AITA for keeping my son away from my mom because she fed him custard?

A family reunion turned sour when a spoonful of custard ignited a firestorm of boundaries and hurt feelings. In a cozy suburban home, a young couple’s careful parenting plans clashed with a grandmother’s old-school instincts, leaving everyone on edge. The couple, fiercely protective of their 6-month-old son, set clear rules: no sugar, no spoon-feeding. But when Grandma sidestepped these boundaries, the fallout was swift, with trust crumbling like a poorly baked pie.

The tension didn’t stop at the custard incident. What began as a single misstep spiraled into a standoff, with canceled visits, heated talks, and a demand for therapy. The couple’s frustration is palpable, but was their reaction too harsh? Readers can’t help but wonder: where’s the line between protecting your child and alienating family? This tale of clashing values pulls us into a relatable family drama.

‘AITA for keeping my son away from my mom because she fed him custard?’

My wife (30s) and I (also 30s) have a baby boy. Last year, we flew across the country with him to attend a family reunion and visit my parents. Things were going well until my wife caught my mom (68) trying to feed our baby custard off a spoon—against two of our clear rules: no sugar before 1 year old,

and no spoon-feeding (we're doing BLW). My wife and mom had discussed feeding boundaries at length for weeks, and our 6mo had just started solids. Since our son’s birth, my mom has increasingly ignored boundaries. The first issue was her demanding photos at 9am despite our previous ask for no photo requests before 10am.

Her reasoning: 'Rules don't apply to Grandma.' When caught with the custard, my wife immediately took our son and left the room upset without saying a word. I stayed behind and asked my mom why she didn’t ask first, and she said, “Because I knew you’d say no.” I was livid—this showed she knowingly overrode our parenting decisions.

Later she tried to brush it off as sarcasm. My mom’s sister, who witnessed it, validated my wife’s reaction. The next day, we sat my parents down to talk. My mom initially apologized but quickly backpedaled, changing details ('It was a fork, not a spoon,' 'he just reached for it').

Things got heated. My dad said we were being harsh, and later my mom claimed my wife “screamed” at her. (Neither of us remember screaming but we aren’t going to gaslight her.) We ended the trip early and pulled back communication—my wife, who had been sending daily photos and videos, stopped completely; I now send occasional ones.

We tried working on things. My wife proposed an exercise where they would answer questions about their grandparent expectations and we would discuss them together. We agreed they could attend our son's first birthday if we completed the exercise. They agreed.

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After multiple reschedules (due to my wife's postpartum struggles), we finally set a time last minute—but my mom refused to get dressed to be on video, saying I 'called every shot so far' and that she'd just listen off-camera. My wife felt slighted and revoked their birthday invitation.

My mom later gave a veiled threat and then a different excuse, but the damage was done and we withdrew further. After further reflection and therapy, we told them we need them to seek therapy before resuming visits.

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Their response mentioned the “screaming” again and uncertainty if 'this will work out'—but then still asked for photos 'every once in a while.'. Since then, I’ve kept casual conversation open but deflect photo and visit requests until they start therapy.. So:.

AITA for holding this boundary until therapy happens?. Is my wife TAH for 'yelling' or revoking the daily photos in response? (For context: they were present at his birth and had two good visits where my mom respected boundaries, which made this breach feel even more shocking.)

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A single spoonful of custard can unravel family ties when boundaries are at stake. This couple’s struggle highlights the delicate balance between new parents’ rules and grandparents’ instincts. The grandmother’s choice to ignore clear feeding guidelines sparked a trust issue, but the escalating demands for therapy and restricted visits raise questions about proportionality.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family therapist, notes in his work on Family Psychology, “Trust is built through consistent, respectful communication, especially across generations.” Here, the grandmother’s dismissal of the couple’s rules as mere suggestions broke that trust. Her claim that “rules don’t apply to Grandma” reflects a common generational gap, where older relatives may see modern parenting as overly rigid. A 2023 study from the American Psychological Association found that 68% of new parents report boundary conflicts with grandparents, often over feeding or discipline.

