AITA for refusing to talk to my mother unless she uses my title?

In the quiet hum of a phone call, a newly minted doctor confronts her past, her voice steady but laced with years of pain. Having cut ties with her abusive mother at 18, the 25-year-old, once belittled as “r**arded” and destined to fail, now holds an Oxford medical degree. When her mother seeks to reconnect, the doctor sets a firm condition: address her as “Dr. [Name]” or the line goes dead.

After initial resistance, her mother complies, but her brother calls her petty. The demand, born of a scarred childhood, stirs debate: is it a justified stand for respect, or a prideful overreach in a fragile family reunion? This tale of triumph and trauma pulls readers into a raw clash of boundaries and healing.

‘AITA for refusing to talk to my mother unless she uses my title?’

My mum was abusive growing up which led to me cutting contact the second I left home. The main form of abuse was saying I'd never amount to anything, was r**arded, work at mcdonalds despite loads of evidence on the contrary. Even after I received an offer from Oxford med she kept telling me not to bother cause I'd drop out which was so wrong looking back on it.. ​

Fast forward 7 years, I've recently become a qualified doctor and my mum wants to 'try having a better relationship with me'. We haven't met in person yet but have spoke over the phone where she seemed nicer than she used to be, but I insisted she called me 'dr \[my name\]' or i wasn't speaking to her.

At first she thought I was joking so I hung up and rejected her calls for a few weeks, and from then on she has used it. My brother (mum was far nicer to him) has complained to me that I'm being a massive bell-end. To be honest I'm barely willing to speak to her, and not bothering at all unless she shows proper respect. AITA?. ​

I'm sure it's going to get asked and no, I don't insist on being called dr outside of work, ever. At work I don't care either and although many people do call me dr, I don't expect it or get offended by its absence.. Well this blew up. Sorry won’t be able to reply to everyone and thanks for the feedback.

This phone call standoff is a masterclass in reclaiming power after trauma. The OP, a doctor who endured her mother’s verbal abuse—mocking her potential and intellect—sets a boundary by demanding her professional title. Her mother’s sudden interest post-success raises questions, while the brother’s criticism ignores her pain.

The OP’s condition isn’t just about ego; it’s a symbolic rebuke of past belittlement. As trauma therapist Dr. Bessel van der Kolk notes, “Survivors of abuse often use boundaries to restore dignity.” Her mother’s compliance suggests a shift, but true change requires accountability for past harm. This reflects broader dynamics: adult children of abusive parents often struggle to redefine family ties.

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The OP should proceed cautiously, perhaps with therapy to navigate this reconnection. Clear expectations—beyond the title—can test her mother’s sincerity. If toxicity persists, limited contact may be wiser.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s takes are as charged as a medical ward during a crisis! Here’s what the community had to say:

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WholeLottaDucks − NTA. I don't get how anyone thinks you're an a**hole. Your mom came back right after you became a doctor (little suspicious) and wants to talk all of a sudden? You deserve to have her call you Dr. after she said you'd drop out of bed school.

viralplant − NTA. Your mother was horrible to you, whether it makes you petty or proud by making her call you ‘Doctor’ it doesn’t matter, she abused you! She said you better drop out because you wouldn’t succeed, I can’t believe other commenters are missing this. Your brother can say anything he wants, his views of your mother are coloured by the fact that she was nicer to him.

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So he doesn’t get a say in how you handle your relationship with her. All in all, I’d say maybe it’s best not to have a relationship with your mother because it’s not making you a better person only bringing up the worse in you. And also, congratulations on becoming a doctor and all the best.

[Reddit User] − YTA anyone insisting on being called their title outside of work is a d**che. Don't sink to her level. If you want a relationship with her drop the games and try. Otherwise don't see her

cyanplum − YTA

minion531 − NTA I am 100% fully in support of your decision. She is a toxic person and having you in her life now, is because she expects you are going to be making great money, as Doctors are top of the food chain. All the more reason to not have contact with her.

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Making her call you 'Doctor' is her penance for trying to keep you down and being afraid of your success. In fact I would up the ante and make her say 'Please Mr Doctor Sir, can i have _________?' For any requests. I suspect she won't grovel and will stay away, which will end up being the best thing for you.

Aleeravilu − NTA. She was abusing and betitling you all your life before you became successful. If she wants to reconnect now, she needs to first acknowledge your success. Of course that should not be the only condition, she needs to prove she has changed too. However, I doubt an abusive person could just suddenly improve. So maybe it's better to just leave her alone.

Crying_Markiplier − ESH

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Abdulbaqr − I want to give you extra points for using the term bell-end.

Up2Eleven − YTA Her abuse isn't okay, but demanding that family members call you doctor is ridiculous. Anyone with a title who demands to be called that title, unless in a professional situation, is a massive bell-end.

_Conway_ − NTA I cut of my mother for a time due to not feeling supported in my transition from female to male. I told her I would remain in contact if she used my proper pronouns and name. She’s making an effort. I know it sounds like a weird analogy but I vaguely understand how you’re feeling.

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I’m a victim of abuse luckily I’ve escaped that environment and I’m working through it little by little. If you want to stay in contact with your mother you can. If you don’t want to you don’t have to. I’m going to repeat that.. YOU DON’T HAVE TO STAY IN CONTACT WITH YOUR ABUSER.

These opinions spark, but do they illuminate the path or just add static to the drama?

This title-demand clash leaves us pondering: was the OP wrong for insisting on “Doctor” to reconnect with her abusive mother, or was it a fair claim to respect? Healing from trauma and rebuilding family ties tangle like delicate sutures. What would you do if an abusive parent sought to reenter your life after your success? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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