AITA for telling my wife that putting our son to bed was now her job and then moving my bed into a separate room?

In the soft glow of a toddler’s nightlight, a family’s harmony frays as bedtime battles ignite a marital storm. A 35-year-old father, worn out from wrestling his two-year-old son to sleep, blames his stay-at-home wife for a disrupted nap schedule that leaves their child wired at night. Frustrated, he declares bedtime her sole duty and moves his bed to a separate room, locking the door.

The next morning, his exhausted wife, stung by his ultimatum, demands more teamwork, but he doubles down. Was his drastic move a fair stand against an unfair burden, or a childish dodge of parenting duties? This clash of exhaustion and expectations pulls readers into a raw domestic drama.

‘AITA for telling my wife that putting our son to bed was now her job and then moving my bed into a separate room?’

The situation is basically that I (35m) and my wife (29f) have a two-year-old son. She is a SAHM and I work full-time, usually from 6:30am to 5:30pm or so. Being a toddler, my son should generally be sleeping between 11 and 14 hours a day. Therefore, what my wife and I aim for is for him to wake up at 7am,

do all the typical daily activities, take a nap starting between 1:30pm and 2:00pm for two hours, and then go to bed again at 8pm. This would give him a good 13 hours of sleep a day. I'm typically in charge of getting him to sleep at night while she obviously puts him down for his afternoon nap.

For the past several months, my wife has gotten incredibly lazy with putting him to bed. I understand that it's not always easy, but she has essentially worked out a new system: she waits for him to be utterly exhausted at about 4pm, puts him in bed, and then wakes him up between 6:00 and as late as 6:30.

Therefore, when I try to get him to go to bed between 8 and 9, he's not tired. At all. It's basically a horrible wrestling match to get him to stay in bed as he shrieks and cries and bites and doesn't want to sleep *because he's simply not tired*. It takes me up to two and a half hours to get him to bed which is horribly unfun for both of us.

Last night I finally told my wife that until she fixes his sleep schedule, I'm not going to clean up her mess anymore. I moved my bed into another room, locked the door, and went to bed as she put him to sleep. This morning, she was exhausted from doing so and in a terrible mood because apparently having to do what I've been doing for months was bad.

She told me that I need to be more active in helping out with him, and I responded that I'll happily do so once she actually gets him down for his nap at a reasonable time.. I honestly don't think about out of line here, but am I being an ass?

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This bedtime saga plays out like a tug-of-war—both parents drained, each pointing fingers. The OP, burdened by late-night struggles, accuses his wife of “laziness” for shifting their toddler’s nap to late afternoon, disrupting bedtime. His retreat to a separate room feels more like a tantrum than a solution.

Toddlers’ sleep needs evolve, often dropping naps around age two. As pediatric sleep expert Dr. Jodi Mindell notes, “Transitioning from naps requires adjusting bedtime earlier, not forcing old routines.” The wife’s late naps may reflect the child’s resistance, not negligence. Parenting demands teamwork, yet the OP’s ultimatum sidesteps collaboration.

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This mirrors broader challenges: unequal parenting loads strain marriages, especially with young kids. The couple should discuss the toddler’s changing needs and test an earlier bedtime. Mutual empathy and a sleep consultant could help.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s takes are as lively as a toddler dodging bedtime! Here’s what the community had to say:

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Sweetsmyle − NAH toddler is a difficult age. Their needs are constantly changing. He might not be tired at 1:30-2:00 anymore but your wife is still trying to get him down which can take much longer if he’s not tired as you well know from the nighttime struggles. Sounds like he’s starting to transition out of the daily nap phase.

It’s a hard milestone on the parents because toddler will get tired without a nap but too close to bedtime so you either have to deal with a cranky toddler in the evenings until this passes or do an earlier bed time which will cause the kiddo to get up early. Please be patient with each other. Raising a kid is hard on both parents.

[Reddit User] − YTA. Your kid is having some typical sleep struggles. Your wife isn’t being ‘lazy’ with his naps, it sounds like she’s having a hard time getting him to actually go to sleep. You’re blaming her instead of acting like a parent and trying to work out a solution together. If anyone’s being lazy here, it’s you.

Ilovegifsofjif − YTA. I know this might come as a surprise but kids drop naps as they get older. I'm not going to get into the laughably small amount of time you are actually on deck as an active parent.

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JuicyPeachTrollop − my wife has gotten incredibly lazy with putting him to bed. INFO: how do you know this? You said you aren't home during his nap time, so how do you know the issue is her and not him wanting a different sleep schedule?

[Reddit User] − Well good for you for taking your bed and going to another room!! The most mature way to deal with any adult situation lmao

sar27 − YTA. This behaviour in response to the concerns you both have about your child is not right, it's frankly immature. He may need a different sleep schedule, or something else that works. It's not right for you to lash out at her and blame her for getting him down for his nap at a different time.

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Your child is a toddler, and if you get exhausted after trying to put him to sleep for 2 hours, imagine her exhaustion when she is watching him the full day. Kids aren't always easy, it's not fair for you to react the way that you did. Come up with a better solution together.

FlysaMinelly − INFO: how old is your son? is it possible your son is ready to drop his day nap in exchange for an earlier bed time? my toddler dropped her nap at about 2 and would go to bed about 6.30

[Reddit User] − You moved your bed and locked the door? Mature solution. Your son isn’t “her mess”. Yta.

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Amethyst9494 − Well you certainly sound like an AH calling your wife lazy while she cares for your son so you can work - need more info though as to the reason she won’t put him down for naps I doubt it’s laziness.

mariasangria87 − YTA. How do you know that she’s just “being lazy” with his afternoon nap? I, the mother of a 2-year-old, fight with my kid to get him down for an afternoon nap more often than not. You have your job during the day, her job during the day is being a SAHM. However, when you get home, the child you share is the responsibility of the BOTH of you.

Moving your bed and locking the door is absurd. Have a conversation w her about how you guys can make this work or face the fact that your kid may want to cut naps and will be waking up earlier. Kids aren’t robots. We as parents can only control so much.

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These hot takes sizzle, but do they light the way or just fan the flames?

This sleep schedule clash leaves us wondering: was the OP wrong for dumping bedtime on his wife and moving out, or was his frustration valid? Parenting toddlers tests even the strongest bonds. What would you do if your partner’s approach to your child’s routine clashed with yours? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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