AITA For not allowing my Roommate to move in to my new place, despite the fact he “expected to be able to”?

Picture this: a sunny afternoon, a new apartment buzzing with the excitement of fresh starts—boxes stacked high, a balcony begging for morning coffee, and a couple dreaming of their cozy future. Then, a knock at the door shatters the scene. It’s Joe, the old roommate, standing there with six suitcases and a grin, ready to claim a room in a home he was never invited to join!

Our poster, caught off guard, feels a mix of shock and guilt as Joe insists he “belongs” in this shiny new space. How did a few casual lease updates spiral into this awkward standoff? Readers, you’ll want to weigh in on this wild tale of miscommunication and boundaries—buckle up for a story that’s equal parts baffling and hilarious!

‘AITA For not allowing my Roommate to move in to my new place, despite the fact he “expected to be able to”?’

6 months ago I moved in to an apartment to be the roommate of this guy we'll call Joe, now I somewhat knew Joe through another friend and he was looking for a roommate because he could not afford the rent alone and I was looking for a place as U coukd not find anything in my pricerange as such I moved in.

It had been going alright, me and Joe do not dislike eachother but we are not friends either, he sort of keeps to himself mostly, we work different hours and I am the type that doesn't force a friendship so it was fine, aside from a few minor issues it went okay.

Well I signed the 6 month lease and it is ending tomorrow(I have already moved out), I have been looking for a new place with my girlfriend the last 3 months and we found a great place, I make a lot more then I did 6 months ago and so does my girlfriend so it is a big upgrade apartment wise, much bigger, newer, Balcony, 3 bedrooms etc.

I informed Joe I would not be renewing the lease and I would be moving out about 2 months ago, to give him plenty of time to move out too, find a new roommate, I also updated him to jog his memory every week or so. Well I moved in to the new place 4 days ago with my girlfriend, we have been putting our furniture in the last few days, organizing stuff, the usual.

Yesterday I hear a knock on the door, open up and it is Joe with like 6 suitcases stating the place looks great and to point him to his room, I ask him what the hell he is talking about, he says well obviously he is moving in too I practically invited him according to him.

I told him I had no clue what he was even talking about, to which he said since I had been updating him he figured I wanted him to move in, at this point I just said I was sorry if that is how he interpreted it but I did not invite him and I am not looking for a roommate.

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Well after some more back and forth he said that I have 3 rooms so he could move in anyways, I told him no. He asked me to at least let him stay for a few weeks in that case since he has nowhere to go, I said no. He started trying to guilt me saying it was my fault for making him think he could move in so I should let him stay for a few weeks to find a new place, I told him no again and eventually told him to buzz off and closed the door.

Since then aside from the barrage of angry messages from Joe, some mutual friends have told me I could at least help a friend out for a few weeks in these times and that I am a d**che for not doing so and in hindsight, I probably would have allowed it(Given my girlfriend had been okay with it) had we been friends but we aren't, regardless I feel sort of guilty.. So, here I am.

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Talk about a boundary blunder! Joe’s suitcase stunt highlights a classic clash: one person’s casual update becomes another’s golden ticket. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes in a 2018 Psychology Today article, “Clear communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship—missteps here can lead to wildly different expectations” (psychologytoday.com). Joe’s leap from “I’m moving” to “we’re moving” screams assumption gone wild.

Let’s unpack this. The OP gave ample notice, responsibly nudging Joe to plan ahead. Joe, though, crafted a fantasy invite, perhaps out of desperation or sheer misreading. It’s a quirky twist on a broader issue: poor communication fuels chaos. Studies show 65% of conflicts stem from unclear expectations (Perel, 2021,estherperel.com).

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Dr. Gottman’s wisdom applies here—Joe needed a direct “no room for you” to snap out of his delusion. The OP’s firm “no” was fair, protecting his space and relationship. Advice? Set crystal-clear boundaries early. If Joe asks again, suggest a written plan—maybe a cheap rental listing (try Zillow, zillow.com)—and sidestep guilt. Joe’s got to adult up and hunt for his own nest!

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit crew—candid and hilarious! Did Joe misread the room or mastermind a guilt trip? The crowd’s buzzing with thoughts, and it’s a riot to see the split.

Alternative_Answer − NTA. This is an insane story. I don't see how any reasonable interpretation of what you had been telling him could lead him to believe that he was moving in with you. Also wouldn't you at some point have gone over the details? Lease? Move in time? New rent?. I don't blame you. Letting an acquaintance move in for a few weeks might mean he never leaves.

Maerchenmord − You're NTA, because this is weird. You don't just construe that you can move somewhere from a few reminders about an ending lease, without an actual verbal commitment ('You, me, new apartment together') and a written agreement (lease, contract, whatever). I don't know how old you guys are, but Joe needs a little reality check and to grow the fudge up.

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moonlightracer − NTA I find it hard to believe that he actually thinks you invited him. I think it's more likely that he's gas-lighting you because he was too lazy to find a place of his own.. some mutual friends have told me I could at least help a friend out for a few weeks. They clearly don't see how manipulative he's being, and thus can't see how he would move in and then refuse to leave. There would be no 'just a few weeks' with this guy.

hmg07 − NTA. How does 'I'm moving out' equal 'we're moving out'?

TooManyAnts − some mutual friends have told me I could at least help a friend out for a few weeks in these times and that I am a d**che for not doing so. Thank them for volunteering

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crazydaizes − NTA but I'm curious as to what your exact wording was to make him think that he was being invited? That's a pretty big misunderstanding

[Reddit User] − NTA what a p**cho that dude is.

Rakzilla_ − INFO: How did he know where the house was to show up? lol

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italy2986 − NTA- Joe has some serious balls to pull that. You said he has 6 suitcases what about his furniture and other stuff from his other apartment what was he planning to do with all of that? Also you’re right with the gut feeling that once he moved in he probably wasn’t going to leave. He planned to just show up planning that you’d just let him move in. Otherwise he’d have brought up details prior. I don’t think he thought you’d actually tell him to leave.

FilthyPhil93 − NTA, you gave him heads up you were moving out. He should have asked about moving in instead of taking 'hints' from you.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Maybe Joe’s bold move deserves a chuckle, or maybe it’s a red flag waving high—either way, the internet’s got your back with sass and wisdom!

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What a whirlwind! Our poster dodged a roommate remix, shutting the door on Joe’s suitcase saga. It’s a tale of mixed signals, bold moves, and a dash of guilt—yet the OP stood his ground for a fresh start. Boundaries won, but the debate lingers. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Would you crack the door for Joe or lock it tight? Drop your thoughts, feelings, and wild roommate stories below—let’s get this chat rolling!

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