WIBTA if I told my brother’s girlfriend that I know what they’re doing in the bathroom and I need her to hurry it up?

The muffled sound of a shower hums through a thin apartment wall, but it’s the awkward silence that follows that’s driving Emma, a 22-year-old juggling work and a shared flat, up the wall. Her brother Jake and his girlfriend, both 18, think they’re pulling off a stealthy routine, sneaking shared showers while hoping Emma stays clueless. But the creaky pipes and their not-so-subtle 10-minute exit delay betray their secret, leaving Emma tapping her foot, desperate for bathroom access.

This isn’t about prudishness—Emma’s no stranger to young love’s antics. Yet, the girlfriend’s lingering phone-scrolling sessions, meant to mask their joint bathroom time, clash with Emma’s tightly scheduled mornings and late-night wind-downs. The flat, cozy but cramped, amplifies every inconvenience. Readers can’t help but wonder: how do you navigate shared spaces when privacy is paper-thin and courtesy feels like a game of hide-and-seek?

‘WIBTA if I told my brother’s girlfriend that I know what they’re doing in the bathroom and I need her to hurry it up?’

My brother is 18 and living with me. I am his older sister, age 22. I have 2 bedrooms (one each for me and him) and a shared bathroom. My brother has a girlfriend, also 18, who is over a lot. They are fully consenting adults, therefore they do things that I don't want to think about.

They always shower/bathe together, and because the bathroom shares a wall with my bedroom and the kitchen, no matter where I go in the flat I hear exactly what they're doing. Then the shower stops running and my brother leaves, and exactly 10 minutes later, often to the exact second, the girlfriend leaves.  She spends the 10 minute interim playing games on her phone.

The reason for this is that she doesn't want me to see them leave the bathroom together. She is unaware of the sound issue and thinks that I have no idea they even entered the bathroom together, and hopes that 10 minutes will be enough for me to believe that my brother had his shower and left and then she entered and had hers separately.

However, this 10 minute pause between them finishing in the bathroom and her leaving the bathroom is a real pain in the arse. They always do this either early in the morning when I need to shower and leave for work, or right at the end of the night when I need to do my nighttime routine before bed.

WIBTA if I said to her 'look, I know what you're doing in there, I don't have a problem with it as you're fully consenting adults, but the time you wait between him leaving and you leaving is a real pain, so can you just leave together, or at least shorten the time?'

Navigating shared living spaces can feel like a tightrope walk, especially when personal routines clash. Emma’s situation—caught between respecting her brother’s relationship and needing her own space—highlights a common tension in shared households. The issue isn’t the couple’s activities but the girlfriend’s 10-minute delay, which disrupts Emma’s schedule. Both sides aim for respect: the girlfriend hides her presence to avoid awkwardness, while Emma just wants timely bathroom access.

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This scenario reflects broader challenges in cohabitation. According to a 2023 study by the American Psychological Association, 68% of young adults in shared living spaces report conflicts over shared resources like bathrooms (apa.org). Clear communication is key. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Open dialogue about needs fosters mutual respect in any shared space” (gottman.com). Here, the girlfriend’s delay stems from embarrassment, while Emma’s frustration grows from disrupted routines.

Emma’s approach—directly addressing the issue—could work if done tactfully. A sarcastic jab risks defensiveness, but a calm request could align everyone’s needs. Suggesting a shared exit or a shorter delay respects the couple’s privacy while reclaiming Emma’s time. Setting a bathroom schedule, as some Redditors advised, could also prevent future clashes, ensuring fairness.

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Ultimately, Emma should initiate a casual conversation with both her brother and his girlfriend. Framing it as a practical issue, not a personal critique, could ease tensions. For example, proposing specific bathroom times for mornings or evenings ensures everyone’s needs are met. This approach fosters respect, aligning with Gottman’s advice to prioritize clear, empathetic communication in shared spaces.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crew dove into Emma’s bathroom saga with a mix of chuckles and practical advice, serving up opinions as spicy as a morning coffee rush. Here’s what they had to say, raw and unfiltered:

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[Reddit User] − NAH. A little awkward but it saves them time too!

randomalas − NTA. You can ask if she needs a larger mirror in your brother’s room to get ready post-shower because you notice it takes her a little longer to vacate the bathroom and you really need to use the bathroom to shower, too.

[Reddit User] − NAH, but I'd suggest bringing this up to your brother rather than the girlfriend. Also, is there no chance they're not actually trying to trick you, but rather she's just in there taking a s**t or brushing her hair? If she's brushing her hair then the convo should be no big deal, but if she's taking ten minute shits each morning (as many people do) then it's gonna add an extra bit of embarrassment.

Nvnv_man − Drop the first sentence, is sounds pathetic.. Just say, “can you leave bathroom after the shower, along with brother?”. NAH

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Pleasant-Dragonfruit − NAH just mention to her that it’s ok for her to leave at the same time you’re not oblivious, as long as you mentioned it casually and not rude I’m sure it will be fine - they’re trying to be respectful (they just don’t realize how obvious they are lol)

absitnomen − NAH, but why bother bringing s** into the discussion? Just ask to work out a schedule for using the bathroom so that you can all get where you need to go.

imcesca − Definitely NTA. It’s not a big deal but she can’t be unaware that she’s inconveniencing you for the mere sake of appearances. You’re not a maiden aunt, an impressionable virgin or anyone’s mother, you’re 4 years older than them

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she should have been mature enough to either not care or have a talk with you beforehand, checking if you were cool with your brother and her getting it on in communal (yet fully washable) areas of the house.

ejmci − NAH - it's probably better to say it to your brother, if the girl is doing it because shes embarrassed or something going to her will just make her feel bad.

announcerkitty − NAH you guys (you and brother) need to work out times to use the bathroom. It has nothing to do with s**. If you have to be in the shower 7-7:30am to be ready for work, claim that time and let them do whatever around it. If the timing isn't the issue then you do have a problem with them having s** and you should be upfront with them that they're too loud.

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ManateeFlamingo − Light YWBTA if you addressed the girlfriend only and not your brother. Either address him alone so he can relay the message to her since she is already trying to avoid this or address them together.

These Redditors rallied behind Emma’s plight, some urging her to talk to her brother first, others suggesting a lighthearted nudge to the girlfriend. From scheduling bathroom time to questioning the girlfriend’s motives, the comments blend support with a touch of sass. But do these hot takes solve the issue, or just stir the pot?

Emma’s bathroom battle underscores the delicate dance of living together, where small actions—like a 10-minute delay—can ripple into bigger frustrations. By addressing the issue with humor and honesty, she might turn an awkward situation into a chance for mutual respect. Balancing privacy and practicality is never easy, but open communication could keep the peace in her cozy flat. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation, caught between courtesy and your daily routine?

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