that's an exaggeration but not by much. Or with her uncle who literally lives in a house with dirt floors. Once again nothing wrong with that but I don't really enjoy that experience.

So this time around I got myself an Airbnb in a really nice part of the city without telling her. When we arrived one of my cousin's on my dad's side picked us up and gave us a ride there. It is spacious and lovely.

We unloaded all her luggage at the apartment and we spent the day strolling, shopping, and stopping for food whenever we felt like it. No pressure from anyone. When we got back to the apartment she started giving me s**t for making her stay so far away from her family.

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I told her no one was forcing her to stay with me and she was welcome to call someone to take her wherever she had arranged to stay. So she called her sister who came and got her. They kicked a grandchild out of a room and that's where she is staying, with eight people in a four bedroom apartment.

I saw her at the wedding and she is pissed that I am staying in luxury while she isn't. I did rent a two bedroom in case she wanted but she said she didn't.. Her family also gave me s**t and says I abandoned her.. AITA?

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Talk about a family vacation gone sideways! The OP’s choice of a plush Airbnb over a crowded family home sparked a cultural clash with her mother, who seems to equate proximity with loyalty. The OP didn’t abandon her—she offered a comfy alternative, but her mother chose the familiar chaos of family life. The accusation of “abandonment” feels like guilt-tripping, especially since the OP provided a two-bedroom option.

This scenario reflects a broader tension: balancing cultural expectations with personal boundaries. A 2023 study in Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology found that 45% of diaspora families face conflicts over differing values, especially around family obligations. The mother’s insistence on staying with relatives, even in discomfort, aligns with Colombian values of “convivir” (living together), while the OP’s preference for privacy reflects her Canadian upbringing.

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Family therapist Dr. Elaine Fogel Schneider notes, “Cultural differences within families can create friction, but respecting individual choices is key to harmony”. Here, the mother’s pressure and family’s criticism ignored the OP’s autonomy. Her decision wasn’t a rejection of heritage but a need for comfort.

The OP could calmly explain her need for space while affirming her love for family, perhaps hosting a gathering to bridge the gap. Therapy might help navigate these cultural divides.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crowd brought the heat, siding with the OP and tossing shade at her mother’s drama. Here’s what they said:

Motor_Business483 − NTA. ​. You handled that very well.. ​. ​. Stop traveling with your mom, she sounds tedious.

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teresajs − NTA. She left you, and is welcome to return to your Airbnb. There's nothing wrong with that.

SamSpayedPI − NTA. You took her to the Airbnb; it was she who decided to leave to stay at her sister's. *She* abandoned *you*, not the other way around.

boniemonie − NTA. Of course not. You gave her options. She chose for herself. I don’t think the pair of you are great travel companions. I would decline her invite next time.

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BigBayesian − NTA. She abandoned you. She'd rather be with family in close quarters. You'd rather have luxury and privacy. You clearly have different preferences, and you've elegantly handled this by letting her make the choice for herself, but not for you.

Substantial_Plum3460 − As a Colombian who has been in Canada half his life (now 30) I get where you are coming from, but also where your mom is coming from. For one, visiting your uncle (who happens to live with dirt floors)

or your cousin (who has a bunch of kids) are not really 'experiences' in my book, things for YOU to receive, it is about the exchange of family, being in company, and accepting other people don't live like you.

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Of course, you are allowed to be uncomfortable and even not feel like going precisely because your mom has ulterior motives (likes buying your family stuff by pressuring you, which is an a**hole move)

but as a comment said below, you are not really Colombian, at least culturally, because staying with family is part of the deal, and for the most part it sounds like you have been in comfortable places, only sometimes being in not so privileged areas.

My point is that, it might seem to your mom and family that you are purposely going out of your way to rent an expensive space so you don't have to be in a 'poor' area. The point is to 'convivir' which in English is 'to live together'

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even if it's not comfortable, because, we as Colombians, have certainly had to deal with the uncomfortable, but you, a cultural Canadian, seem to turn up your nose at a dirt floor (which is totally normal in most of the world). I don't think you are the a**hole, btw, because your mom has an agenda and that is just douchy, but at least consider the way you are coming across.

You don't have to stay with them, but maybe rent a cottage for a weekend so the family can spend quality time with you? Either way, nta, but your attitude towards your less privileged family, or to at least uncomfortable situations is a bit wanting. Your mom = a**hole.

Various-Bridge-325 − NTA. Your mother is being dramatic. She wants to stay in discomfort with family - her choice - but does not want you to be comfortable either. It's like misery likes company.

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You didn't abandon her, you gave her a beautiful opportunity to stay somewhere lovely and she turned up her nose at it. So she can stay in an uncomfortable environment on her own. Ignore her comments and that of her family. Don't even get involved.

EnergyThat1518 − NTA. You didn't abandon her anywhere. I don't see anything about you putting her out in the middle of a jungle. What I do see is she phoned her sister, of her own accord, and left, of her own accord, with said sister, and chose to stay in a four bedroom apartment, of her own accord.

I would jokingly ask anyone who brought it up if the ghost possessing her had left then because you saw her call them by her own will, choose to go with them, and choose to stay with someone with kids. You did not abandon her anywhere or make her leave.

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Icy_Journalist7539 − NTA but this almost sounds like a “look what your life could’ve been if we hadn’t moved abroad” type of…guilt tripping…gloating…IDK. Especially to choose the family in less than ideal housing situations over family with plenty of space. Good for you for standing your ground though!

johnbrownenterprise − I think this is more a cultural thing, isn't it? I know you've grown up Canadian, but I believe in many cultures and especially during a big event like a wedding families expect  o stay together

even if it's a temporary inconvenience (like 8 people in a 4 bed). I think it's likely that your mum is feeling you are abandoning the Colombian cultural expectation and being more 'western'

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Wow, Reddit’s serving tea with a side of sass! Most see the OP as guilt-free, pointing out her mother’s choice to leave. Some highlight cultural nuances, urging empathy, while others call the mother’s reaction pure manipulation. Are they on point, or is there more to this family feud?

This Colombian wedding tale shows how fast a trip can turn into a tug-of-war over culture and comfort. The OP’s luxe Airbnb wasn’t abandonment—it was a boundary her mother chose not to respect. It’s a reminder that family love doesn’t mean sacrificing personal needs. Have you faced family pressure to conform? Would you pick the Airbnb or the crowded family home? Drop your thoughts below—we’re dying to hear your take!

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