The couple’s reaction, while rooted in protecting their son, veered into control territory. Demanding therapy as a prerequisite for visits may feel like a power play, especially when the grandmother agreed to discuss expectations but balked at a last-minute video call. Gottman’s research emphasizes repairing ruptures through empathy, not ultimatums. The grandmother’s backpedaling and veiled threats didn’t help, suggesting both sides need better communication tools.

To move forward, the couple could propose a mediated conversation, perhaps with a family counselor, to rebuild trust without rigid conditions. The grandmother should acknowledge the breach and commit to respecting boundaries. Both parties might benefit from reading resources like those on Family Psychology, which offer practical steps for navigating family conflicts. Open dialogue, not punishment, will keep this family connected.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade for this custard-fueled drama. From cheers for the parents’ boundary-setting to eye-rolls at their hardline stance, the comments are a lively barbecue of opinions. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

nuggets256 − ESH initially I totally understand you guys being upset. However, the behavior around that video call sounds insane. You expected them to give you infinite leeway on rescheduling due to your boundaries, but when your mom said she'd rather stay off video that's an insurmountable hurdle?

If you want this to be the end of your relationship with your parents you can continue with the mindset you currently have that your accommodations are necessary and hers are unjust demands, but if you'd actually like to mend this bridge I'd consider acting like people on both sides are humans that deserve some grace

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ImpossibleReason2204 − Whew.. Okay, the custard thing, not okay. What baby eats is up to mom and dad, full stop. However. The rest of this sounds like a huge overreaction. Just stick with your kid while you're at Grandma's ffs.

It's not even nearby, you don't see her all the time, she isn't babysitting. Just keep an eye on your kid while you're all there. Interviews to assess their adherence to rules and family therapy for a couple of bites of custard? Way off the rails.

ESH. Grandma was wrong. You and your wife need to take a step back and get some perspective. Relationships with people who love them is so important to kids. So much more important than an erroneous bite of custard.

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heavily-caffinated − ESH. Should she have violated the custard boundary? No. Did you really need to have a custard boundary? Probably also no. I get it. Parenting in this day and age is tough. It’s always been tough sure,

but it’s a different kind of tough where there is literally someone on the internet 24/7 literally from the moment you find out you’re pregnant telling you how and why you should be doing whatever is best for your child in this moment.

Don’t feed them this before this age or this will happen. Make sure you are doing this specific thing in order to promote or prevent whatever the current hot topic is. It’s exhausting. Your parents didn’t have any of this when raising you.

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They don’t know why things are “more complicated” than they were 30 years ago when they were in your shoes. Does this make them experts in child rearing? Absolutely not. Should they respect your rules for your kid? Yes of course but is it worth damaging a relationship over some custard? Only you can answer this question.

I was an a**hole to my mother in law after my first kid was born. I was the mom and I knew how I wanted things to go and it was all about me and my boundaries and my rules. Which were b**lshit. She wasn’t trying to give my baby meth for god’s sake.

It was probably ice cream or a cookie or something I don’t even remember this many years later because it didn’t matter. I can look back and say with confidence that I strained our relationship and made it uncomfortable for her to be around me. This limited her time with my son. AND THEN SHE DIED.

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Unexpectedly. There are only a handful of pics of her and my son because of my unnecessary boundaries, because I cared more about something that didn’t end up mattering. You gotta strike a balance. Or you risk looking back years later regretting time lost and memories not made over petty things that you won’t even remember the details of.

SpeechIll6025 − YTA. Oof.  A lot going on here.  Your wife seems so over the top it’s hard to be on your side.  Is she getting help for her post partum struggles?  I very much hope so. Your mom was wrong for the custard.  But discussing feeding boundaries for weeks sounds quite honestly insane.

A “boundary” of 10 am texts instead of 9 am also sounds like a you problem.  Is she spamming with texts at that time? Why can’t you just ignore until it’s a convenient time for you? The expectation exercise also sounds over the top, but they agreed.

