AITA for telling my daughter I will not be walking her down the isle unless she invites her siblings and their families to her wedding?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A winter wedding glows with promise—twinkling lights, heartfelt vows, and a proud father guiding his daughter down the aisle. Yet, for this 56-year-old dad, joy turned to disbelief when he found Casey, 26, barred her siblings Alex and Tom from her big day to suit her fiancé Max’s traditional kin, even as he funds most of the celebration.

Shock hit hard at a family gathering, with Alex and Tom missing invites while others held theirs. Casey, once a cheerleader for her non-binary and gay siblings, now bends to her in-laws’ views, leaving her dad torn between his wallet and his heart. A storm brews in this close clan, and the tension’s palpable.

‘AITA for telling my daughter I will not be walking her down the isle unless she invites her siblings and their families to her wedding?’

I (56m) have 5 children. This is about 3 of them Casey (26f), Alex (31nb) and Tom (34m). The names are not their true names. My daughter Casey is getting married this winter to her fiancé Max (27m)who she has been together with for about 4 years.

I am covering the majority of the wedding expenses as Max's family lives in a different country and with the currency exchange rate they won't be able to afford the wedding and both to come to the wedding. I have no issues with it and just want my little girl to be happy.

Last week while Casey was away, my children Alex and Tom came to visit with their families and we were talking about wedding invitations. I was surprised to hear that they haven't received their wedding invitations,

so I just thought that Casey haven't sent them out yet for everyone, until my oldest and youngest daughter's pointed out they have received their invitations with their kids and partners invited. I called my sister who also said Casey has invited their whole family to the wedding too and she received hers a while back, so I immediately saw red.

Both Alex and Tom have husbands and have children (adopted) and it seemed Casey has excluded them because of their choices. It also seemed weird since Casey has always been close to them and supported them when they came out as non binary and gay respectively.

I have called Casey and demanded an explanation. My daughter said that Max and his family don't feel comfortable with couples that are not traditional and it goes against their culture and that she hopes for my understanding.

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I have told her if that's the case I will not be walking her down the isle and pull out from paying for her wedding, as she can not exclude her family like this when they did nothing wrong and if her future in laws opinion is so important to her, they can pay for the wedding.

As a result Casey has called me an a**hole and hanged up crying. My children are on my side, my wife is torn as she understands where Casey comes from but agrees she shouldn't have excluded her siblings like this.

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This family clash simmers with loyalty and tough choices. Casey’s move to sideline Alex and Tom bows to Max’s family’s discomfort with non-traditional lives, clashing with her dad’s fierce love for all five kids. He’s stunned, funding a day that excludes his own.

Step back, and it’s a slice of a bigger pie. A 2021 Pew Research Center study shows 40% of U.S. adults have kin in non-traditional bonds, yet cultural rifts linger. Casey’s caught, aiming to please her new family, while her dad guards the old.

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Dr. John Gottman, a relationship sage, says, “In family conflicts, the goal isn’t to win but to understand—empathy turns gridlock into dialogue”. Here, Casey’s juggling pressures, and her dad’s stance—nixing the aisle walk—nods wryly at fairness over frills.

A fix starts with talk. Casey might voice her bind, her dad his devotion. Invite all, let guests choose, and keep the day warm, not wary. Family wins with give-and-take and a sprinkle of grace.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s hive buzzes strong for the dad. They see Casey’s exclusion as a shaky bow to bias, unfit for a family-backed bash, and salute his stand for Alex and Tom’s crews. A wry twist shines through Casey’s courting distant in-laws while snubbing close kin. The crowd bets on inclusion, leaving Max’s folks to opt out if they must. Support lands firm with Dad.

crockofpot − NTA. Casey can be bigoted on her own dime. I would *never* put my money into an event that discriminated against two of my kids like this. I also think it's pretty scummy that she didn't even have the guts to tell Alex and Tom they were being excluded.

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krankykitty − NTA It wouldn’t just be the wedding. If the in-laws are this “uncomfortable,” then Alex and Tom would be excluded from every family event Casey hosts. Holidays, if she wants to host a holiday. All birthday parties, if she has kids. Any and all other events surrounding any kids they might have—sports, graduations, ballet recitals.

If Casey gives into this demand, she is effectively cutting off her own brothers. It won’t be every event, as the in-laws live in another country, but it will be at least some of them.. Why not invite everyone

Inform everyone of who is coming, and let the “uncomfortable” ones stay home?. It goes against your culture to exclude family. members from family events. Casey and her fiancé have to make some tough decisions here.

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[Reddit User] − NTA and convince your confused wife to support you in your decision. Do not forgive her, how dare she exclude her own family from the wedding in favour of the laws?

allie06nd − I was fully prepared to deliver a Y T A based on the title, but the reason they're not invited is heartbreaking and terrible. You should not foot the bill for a party that celebrates a union of your family and Max's if they don't accept your *entire* family.

You're right that if they think they're entitled to dictate which members of Casey's family are allowed to attend, they're the ones who should pay for it. Also, how terrible that Casey feels pressured to make a 'good impression'

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on them when they obviously don't feel the need to extend the same courtesy in return. Good for you for standing up for your kids and their families. They're lucky to have a father who supports them and advocates for them. NTA all the way.

suchredditmuchvotes − NTA.. She's being bigoted and hateful to your other children, so she can pay for her own wedding.

StopStealingCats − NTA...I wouldn't go, if it was my daughter excluding family based on that s**t

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Mishy162 − NTA. By condoning the bigotry of her fiance and his family your daughter is also a bigot herself. Don't back down, she is making her choice, you need to make your choice, you cannot support her behaviour

paying for the wedding and attending it would also mean you are accepting it, condoning it. In this case you need to stand up for your other children. If you give her a pass on this now, what other occasions are your children going to be excluded from.

5footfilly − I’m assuming your wife is the mother of your sons and therefore the mother of gay children. Someone smarter than me will have to explain- slowly- how a mother can be “torn” because she can “understand” why her children are being excluded.

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As the mother of a gay son, I’m torn between deciding which is the bigger a**hole. The sister or the mother. I know for a fact that homophobia is an absolute deal breaker for my straight children, so we wouldn’t be in your position, but if we were, I’d do exactly what you’re doing.

Pull the funding and very carefully explain to the offending child why and how she was a bitter disappointment. I’d throw the offending spouse, who would allow their sons to be marginalized and discriminated against out on their ass.. NTA.

chonkosaurusrexx − NTA So, where will this end? If Casey and Max have kids, will Alex and Tom have to stay away then too? If Casey and Max host any holidays, will Alex and Tom not be invited? Can Casey still come to family gatherings where Alex and Tom will be, or will she have to stay away to make Max and his family happy?

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Casey cant really win this and keep both her future marriage and family intact at the same time, if Max and his family puts their foot down about their bigotry, and it seems like she is siding with the bigots (for now at least).

RemoteBroccoli − NTA. Bigotry and exclusion of queer people comes with a price.. In your case, pull away the cash that you can get back, and have her understand, that '*These are all my kids, my blood, my family.

If it makes you uncomfortable that they exist, or that they have partners of the same s**, how are you to have my blessing and honor, when you cant give your blessing and love?*'. I'm sorry your daughter is a bigot OP.

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This tale twists love, duty, and family fractures into a vivid knot. A 56-year-old dad halts his aisle walk and funds, pressing Casey to embrace Alex and Tom at her wedding. She sways to her in-laws, he shields his clan. It’s raw and real. Share your thoughts, feelings, or own stories. What would you do if this family clash landed at your feet?

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