AITAH for being mad at my wife saying breaking up with her ex was “one of her biggest regrets” to friend who is dating him?

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Imagine a cozy evening in a softly lit living room, where two friends sip coffee and chat about love and life. The air is warm with laughter until a single sentence drops like a stone, rippling tension through the room. A husband overhears his wife call her ex “the sweetest and most wonderful guy,” confessing that leaving him was “one of my biggest regrets.” His heart sinks, and his sharp “Excuse me?” cuts through the moment like a knife. What unfolds is a raw, relatable tale of trust, truth, and tangled emotions.

This slip of the tongue sparks a firestorm of hurt and doubt, leaving the husband reeling and the Reddit community buzzing with opinions. Was the wife caught in a moment of nostalgia, or did she reveal a deeper truth? Let’s dive into this messy moment and explore what it means for love and loyalty.

‘AITAH for being mad at my wife saying breaking up with her ex was “one of her biggest regrets” to friend who is dating him?’

The other day, one of my wife's friend was talking to her about a guy she was dating. It just happened to be my wife's ex.. The convo went to the friend having some doubts about the guy. My wife said this and I quote.

'He is the sweetest and most wonderful guy. Breaking up with him is one of my biggest regrets'. And my immediate response was 'Excuse me?' And it took my wife too long to catch on.

She was like 'What?' And it took her a while to process what she said. I told her never mind for now, and let her finish the convo with her friend. Granted, her friend left pretty soon after that.

We talked about it, and honestly I'm still pretty pissed... she said she just got caught with it, and that she didn't really mean it.. Honestly, it didn't make me feel any better tbh. I've been keeping some space from her.

Ouch—that’s a conversation no spouse wants to overhear. The OP’s wife painted her ex as a dreamboat, leaving her husband feeling like a consolation prize. Her claim of “not meaning it” feels like a flimsy bandage on a gaping wound. The OP’s anger is understandable; her words, even if impulsive, undermine their bond. Meanwhile, her hesitation to apologize suggests discomfort with accountability, which stings even more.

This scenario taps into a broader issue: how past relationships shape current ones. A 2021 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 30% of people occasionally compare their current partner to an ex, often unconsciously. Such comparisons can erode trust if aired carelessly.

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Relationship therapist Dr. John Gottman emphasizes, “Trust is built in very small moments, which I call ‘sliding door’ moments”. Here, the wife’s failure to immediately address her husband’s hurt missed a critical moment to rebuild trust. Her nostalgia may reflect unresolved feelings or simply a lapse in judgment, but it demands open dialogue.

For the OP, initiating a calm conversation about how her words impacted him is key. Couples therapy could help unpack her feelings and rebuild security.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crowd didn’t mince words, serving up a mix of sympathy and tough love. Here’s what they had to say:

WinterFront1431 − I bet her friend felt same way as you.

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Ok_Surprise9206 − The fact that she didn't prefusely apologize right away is really concerning. I would sit her down and tell her not only how you feel and how disrespectful that was and if she just makes excuses and blows you off then I don't know if I could be with someone like that honestly.

Zscalerrguy − No, nope you’re not the AH. And yes, you deserve a better explanation.

Due_Status_9031 − And as a second plus to this fiasco.... her best friend is dating your wife's ex.. Oh, I can't wait to hear the conversation. 'Hey OP, guess what... we have a double date set with my best girlfriend and best boyfriend.' Definitely NTA !. Do you have kids? How long together?

djjmar92 − I’d bet her friend, like you, realised exactly what that meant and what it implies if your wife is around her BF going forward.

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persistent_issues − With that one statement she undermined your marriage, insulted and emasculated you, and showed you what kind of woman she really is. If she didn’t really mean it, she wouldn’t have said it. This means everything she’s ever told you about her feelings for you have been filtered.

Ifiwerenyourshoes − NTA, and it is her job to fix this. Say it like this. If I were to divorce you over what you said, would that become your biggest regret then? Let her talk, stay silent, do not say a word after this, your silence will speak volumes at this point.

She will likely say you are being ridiculous or some version of this. Then look at her and say when you are ready to fix this, let me know. If you have not started to work on it by tomorrow, I will begin to look for divorce attorneys. Then walk away.

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VegetableBusiness897 − That toothpaste isn't going back in the tube. I had one of those moments with an (ex) partner. 4 years of perfection and one moment of WTAF??....I don't even know who you are?...any every micron of love I had just...evaporated

sowokeicantsee − Man, my wife gaslit me for 15 years, Finally after I left her and in counselling it all came up, she was still in love with the figment of a guy. This is where it gets so difficult and every person is unique, so I am not saying your missus is like this, she needs to get professional help to understand herself.

So my wifes ex, cheated on her and got another girl pregnant and he married her.. However her ex was everythng she dreamed of, He was taller, better built, better looking, could paint and play the guitar and is generally a very talented dude.

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I on the other hand are not all those things, but I am good at making money and being loyal and a provider, eg she never worked a day in her life. But still that was not enough, she dreamed of her perfect life with this perfect guy who could earn the money I could.. So for 15 years I was competing with a fantasy.

Thats the thing that got unpacked is that I was competing with a fantasy but this is where it gets weird. The real problem is 'why was she unable to connect with me when I provided her with everything she could want' so what it comes down to is her. \-Id, essence, personality. \- family system and attachment style

So the real reason she had a fantasy was to 'justify self disconnection' as she is actually a dismissive avoidant person and because of who she is as a person and her upbringing she just doesn't want to build a bonded relationship but is much happier at just having a provider who expects nothing from her emotionally.

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At the time I was anxious attachment; avoidant and anxious people go together like frogs in a pond. So after much to and fro I left her and by god 9 years on the best thing I ever did was to leave somebody that didnt really care to have me as a person in her life.

She did say on the last session when I said we were done 'You have ruined my life' in the whole 15 years she never did anything without huge duress to try and make me happy, she was excellent at controlling the frame to make me keep her happy and anything I asked for was unreasonable.

If any of this is ringing true then you really need a lot of professional help to unpack the core of what a person is and the core you have to get too is what sort of relationship do they want and what sort of relationship do you want.

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to be really clear there is no wrong or right in any attachment style, its just does it work for both parties. EG, I also don't like being with anxious c**ngy partners or avoidant partners either but it doesnt mean what I want is right, its just what is right for me...

LV_Knight1969 − And now you know what you wife actually thinks about her ex…you…and your marriage.. And it absolutely sucks for you. Don’t fall for the lie of “ I didn’t mean it”….she actually did mean it , but doesn’t have the integrity it takes to admit she meant it.

If she can even tell you the truth about the words that came directly through her brain and out of her mouth. . Why bother being married to her? In any event…she doesn’t seem like she is the type to take accountability…so coming back from this has a very low chance of happening .

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Good luck dude, you don’t have to divorce her now , and you can try to get her to fix this….but it’s definitely time to start protecting yourself and coming up with an exit plan.. Additionally…don’t let her get you to drop it or sweep it under the rug.. She either addresses it openly and truthfully, or your marriage will not survive her betrayal.

Talk about a comment section with claws! Redditors seem convinced the wife’s words betrayed deeper truths, with some urging the OP to demand accountability or even plan an exit. But are they fanning the flames or speaking harsh truths?

This tale of a wife’s wistful words shows how quickly trust can wobble when past loves creep into the present. The OP’s hurt is raw, and the wife’s backpedaling hasn’t soothed the sting. It’s a reminder that words carry weight, especially in marriage. Would you forgive a spouse’s slip like this, or is it a dealbreaker? Have you ever been blindsided by a partner’s past? Drop your thoughts below—we’re all ears for your take!

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