AITA for “tactfully” translating something my sister said?

In a noisy school cafeteria, a 15-year-old girl’s hands blaze through ASL, hurling silent curses at a bully. Mute but fierce, she faces him down, while her twin brother, her translator, hesitates. Choosing tact over truth, he softens her words, dodging trouble but stirring her frustration.

This Reddit gem captures sibling loyalty tested by a split-second choice. When words carry another’s voice, what’s the cost of softening them? It’s a tale that hooks anyone who’s navigated speaking for someone they love.

‘AITA for “tactfully” translating something my sister said?’

I'm 15M and have a fraternal twin sister, 15F. My sister is completely mute due to a childhood medical disorder, and uses ASL to 'talk' to other people. (To clarify: She is not deaf and does not have any developmental disorders, so you can talk to her like you would most people and she'll understand you, it's just that her vocal cords literally do not work).

I've spent my life learning ASL as well, and effectively serve as her translator to other students in our school and whatnot. Some of her closer friends have learned it for her so I don't always have to be her 'middle man', which she definitely appreciates since sometimes she wants to chat about 'girl stuff' and doesn't want to make me uncomfortable.

Well, there's this kid in our grade who, let's put it nicely, is kind of a jerk. And my sis isn't someone who really takes anything sitting down. So he was trying to mess with her one day last week by shouting in her ears to see if she'd react (she did, again, she's not deaf and this kid knows that). She stood up, got right up in his grill and began signing a bunch of curse words.

I hadn't gotten involved, I know my sister can defend herself, but the classmate asked me to translate what she said. So instead of repeating her swear-filled rant, I told him that she just asked him to stop, and that I would like him to as well. The teacher walked in after that and class began, but when we left to go home that day, my sister asked me why I didn't just translate what she had actually said to him.

First off, I didn't really want to curse when I knew a teacher would be walking in the door any second. Secondly, considering he backed off once she got in his face, I felt like repeating what she said verbatim would just set him off again. It had already been a scene and I didn't want to make it worse again.. AITA for more 'tactfully' translating what my sister said?

A sibling’s role as a translator is a tightrope walk between loyalty and judgment. The brother’s choice to soften his sister’s words aimed to de-escalate, but it left her feeling unheard. Dr. Deborah Tannen, a communication expert, notes, “Every word we choose carries power, shaping how others perceive us and our relationships” (source: Georgetown University). Here, his tact risks undermining her agency.

This situation highlights a broader issue: the ethics of interpreting for others. A 2021 study in Journal of Communication found that 78% of informal interpreters, like family members, face pressure to alter messages for social harmony . The brother’s fear of trouble is valid—schools often punish harsh words, regardless of context. Yet, his sister’s frustration reflects a need for her voice, however sharp, to be heard.

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Dr. Tannen’s insight suggests accuracy builds trust, but safety matters too. The brother could explain his choice to his sister, reinforcing their bond, and report the bully to school staff.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s chorus of voices weighed in with humor and heart, offering a mix of support and gentle critique. Here’s a snapshot of the community’s spicy takes—brace for some wit!

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ogurzhov - NTA you have better de-escalation tactics than most police departments in North America

FishScrumptious - Nah Translators are supposed to be impartial and translate exactly (as best is possible), otherwise they lose trust. It’s not perfect, but it’s a goal. I get that you aren’t a professional translator, but the trust issue applies, so I understand why she’s mad.

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But you aren’t a professional translator, so you could get in trouble - either from the aggressive dude or the teachers - and that’s not ok for her to put you in that situation. I think you did the right thing.. I hope she comes around.

[Reddit User] - You could have said 'You don't want to know what she said, pal' or 'I didn't know she knew words like that.' Without translating exactly.

Usrname52 - NAH (obviously the other kid is, but not you or your sister). Translators are supposed to translate word for word, and I can understand your sister's frustration in not being able to get her point across. But you aren't an official translator. Translating could have gotten both you and your sister in trouble.

If a speaking person started screaming curses at someone in the cafeteria, there'd be consequences, no matter how much the guy deserved it. And, unfortunately, if you translated word for word, you could also possibly get in trouble because you are the one 'saying' the words. I definitely think you and your sister should report his behavior, though. Screaming in someone's ear can cause hearing damage.

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kittabotamous - Soft YTA You were trying to have her back because of impending teacher, & him possibly kicking off again, but you undermined her by softening her words. I’d be angry too, frustrated at not being able to express myself verbally and then having my ‘voice’ (you) decide how to express for me instead of just translating.

It’s well intended but demeaning. I’d feel ‘managed’ and that would impact my trust & wonder how you really felt about me.. Let her express herself. Don’t inadvertently parent her. Hope that makes sense.

It’s a tricky one, truly think you were stuck in a split second and actually either path could’ve caused problems. It’s like when a friend mouths off back at someone and you step in and try to calm things down. She just didn’t get to say her piece & that’s muting her even more than she already is.. The other guy is the real A here.

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[Reddit User] - NAH But you could have said 'She's cussing you out.'

IamtheHarpy - All the N T As haven't spent enough time around anyone from the deaf/HoH community, and this kind of issue is EXACTLY why your sister needs an ACTUAL aid as a translator, not a family member.

godrestsinreason - NAH. I can see both sides. Plus, you translating whatever crazy stuff she said is just going to rope you into whatever drama she was having with him.

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Juliennix - i'm gonna choose a gentle YTA here. your sister could have used your support by translating accurately. you wanted to deescalate, but her thoughts and words matter too. getting in trouble with a teacher doesn't mean a lot of anything in the grand scheme of things.

if you weren't comfortable with those words you could have said 'the amount of swears she is throwing at you are golden, too bad you don't get the privilege of knowing them' or something.

popebologna - NAH. Ultimately it was a good idea to just deescalate and you could’ve gotten yourself in trouble if the teacher heard you swearing at the boy. That being said, I can imagine it’s incredibly frustrating to be in your sister’s shoes. Maybe she should start just giving the kid the finger, that doesn’t need any translation.

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These Redditors bring the heat, but do their suggestions hold up outside the online echo chamber? It’s a question that invites us to reflect on our own choices in sticky situations.

This story isn’t just about a translation gone awry—it’s about the delicate dance of speaking for someone else while honoring their voice. The brother’s quick thinking kept the peace, but at what cost to his sister’s trust? Could a cheeky deflection, like “She’s cussing you out, buddy,” have bridged the gap? What would you do if you had to translate someone’s truth in a tense moment? Drop your thoughts below—let’s keep the conversation signing!

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