AITA for “undermining” my sisters bad parenting?

Picture this: a squad car rolls to a stop, and a weary 26-year-old cop steps out, trading his badge for uncle duties as three teenagers tumble into his home with barely a heads-up. His sister, a self-proclaimed parenting guru, has sent her kids—12, 14, and 16—packing, burdened by a rulebook thicker than a city ordinance. Gluten bans, no naps, zero screens—her demands sound like a drill sergeant’s fever dream!

Our hero, a level-headed cop and EMT, watches these teens flourish without the straitjacket rules, yet faces a storm of angry calls from his sister and her husband. Is he undermining her parenting, or saving the day? Readers, you’ll want to stick around for this family showdown!

‘AITA for “undermining” my sisters bad parenting?’

I'm 26M. I'm a cop in a mid-size city and I'm licensed as an EMT. My wife is a navy vet who works in the nuclear field. We have 3 kids ages 4M, 6F, 8M. My sister is a bit on the crazy side. Her kids are teenagers (12F, 14M & 16M). She insists they all have a bunch of medical & psychological issues.

She doctor shops to try to get diagnosis and medication that aren't necessary. She imposes a lot of odd restrictions on her kids. Whenever she feels like they're misbehaving, she'll send them out here for a week, driving from out of town & dropping them off with very little warning.

I personally haven't seen anything I'd call a behavioral issue, and I'm well informed on the topic. She expects me to enforce all of her weird restrictions which I don't. I'm not into that free range no consequences parenting woo-woo s**t but I don't feel like there's any sort of reason to be restrictive with them.

These restrictions are really helicoptery - no screens, strict diet, no gluten (despite them not having celiac), no exposure to swearing, no sleeping during the day, no playing what she considers to be 'high-impact' sports, 3-4hrs of online school everyday, no roughhousing, etc.

I don't impose those restrictions here. They have relatively healthy behaviors even without prompting. Even without the restrictions they aren't binge watching TV, they eat relatively healthily, they take occasional naps but sleep well at night, they play sports without overexerting, they do short small chunks of school throughout the day w/o getting behind.

They aren't hurting eachother roughhousing and are good with my kids. I swear, my wife swears, we watch TV that has some language, and they don't swear much at all or to any level I'd call excessive or inappropriate.

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Apparently, every time they go home they get interrogated by their mother & her husband on what we did the entire time. Then we inevitably get an angry phone call from them, the husband inevitably calls to talk s**t, tells me I'm undermining their parenting, yet they still send them back.. AITA?

Parenting styles colliding like this can spark real tension, especially when one side leans hard into control. This uncle, a cop and EMT, faces a sister whose rigid rules—no gluten, no sports, no fun—border on obsessive. She’s doctor-shopping for diagnoses, piling on restrictions, yet dumps her kids for a week at a time. He lets them breathe, and they thrive, but the backlash stings.

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Is this a deeper issue? Possibly. “Munchausen by proxy involves a caregiver exaggerating or inducing illness in others for attention,” says Dr. Marc Feldman, a clinical psychiatrist, in a 2021 Healthline article (healthline.com). This sister’s hunt for unneeded meds and control raises red flags. Teens need structure, sure, but overcontrol can backfire, stunting independence and trust, per a 2019 study from the American Psychological Association (apa.org).

Let’s unpack this. The sister’s grip might stem from anxiety or a need for validation, while the uncle’s relaxed approach offers a safe haven. Both sides want the best, but her interrogations and his defiance fuel the fire. A touch of irony: she complains, yet keeps sending them back!

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For solutions, communication is key. The uncle could set clear boundaries: “I’ll host, but my house, my rules.” If concerns like Munchausen by proxy persist, a gentle nudge toward family counseling—perhaps via a resource like Psychology Today (psychologytoday.com)—could help. Neutral, open dialogue might ease this tug-of-war.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and humorous, as always! The crowd weighs in on this parenting pickle, and the vibes are spicy. Check out the chatter:

Throwrabbitmunch − INFO: If she disagrees, why does she keep sending them back?

phat-braincell − lol if she’s so upset about it then she can stop sending her kids to you! i wonder if her kids misbehave on purpose to get away from her crazy ass. nta!

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Pocket-or-Penny − INFO: For a WEEK? What? Why do you even say yes to this? On a side note, I bet the kids enjoy their stay. So there's a positive to be found in all this.

whyamisoawesome9 − NTA. Your sister and her partner needs to do some parenting classes or something.....

rmcgowan90 − NTA - If she has a problem with your parenting techniques then she needs to stop dumping her kids on you. She has a responsibility to raise her children correctly even through the most difficult of situations. You can’t just send your child away when you feel you can’t deal with them, that teaches them nothing and also you don’t learn how to overcome said issues....

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I think parenting and being raised by a parent is a continual learning curve on both sides, you teach them morals and the correct behaviour whilst learning yourself how to deal with situations and your child’s needs.. Remind her of that the next time she has an issue!

[Reddit User] − 'Sis, if you dump your kids at our house then they'll follow our rules, which aren't your rules. If you don't like it, don't dump them here. If you want free childcare, then quit complaining.'. NTA.

marxisttwat − NTA but you should look into munchausen by proxy bcos it sounds like your sister has it

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Jamie_XXX − NTA. This is a repeated event and she continues to leave them there for a free week of childcare so she can do whatever?

em-dot − NTA Next time when they say 'We're 15 minutes away' say 'Okay i would love to have them, but just like the last times I've had them, when they're here we go by my rules. If that's not okay then you should turn around'. Please keep letting them stay tho, poor kids would love the break.

drbarnowl − NTA. Your sister is nuts and a terrible mom. I would stop answering the phone. Those poor kids. I bet they wish they could live with you full time.

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These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Maybe the teens are the real winners, sneaking a break from the rulebook!

In this wild family saga, a cop-turned-uncle bends the rules to give his sister’s teens a taste of freedom, only to face her wrath. He’s got the skills—cop, EMT, dad of three—yet her helicopter style clashes with his chill vibe. The kids shine, but the drama lingers. Is he the hero, or overstepping? One thing’s clear: family ties and parenting styles make for a messy, hilarious ride! What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Drop your thoughts below—let’s chat!

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