AITA for telling my roomie his girlfriend can’t use my kitchen anymore?

A kitchen counter strewn with eggshells and bacon grease isn’t exactly the welcome mat a homeowner expects in their own house. For one person, their roommate’s girlfriend turned their shared kitchen into a chaotic mess, leaving crumbs, dishes, and frustration in her wake.

Despite repeated talks, the messes persisted, pushing the homeowner to lay down the law: no more kitchen access for her unless the roommate’s cooking too. Now, with passive-aggressive jabs flying, they’re wondering if they’re too harsh. This Reddit tale dives into the messy world of shared spaces and boundary-setting.

‘AITA for telling my roomie his girlfriend can’t use my kitchen anymore?’

I own my house and my roommate rents my other room. His room is in the basement that has a bedroom, a den, and a bathroom. the only shared space we really have is the kitchen and yard. I don't have a problem with him having friends or company over,

but when he moved in, I did make it clear to him that guests weren't allowed to stay long enough to be considered a resident because I only want one other person living in my house. That's all I can really handle. Usually there's no issue between us over the kitchen since we both clean up after ourselves.

The problem is his girlfriend. he's been with her a few months now and since she started coming over, she leaves the kitchen a wreck whenever she uses it. Twice now she's gotten milk at some point in the night and left the container on the counter.

When they cook together, he cleans up and there's no issue. When she makes something for herself, she doesn't clean up. I'll go into the kitchen and there will be knives and cutting boards out. Crumbs and bits of vegetables or cheese on the counter.

Dishes piled in the sink. I can live with the dishes not being taken care of right away but at least clean up the crap left behind in case I need to use the kitchen after her. I've talked to him about this a few times already and he's said he'll talk to her. Whether he has or not, nothing has changed.

The other day he got called in to work on his day off and left about 2 hours before I had to go. I let her know when I'd be leaving so she could leave before then so I could lock up. Come out of my room and the kitchen is yet again wrecked and she was already gone.

ADVERTISEMENT

Left half a plate of food on the counter. Egg shells, raw bacon on the counter, s**t on the stove. I took pictures of it all, cleaned it up quick and went to work. I shot my roomie a message we needed to talk when we were both home.

Got home, showed him the pictures and told him what happened and told him I was done with the mess. I told him she could still come over but she wasn't allowed to use the kitchen anymore unless they were cooking together since that's the only time there isn't a mess after her.

ADVERTISEMENT

He asked me what about if she gets hungry while visiting and he's not and I told him that's not my problem. He can cook with her, she can bring something from her place or she can order something or go out but I was done having the same conversation over and over about the same subject.

He agreed to it but has been making off hand comments the last couple days about me treating her unfairly since I now won't let her use the kitchen in addition to not wanting her to have a key. AITA for not letting her use the kitchen?

ADVERTISEMENT

Edit: I misworded and I apologize. When he asked what was he to do if she got hungry when she's visiting and he's not, I mean he's not hungry, not that he's not home. I don't allow her to visit when he's not home. That incident was the first time she was there without him because he was supposed to be off but got called in.

Shared spaces can become battlegrounds when respect goes out the window. The homeowner’s frustration stems from their roommate’s girlfriend repeatedly leaving the kitchen in disarray, ignoring requests to clean up. While the roommate cleans when cooking together, her solo messes—raw bacon, eggshells, dirty dishes—disrupt the homeowner’s space. The ban on her kitchen use is a firm boundary, but the roommate’s passive-aggressive comments suggest he sees it as unfair, highlighting a clash over responsibility.

Conflicts in shared living are common. A 2023 survey by Apartment Guide found 58% of roommates argue over cleaning duties. Professional organizer Marie Kondo emphasizes, “A tidy space reflects mutual respect; everyone must contribute to maintain harmony”. Here, the girlfriend’s disregard undermines this balance, and the homeowner’s rule, though strict, protects their home’s order.

Kondo’s approach suggests clear house rules, like a cleaning checklist, could prevent future issues. The homeowner might remind the roommate that guests’ messes are his responsibility, as suggested by Reddit. Resources like The Spruce (thespruce.com) offer roommate agreement templates.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit served up a feast of opinions, with a side of sass and some straight talk, hotter than bacon grease on a stove. Here’s what the community dished out on this kitchen controversy.

eppydeservedbetter - NTA. You already complained to your roommate, and his girlfriend still isn’t respecting your house rules. You laid out that you only want one person to live with you, and since you’re the homeowner, you decide who uses your kitchen and who gets a key.

Mr_Ham_Man80 - she leaves the kitchen a wreck whenever she uses it.. NTA but you're looking at this the wrong way. The GF is your roommate's guest. Any mess she leaves is his mess. If she doesn't tidy it then he has to. Don't treat this as a problem with the guest, treat it as a problem with the roommate. Every crappy thing she does is his problem to fix.

ADVERTISEMENT

Every mess is his to clean if he doesn't etc... If your roommate had a party and the place was a state, would you look to blame the individuals involved for each piece of mess or the roommate? You'd blame the roommate. Your agreement is solely with the roommate so you don't need to single out the roommate's guests, GF or not, just that the roommate isn't keeping up with their side of things.

UniVom - NTA. If the comments don’t stop probably time to find a new roommate. Nothing is worse than feeling tension in your own home. You said from the beginning no long term guests so why on earth would he even consider asking to give her a key is beyond me.

EffectiveGold8273 - NTA. For future reference, if he is not home, his guests should not be there!

ADVERTISEMENT

Attorney26 - NTA. You might mention to the roommate that if the common area is not kept clean, the lease may not be renewed…. I would ban the gf altogether myself.

RedditDK2 - NTA. Why is his GF there if he isn't?

wkendwench - NTA time for a new roomie who respects your home and your boundaries.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] - NTA it’s completely disrespectful to leave a mess in a shared space, especially if you don’t live there. Also NTA for not wanting her to have a key, there’s no reason for her to be able to enter your residence when she doesn’t live there.

ItsGoodToChalk - NTA. Your house, your rules - if they don't like it, they can leave.

poeadam - NTA. You gave them multiple chances and provided photo evidence that she continued to be super rude and messy. Your behavior is reasonable.

ADVERTISEMENT

These Redditors brought the spice, but do their takes hold up? Most back the homeowner’s boundary, though some shift blame to the roommate.

This saga of a trashed kitchen and a fed-up homeowner shows how quickly small messes can spark big conflicts. By banning the girlfriend’s solo cooking, the homeowner reclaimed their space, but the roommate’s grumbling hints at lingering tension. Clear rules and mutual respect could clean up this mess for good. Would you ban a messy guest from your kitchen, or try another fix? Share your thoughts—let’s stir the pot on this roommate drama!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *