AITA for calling my SIL a h**ocrite after she criticized my wife’s choice to bottle feed our baby?

In a cozy living room, a new father’s joy over his newborn son is tested by a stinging remark. The air grows tense as his sister-in-law casts shade on his wife’s choice to bottle-feed, sparking a clash that leaves family ties frayed. For a couple navigating the raw, emotional terrain of early parenthood, these unsolicited judgments hit hard. With postpartum struggles in the mix, the question looms: was calling out the critic’s hypocrisy justified, or did it fan the flames of family drama?

The scene unfolds in a typical suburban home, where baby bottles and diaper bags mingle with well-meaning but intrusive guests. The new parents, already juggling sleepless nights and emotional highs, face an unexpected challenge: defending their choices against a sanctimonious relative. Readers can’t help but wonder—how do you balance standing up for your partner with keeping the peace?

‘AITA for calling my SIL a h**ocrite after she criticized my wife’s choice to bottle feed our baby?’

My wife gave birth to our first child July of this year. She tried to breastfeed our son but couldn't handle the pain, she also suffered from postpartum depression so I suggested we try formula. Our baby is growing healthy and happy and my wife started to feel good again.

She still feels down sometimes but her medication has helped her a lot. My brother and his family visited us last week. They gave us gifts for the baby and asked how things are going for us. We were just chatting in the livingroom when our baby started crying.

My wife hurried to the kitchen to prepare our son's bottle when SIL followed her. She said something along the lines of 'are you sure you want to feed your baby cow's milk?'. My wife said yes and explained that she tried breastfeeding but it was too painful for her.

SIL then went on to say that when she had her firstborn she never complained of pain and that her 'great love' for her child helped her overcome everything. I told her everyone's experience is unique but she continued to say we are depriving our child the best nutrients because we're feeding him cow's milk.

This time my wife already went to the nursery to feed our baby. My SIL said she can't believe how some mom's are so selfish by choosing to bottle feed to not destroy their figure (my wife is slim even after giving birth). I told her that is not the reason we chose to bottle feed. She stopped making comments because her daughter started to get fussy.

She pulled a snack from her diaper bag and what do you know, she handed her daughter cheetos. I wanted to say something but I stopped myself because I thought it's uncalled for. We continued talking for a few minutes when my wife joined us holding our son to help him burp. SIL went on to say 'Oh you poor thing.

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Did mommy give you cow's milk? I hope you don't end up malnourished.' My wife didn't say anything but I could see from her expression that she was hurt. I told my SIL 'can you stop being a h**ocrite and give your daughter a healthier snack.' My brother got pissed that I called his wife a h**ocrite.

We got into a verbal altercation which ended in me kicking them out. Our parents are now angry at both of us for acting like teenagers. They want us to apologize to each other but I refused. I said only if SIL apologized to my wife first. AITA?

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Edit for clarification: we use Kirkland signature ProCare. It is baby formula. My SIL calls it cow's milk. I don't know maybe to make it sound awful.

Parenting choices, especially around feeding newborns, can ignite fiery debates. In this story, a new mother’s decision to bottle-feed due to pain and postpartum depression is met with harsh judgment. The SIL’s unsolicited critique, paired with her own questionable snack choices, escalates the tension. Both sides dig in, revealing a clash of perspectives—empathy versus idealism.

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Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and parenting expert, notes, “New parents need support, not judgment. Feeding choices are deeply personal and often driven by necessity, not vanity” (source: Peaceful Parent,). Here, the mother’s choice reflects a practical response to physical and mental health challenges. The SIL’s remarks, framing formula as “cow’s milk,” dismiss the mother’s struggles and oversimplify a complex issue.

This situation highlights a broader societal pressure on mothers to conform to “ideal” parenting standards. A 2020 study from the Journal of Pediatrics found that 40% of mothers face stigma for formula feeding, despite its safety and nutritional value (source: Journal of Pediatrics). The SIL’s judgment taps into this, ignoring the mother’s well-being.

For the couple, open communication is key. Dr. Markham advises validating each other’s feelings and setting boundaries with relatives. A calm discussion with the SIL, emphasizing mutual respect, could prevent future conflicts. For now, the father’s defense was a natural response to protect his wife, though a softer approach might mend family ties.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s hot takes on this family feud are as spicy as the Cheetos in question! The community rallied behind the father, with users calling out the SIL’s hypocrisy and ignorance. Here are some of the top reactions:

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Chicagobeauty − NTA: your SIL is straight stupid for multiple reasons because it isn’t cows milk, it is baby formula that is specifically made FOR BABIES! And not everyone can breastfeed! Fed is best 😊 your wife was attentive to your baby’s needs, bonded with him while feeding him in a quiet room,

and then burped him. Sounds like a loving mother regardless of bottle versus b**ast. I would have said something too. It’s good to defend your wife, especially against someone who won’t stop saying ignorant things.

Ambitious-Progress31 − I'm assuming you mean formula and not cows milk. Formula and cow milk is not the same thing. NTA. As long as baby is fed, Sil needs to mind her business - assuming you mean formula.

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jaleo123 − Don’t let people grill in your head breastfed is best. A fed baby is best.

Kixion − NTA - Sounds like a case of the can dish it out but can't take its. I get where your parents are coming from, but with full context you are standing up for your family against, what sounds like, a bully. You do what you have to do for your family. But don't let a mountain form from a molehill either, this sounds like something you can and should be able to move past.

Talathia − NTA. Your SIL was incredibly rude and mean to badger your wife for doing what is best for her and her baby. The fact she turned around and gave such a horrible snack to her kid was an easy thing to call out. You simply stated the truth that she is a h**ocrite.

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Technical-Spring5821 − NTA. After the first insult, SIL should have been told to stop. After the second time, she and her husband would have to leave. Your wife shouldn't have to deal with that type of criticism in her own home.

MandaMaelstrom − NTA. Your sister was being mean for no reason at a vulnerable time in your wife’s life. You stood up for you wife. You’re good.

Kris82868 − NTA. And your child is better off with a mother who is getting the proper medication she needs to be able to function day to day and be healthy herself.

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Kirstemis − NTA. We all know that b**ast milk is the best thing for babies, but if someone can't breastfeed, formula is so much better than letting the child starve to death, ffs. And anyone feeding Cheetos to a baby has nothing to say about healthy choices.

ExpertArrival8412 − NTA oh if someone had said anything to me about how I was feeding my baby and then making those passive aggressive comments, I would have said something worse. New parents already feel o**rwhelmed there is no need for unnecessary and insensitive comments like that. Fed is best as long as the baby is fed and happy what else can someone ask for.

These Reddit opinions are candid, but do they capture the full picture? Perhaps the SIL’s comments stem from her own insecurities—still, her delivery was a misstep.

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This tale of clashing parenting philosophies reminds us how quickly family gatherings can turn into battlegrounds. The father’s sharp retort was a shield for his wife, but it left family bonds strained. Navigating such conflicts requires balancing loyalty with diplomacy. What would you do if a relative criticized your parenting choices in your own home? Share your thoughts—have you faced similar judgment, and how did you handle it?

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