AITA for taking my grandchildren on a special trip and not taking their siblings?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A splashy water park adventure turned into a family flashpoint when grandparents faced criticism for leaving out their grandchildren’s siblings. Having lost their only son, this couple fought a legal battle for precious summer weeks with his two children, now teens. Their trip to a thrilling water park and their old family home, where their dad grew up, was a heartfelt nod to his memory, filled with laughter and love.

But the joy hit a snag when the children’s mother and her husband complained that their other kids were excluded from the “extravagant” outing. The grandparents, focused solely on their son’s legacy, see no duty to include step- or half-siblings. Is their choice a fair boundary, or does it unfairly deepen family divides? This story dives into the tender complexities of grief and blended family ties, pulling readers into a heartfelt debate.

‘AITA for taking my grandchildren on a special trip and not taking their siblings?’

I lost my only son 11 years ago. He had two children at the time who were 3 and 4 years old. My grandchildren's mother quickly moved on and attempted to cut contact with my husband and I. We went to court and were awarded grandparents visitation rights, which the kids mother and her husband were very unhappy about.

Immediately upon the start of our court ordered time with our grandchildren, their mother insisted we include her husbands two children of the same age. We did not. It has been a constant source of tension between us. But her stepchildren are not part of our family. I do not see them as anything but strangers children.

We feel the same about the other children she has biologically. They are not our family. Our two grandchildren are. We are allowed to take the children for a week in the summer every year for vacation time. This year we took them on a very fun trip to a more advanced water park they had always wanted to go to,

and then we brought them to our old home, which is where we raised their dad. It was a lovely trip. Very meaningful. The kids had fun. When we all got back complaints came from the kids mom and her husband that we took them on such an extravagant trip and didn't attempt to include the other children.

My older grandchild mentioned tension in the home after their return and said that the half siblings were upset to have missed out on something fun. I do acknowledge these are children so I wanted to see if people believe my husband and I are wrong in the dispute.

I will also add for anyone who feels it relevant, we are in no way involved in the lives of the other children. We do not include them in our family nor do we buy them anything for any occasion. Our grandchildren have never expressed a desire to include them with us either.

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A special trip became a sore point in a blended family navigating loss and loyalty. The grandparents’ focus on their son’s children reflects their grief and hard-won visitation rights, but excluding the other siblings sparked household tension. The mother’s push for inclusion feels like an overreach, given her past attempt to cut contact.

Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, writes in Surviving and Thriving in Stepfamily Relationships, “Blended families thrive when boundaries respect each child’s unique ties.” A 2023 study from the Journal of Family Issues found that 62% of stepfamilies face conflicts over differential treatment of children. The grandparents’ trip honors their son’s memory, but the mother’s expectation risks blurring their distinct role.

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The mother’s initial resistance to visitation undermines her demand for equal treatment now. Her other children’s envy is understandable, yet her approach fuels conflict. Dr. Papernow suggests, “Clear communication about roles prevents resentment.” The grandparents could offer small gestures, like inviting all kids to a neutral event, while the mother explains the unique bond to her children. Resources like Stepfamily Resources can guide both sides toward peace without forcing inclusion.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit splashed into this family drama with enthusiasm, dishing out support and spicy takes like a water park snack stand. From cheering the grandparents’ dedication to calling out the mother’s tactics, the comments are a lively mix. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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molotovmerkin − NTA. You are the grandparents of your son’s children and you had to have a legal battle to have even the little bit of access to them to maintain the relationship. Of course you’d want to protect that time so you can focus as much on them as possible without having other kids there that aren’t related to you.

Their mom is being unreasonable and inappropriate. You aren’t obligated legally or socially to play granny with anyone else’s kids, regardless of the connection they have to your grandkids.

textureworkshop − My father has three kids with his first wife who died before he married my mother. Every summer my half siblings spent a month with their maternal grandparents. They also spent time at an aunt and uncle's that we didn't share, it in no way had a negative impact on my childhood.

Your former daughter in law is making drama where it doesn't need to be. Blended families have enough issues without her making up crap. You're NTA, you are wonderful grandparents who have fought to maintain a relationship with your grandchildren.

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It is understandable that you do everything you can to make the most of the little time you have with them. I agree with other people's comments, if she had wanted you to be a part of her whole new blended family, she should have fostered that relationship, not fought you for access to your grandchildren. This is a situation of her making.

Emmiburr − NTA. The biggest a**hole her is the mother whose feeding b**lshit to her step kids that they should be included. It's not your problem their envious of their step siblings. And they have parents who could explain why, they just choose not.

Als, the mother tried to erase you and your husband out of your grandchildren lives, which makes her a double a**hole.. Don't feel guilty, enjoy your time with your grandchildren and make the best of it

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Edit: I also think if you have a will ot something similar where you pass inheritance money to your grandchildren, make sure it's iron clad where the mother can't get her hands on it

the_road_infinite − I’d say NTA. If their mother wanted to and had worked to cultivate a relationship with you and her family I could *maybe* see it, (and even then it’d be a stretch) but she has actively worked for you to NOT be in her children’s lives. She can’t have it both ways. If she wants those kinds of trips for her other kids, then she needs to take them herself.. Edited to say I’m sorry for your loss, OP.

Stargazer-2893 − NTA. The mother is manipulating the situation and trying to poison the relationship. She didn't want you to have contact with the kids, forcing you to get courts involved. She's trying to make you look bad because it's all she can do to retaliate. She wants your grandkids conflicted on how they feel about you and is using her other kids as pawns to that end.

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No-Cost-2668 − NTA. The moment your son died, she decided to cut all contact with you that you needed to sue, and then once you successfully won, she demanded you take her stepkids too? She sounds awful.. You will never be the AH.

Few_Improvement_6357 − NTA. And this is a preview of what is to come. There is another post today of an 18 year old who lost his mom and his maternal grandmother died and he inherited some money from grandma.

There is pressure for him to 'share' his inheritance with his stepsister who is in no way related to his grandma. Take legal care to protect any assets that will be left to your grandchildren. The mother cannot be trusted to protect their interests.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. She tried to cut you off completely. Now she wants full benefits. Nope. Nope. Nope. The other children never shared a relationship with your son.

[Reddit User] − NTA, but the mother sure is. She can very easily explain to the other siblings that the older two have a different dad and that you are that guy's mom and their Nana. Those other kids also have different grandparents and relatives.

xxSKSxx_ − NTA Their half-siblings and stepsiblings have both of their parents and their grandparents. Why do they need a third pair of grandparents? Would those children rather have lost a parent? Would they want to switch places? No? Well, then I guess they have no reason to be jealous.

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These Redditors rallied for the grandparents’ focus on their grandchildren, with some eyeing the mother’s motives skeptically. But do their opinions hold water, or are they just stirring the pot? This family clash has sparked a vibrant debate.

This water park tale highlights the delicate dance of blended families, where grief and boundaries collide. The grandparents’ trip cherished their son’s memory, but excluding other siblings stirred hurt feelings. The mother’s push for fairness ignores their unique loss, yet her kids’ disappointment is real. Open talks could bridge this gap. How would you navigate family ties and loss in a blended family? Share your thoughts below!

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