AITA for getting upset about bridal shower gifts?

Jonathan Hours
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Picture a bridal shower buzzing with laughter, ribbons, and gift bags piled high. The bride-to-be, fresh from California, smiles as she unwraps fragile china and wine flutes—only to realize these treasures can’t fly home with her. Despite her clear request to have gifts shipped to her West Coast address, 40 guests brought them in person, leaving her with a logistical nightmare and a mother tasked with returns.

This Reddit story is a fizzy mix of celebration, frustration, and etiquette gone awry. Was the bride wrong to expect her shipping request to be honored, or did guests prioritize their own joy over her practical needs? It’s a tale that unwraps the messy layers of gift-giving traditions and modern wedding woes.

‘AITA for getting upset about bridal shower gifts?’

This Reddit post dives into a bride’s dismay over a shower that left her stressed instead of celebrated. Here’s her story, raw and unboxed:

I just had my bridal shower near where my family lives on the East Coast. My fiancé and I live all the way in California, and prior to my bridal shower requested that any gift purchased (with the exception of cash) be sent to our address in CA.

Our registry contained all sorts of things, many of which are fragile like china, wine flutes, etc… it seemed like a no-brainer to politely ask if people could have their gifts shipped to us to avoid the hassle of opening things and then having to pack them back up and ship them to the literal other side of the country. I even suggested that people wrap up a picture of the gift so I could open that instead.

Well, the day came and I’d noticed I’d barely received any gifts at my house. I figured maybe a lot of people just decided to give cash? Nope. Most people (40 guests total) decided to bring their gifts and had me open them in person. I was so upset, I wanted to cry.

The whole time I was thinking I had 2 options: either ship all of these fragile gifts back to CA, or return them all and then buy them again and send them to my address. The thing is, my flight left to go back home the day after my shower, so now I’m stuck waiting on my mother to return everything for me.

She said it’s hundreds of dollars to ship everything, so she’s just going to return it all to the companies they came from and then I can re-buy EVERYTHING. But She’s not one to hustle with things that aren’t about her, and told me she’ll get around to it eventually. She mentioned I was overreacting about this and that people just want to see me open stuff.

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It just sucked to feel like people just wanted to see their actual gift get opened at my shower and didn’t care how inconvenient it really was for me. I’m going to have to wait months to actually get to enjoy this stuff/purchase all the gifts over again with all of the store credit.. AITA for wanting people to send their shower gifts directly to me?

Edit: this was an online registry on Zola where you can program your address into it for people to make it easier. All of these people changed my address to theirs. There was also info about why we asked for things to be shipped on our website. THIS WAS NOT A REGISTRY WHERE PEOPLE HAD TO BUY SOMETHING AT A STORE AND THEN SHIP IT ON THEIR OWN.
This bridal shower snafu is a clash of tradition and practicality. The bride’s request to ship gifts, facilitated by a Zola registry and explained on her wedding website, was reasonable given the fragility of items and cross-country distance. Yet, guests’ choice to bring gifts in person reflects a cultural norm of watching presents being opened, ignoring her logistical plea.

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Etiquette expert Elaine Swann notes, “Gift-giving should prioritize the recipient’s convenience, especially when specific requests are made” (Source). A 2023 survey by The Knot found that 82% of couples prefer online registries for out-of-state events to avoid shipping hassles (Source). The guests’ actions, while not malicious, dismissed the bride’s needs, and her mother’s delay in returns adds to the strain.

The bride’s frustration is valid, but venting publicly risks seeming ungrateful. “Express gratitude first, then address issues privately,” Swann advises. She could thank guests while gently explaining the shipping issue to avoid future repeats. A follow-up with her mother to expedite returns might ease the wait.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit unwrapped a slew of opinions, as varied as a gift table. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

jc1691 − NAH. I don’t understand these comments at ALL. I don’t think the guests are AH either cause they probably weren’t thinking too much about the shipping, OR they all individually thought “well if one person brings a gift that’s not a big deal” but then they all did it.

ElleBeaBishop − NTA whatsoever. Some of these people don’t understand east coast traditions, and since you said to ship them to you in Cali, it was rude of people to bring them in person. A similar thing happened at my wedding and just ugh it was a hassle.

Chimples10 − NTA. And I don't at all agree with 'they want to see you open it' speal. Getting someone a gift is about doing a kindness for the other person. It shouldn't be about the gift giver.

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And you gave them a super creative out (wrap a picture) that would have produced the same effect anyway. This whole situation would have given me serious anxiety and I would have felt completely disrespected. The occasion was for you and about you... your wishes should have been honored.

tiredandshort − Going against the grain and saying NTA because I live away from my hometown too and I totally get this struggle. The number of times I’ve been given gifts like lotion or whatever in bottles way too big to bring on the plans.

It really is a massive pain and gifts shouldn’t cause an inconvenience to the receiver because then it isn’t a gift, it’s a chore. Also, it’s kind of nuts to me that so many people are calling you ungrateful. How many times have all of you guys been ungrateful for a gift you didn’t like because you knew it wasn’t your taste so you would never use it?? This is basically the same thing.

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Celtic_Dragonfly17 − NTA….everyone on here saying you are, surprise me!!! You made this easy and they wanted their own gratification over logic. If you ever have a child, DO NOT have a shower with them. They can come to you or wait for photos.

No one is understanding the logistical nightmare this is for you. You made a process super easy and no one cared. They just wanted to see their gift opened and ignored that you lived on the other coast.

dumbasstupidbaby − NTA? Idk why everyone is saying A???? YOU LITERALLY CANNOT TAKE THEM HOME WITHOUT SPENDING HUNDREDS MORE WHICH COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED IF PEOPLE JUST MAILED IT LIKE YOU ASKED?!?! AND EVEN THEN IT'S NOT GUARANTEED TO MAKE IT BACK IN ONE PIECE- so you could spend what, $600, to send broken glass across the country?!?

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This is the adult world, you're supposed to listen to one another, not just do what's easiest for you (meaning the guests). And now you flew to the east coast too have a stressful party and now everyone is upset you can't carry porcelain on your lap on a plane back home.

I'm sorry but Reddit is being ridiculous. YOU ARE NOT AN A**HOLE FOR BEING STRESSED ABOUT SHIPPING HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS OF GIFTS THAT YOU ASKED PEOPLE TO SHIP SUPER CHEAPLY BEFORE HAND.

AussieBelgian − I can’t believe the amount of grief OP is getting. I would’ve done the exact same.. NTA.

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MadameAshlini − Why is everyone calling you an a**hole? You said before the shower that if anyone wanted to get you something (not required!) you asked them to have it shipped and it seems like nobody listened. If I was invited to a shower and the bride asked that any gift be shipped because she lived out of state, I would either gift cash/gift card or ship the damn gift. NTA!!

hEYiTSbEEEE − I cannot believe how many people think you're the AH here. I'm going to be in the small minority that understands how frustrating and financially impossible it would be to remedy this situation. I do think that the shipping option would have needed to be a bit more explicit though. Not just mentioned on the website. Because people just aren't going to pay attention to those types of details.

[Reddit User] − NTA for the frustration. Everyone is parroting that it’s about you opening gifts in front of them, making the entire gift and pleasure of giving it about themselves, not you being able to access & utilize them, & that wishing for a different outcome is entitled.

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The way they ignored your request made a situation where you can’t use what was given to you without great expense. Yeah, no one owes you anything. That said, this is the equivalent of gifting you a wreath of cash then setting fire to it in your honor. So pretty!!! And wasteful to both parties.

To save yourself more irritation in the future, go forward with the fact that any request or instruction that is a step or two extra, whether it’s a personal or business matter-people will not read nor heed it. Grit a smile, say thanks and just understand this to avoid tearing your hair out or venting on reddit.

These Reddit takes are as lively as a shower toast, but do they miss the balance between tradition and modern convenience?

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This story is a sparkly blend of joy, stress, and unmet expectations. The bride’s shipping request aimed to simplify, but guests’ traditional approach left her juggling logistics. Could clearer communication or a compromise, like opening a few symbolic gifts, have saved the day? What would you do if your event plans were sidelined by others’ preferences? Share your thoughts—have you ever faced a gift-giving mishap that stole the celebration’s shine?

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