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Yet you cancel multiple times and than lose it when at the last minute your mom doesn’t want to be on camera? And this causes your wife to uninvite them? Again I think she needs some serious help. Is this actually what you want your relationship and your kids relationship with your parents to be?  Support your wife, yes, but most of this is just concerning.

CryptographerWide80 − YTA. Really? This escalated THAT MUCH over a spoon of custard? I mean whatever, blow up your relationship with your parents and deprive your son a relationship with his grandparents if you want, it’s your call. But a pretty petty one if there is nothing else going on here.

mkayultra42 − YTA. I know it’s your first baby and you think something like a spoonful of custard is SO important but trust me, it isn’t. Thinking that every single tiny decision is so crucial to how your child grows and learns is going to cause you nothing but endless stress. Just calm down and don’t sweat the small stuff. Spoiler: It’s almost all small stuff, especially at that age.

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PracticalPrimrose − YTA. I really was going to go with everyone sucks here because I do think Grandma pushed the boundaries a little too far.. But then I just kept reading and I couldn’t .. Maybe Grandma pushes the boundaries because you guys are over the top ridiculous.

You get to make a choice about whether or not your child has a full complement of people who love him. Or you can make a choice to always be right and have everything always done your way. And then of course, cry when you “don’t have a village.”

You guys need to reassess. You using your own child to manipulate and punish your mother is frankly quite gross. Imagine your son is a grown-up. And he gets mad at you because you swaddle the baby incorrectly so he decides you’ve got to go to therapy.

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Literally stare at your infant child and imagine him telling you that. Meanwhile, you’re thinking, *but I swaddled you this way and it was perfectly fine and you are perfectly fine. What is happening right now?*

Gennevieve1 − ESH but mostly you. Yes, your mom overstepped with the custard, she should have asked first. But you blew it completely out of proportion. Are you really OK with destroying the relationship with your mom over a spoon of custard? Your expectations about parenting your baby are unrealistic.

Grandmas and other relatives will try and spoil your kid and feed him sugar. That's what grandparents are for. But that won't hurt or developmentally delay your child. They will also expose him to different POVs and mindsets and lifestyles and that's not a bad thing. It will just help him bond with his grandparents/relatives.

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Children aren't stupid, they are perfectly capable of distinguishing between home and grandma's house and the particular rules. You should focus on the important stuff and make rules about that. Don't be the helicopter parents. Your child needs different experiences to grow and develop.

CaptainBvttFvck − YTA. I can tell from this post that you and your wife have waited all of your lives for this moment: you finally have a big enough incentive/poker chip to micromanage and control your parents (and likely everyone else around you), so you're going **hard**. You are on a serious power trip and need to stop **right now**.

Literally **everyone** can see that this actually has very little to do with the custard. Your mom crossing actual, harmful boundaries because shes the grandma and rules don't apply to her isn't right and will never be right. But, you are weaponizing your child against your mother and using them in a wildly manipulative way.

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Your rules are inappropriately controlling and completely overbearing. But, grandma and grandpa don't get to see the baby if they don't do exactly what you say.. Both of you suck because the person that ultimately suffers will be your child

lmchatterbox − ESH. It’s difficult when both someone is overstepping your boundaries, and your expectations are too controlling. Who cares if she got dressed to be on camera? You rescheduled on her multiple times and she was present on the call. Both sides are making this super difficult.

These Redditors weighed in with passion, some backing the couple’s protective instincts, others calling their therapy demand a step too far. But do these hot takes capture the full picture, or are they just stirring the pot? One thing’s clear: this family feud has tongues wagging.

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This story of custard and control shows how fast family ties can fray when trust takes a hit. The couple’s firm stance protected their son but pushed their family to the brink. Grandma’s sneaky move wasn’t malicious, but her refusal to fully own it fueled the fire. Both sides have a chance to mend things with empathy and clear communication. What would you do if you were caught in this sticky situation? Share your thoughts below!

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