AITA for defending what my mom said about our unborn baby and telling my wife to stop picking fights with her?

Venus Hours
Comments 0 Comments

At a wedding reception aglow with twinkling lights and clinking glasses, one table simmers with tension. A pregnant woman, her hand on her belly, feels her joy fade as her mother-in-law, radiant with plans for her own nuptials, brushes off her unborn grandchild.

The air grows thick, like a storm brewing. This clash pits personal dreams against family ties, with the OP caught between his wife’s hurt and his mother’s blunt focus. Who’s right when priorities collide?

‘AITA for defending what my mom said about our unborn baby and telling my wife to stop picking fights with her?’

My mom and my wife do not get along, probably never will. I told my mom right off the bat that my partner was going to come first, and my mom said she understands that, but I can't make her like her and that set the tone for our current distant relationship.

My wife is currently pregnant with our first child. My mom did make a brief appearance at the shower, and gave to be honest a s**tty gift. I know that sounds entitled, but based on her income it was kind of s**tty. My MIL on the other hand is over the moon and seems to think this is her do over baby.

She talks about nothing but the baby. Both extremes are annoying to be honest. Anyway we saw my mom recently at a wedding and were all seated at the same table. Some people at the table were talking about my mom's upcoming wedding and making a big deal about it, and asking a lot of questions.

My MIL turned the topic back to the baby shower and then commented that my mom really doesn't seem excited. My mom laughed it off and said she is getting married. She literally doesn't care about anything else. I could see the hurt on my wife's face. My wife demanded to know who would say something like that.

My mom said nothing person, but her wedding is much more exciting to her than someone else's baby. My MIL was horrified and reminded my mom that it was her grand baby. My mom said yes, so not her baby, but her wedding. My wife mouthed to my mom 'I literally hate you' and that was the end of that. After we left I brought up to my wife that I don't think what she said was fair.

They don't like each other. My mom understands not liking the mom means she won't be close to our child, and to be honest she's right. It isn't her child, but it is her wedding. I get why that is more exciting for her.. My wife was very offended, said I shouldn't have taken my mom's side, and said I disrespected our baby.

ADVERTISEMENT

This wedding table drama plays out like a reality show gone rogue—everyone’s got their own agenda. The OP’s mother, wrapped up in her wedding plans, brushes off her grandchild, while the wife feels slighted, and the mother-in-law stirs the pot. It’s a clash of personal priorities versus family roles, with no easy winners.

The mother’s focus on her wedding is her prerogative, but her bluntness cuts deep. As psychologist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining individual identity within family systems.” The wife’s hurt is understandable—she craves support during pregnancy—but her reaction risks escalating the feud. This reflects broader tensions: many new mothers expect grandparental involvement, yet some grandparents prioritize their own lives.

ADVERTISEMENT

The OP should stay neutral, validating his wife’s feelings without condemning his mother. Active listening can help de-escalate, letting both sides feel heard. Suggesting calm discussions and clear boundaries could keep the peace.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s takes are spicier than wedding hors d’oeuvres! Here’s what the community said:

ADVERTISEMENT

armedmommy − ESH this was someone else's wedding and you all were bringing drama where it shouldn't be.

Littlemack18 − ESH. Literally everyone. You. Your wife. Mom. MIL. And at someone else's wedding no less.

yourlittlebirdie − ESH. Both your wife and mom are incredibly immature.

thebabes2 − ESH. Your wife needs to be an adult. So does your mom. It's been well established that your mom is an AH to your wife and they don't like each other. Everyone just needs to accept that and move on with life.

ADVERTISEMENT

Your MIL jumping in there trying to control everyone's feelings o they're 'OMG BABBBBBY!' is also a bit much. Mouthing 'I literally hate you' at someone else's wedding is so trashy. All of the women in your life need to learn to keep their drama private.

Ok-Neighborhood-1600 − Bro some of these comments are wild.. People in the table were talking about the Moms wedding. That’s why she was talking about it.. The MIL started the actual argument and she’s the s**t starter. Idk why everyone is saying OPs mom started it. MIL should’ve just shut the f**k up and minded her business.

Inside-Table5046 − I am sooooooooo confused by everyone’s extreme responses to this. Are we reading the same post.. 1. OP has ALREADY gone NC with his mother in direct support of his wife. 2. They were only sitting at the same table and talking to each other because they were invited to the same wedding and PLACED at the same table.

ADVERTISEMENT

3. The mother has made her choice and doesn’t not seem pressed to be in contact with either OP or his wife. In fact, the only reason the mother said that she was more excited about her wedding (as opposed to her grandchild) is because the MIL/daughter PUSHED the conversation. OP’s mom did not lead with talking s**t about anyone’s baby.

She also did not hide the fact that she is not excited about her grandchild (which sucks to hear but honestly, at least she is not lying or trying to hide it…when people show you who they are believe them). This sub often has a lot of conflicting trends. On one hand MILs can be intrusive and the worst thing in the world when they overstep.

On the other hand MIL turned grandmothers who choose to not be in their children’s/grandchildren’s life are the worst because they owe support to the parents and must be a viable part of the family unit. I know it’s just extremes, but damn…if the OP’s mom don’t wanna be a grandma and thusly keeps her distance, is this not a “win win” for everyone (especially the baby)?

ADVERTISEMENT

NAH OP does not need to correct a mother mother who has made it clear she does not want anything to do with his family. OP’s wife is absolutely entitled to her feelings of frustrations but there is nothing that her or OP can do except focus on their family. MIL is just tryna get in where she fits in. Set boundaries if necessary but if it’s all good, just be happy for the support you have.

[Reddit User] − I don't understand the yta and esh. the mother is not obligated to care for the baby and in my opinion, the wife is entitled.

ETfromTheOtherSide − ESH. I don’t think the mom is a bad person for being more excited about HER wedding than someone else’s child BUT everyone could have been nicer to each other and been more respectful of each other. Some ppl genuinely don’t like kids even if they’re related and that’s okay.

ADVERTISEMENT

GuinevereMorgan − NTA. You told the truth. Your wife is about to be a mother. She needs to grow the hell up.

sunfloweries − okay this is getting absolutely ridiculous, there have been like 5 posts about the bad MIL this morning alone.

These opinions are fiery, but do they cut through the drama or just add more heat?

ADVERTISEMENT

This wedding clash leaves us pondering: is the OP wrong for defending his mother’s focus, or is his wife’s hurt a plea for family unity? Navigating these tensions is like dodging raindrops in a storm. What would you do if stuck between your spouse and parent in a similar mess? Share your thoughts below!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *