AITA For Getting Mad At A Guy For Gatekeeping Autism?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture this: a bustling college classroom, notebooks strewn across desks, and the faint hum of stress as a group project deadline looms. One student, our protagonist, dives into a heated debate that’s less about page counts and more about fairness, ability, and identity. Tensions flare when a teammate casually dismisses another’s potential, chalking it up to a presumed autism diagnosis. The air thickens with frustration as our lead, quietly navigating their own high-functioning autism, feels the sting of judgment and leaps to defend both themselves and their classmate.

The stakes? A 10-page research paper, divvied up among four undergrads, where assumptions threaten to derail teamwork. Readers, you’ll feel the pulse of this clash—outrage at bias, worry for a peer’s dignity, and the burning question: was the comeback too sharp? Buckle up for a tale of college chaos, where personal truths and group dynamics collide in a whirlwind of emotion.

‘AITA For Getting Mad At A Guy For Gatekeeping Autism?’

So I'm in this group for a research project in an undergrad class. After class we got to talking about who's doing what, how much pages we're all gonna do (it's a 10 pager, so we all took on the responsibility of 3, and I took on the extra paper). Dialogue goes like this:

'Well I don't think X would do a good job of doing the paper and I think we may need to do his part'. Me: Why?. Him: 'Well, I think he has autism or something'. Me: 'I'm sorry, but I don't think that's an excuse for us to do his share of the work.'. Him: 'Why wouldn't it be an excuse?'

Me: 'Well, if he's functioning enough to participate, attend, and take notes in this class, then he should be functioning enough that he could do his own work. If he can't, we definitely need to let the professor know (not only because that's what she said to do,

but because we either need to arrange a way to get this thing done or maybe it just needs to be the 3 of us and the other guy could do a different assignment or something)'. Him: What do you know anyway? You don't have--. So I cut him off and said that I do. And I *truly* do.

I'm just really high on the spectrum, plus I was diagnosed really late as an adult so you won't see or notice any of my little quirks unless you hang out with me for a while and they start to 'push through'. I think the most that the public would see from me would be me reacting to a sensory issue or stimming.

The other guy on the other hand, you can definitely notice that he's nuerogivergent. Speaks to himself loudly, have laughing outbursts at really inappropriate times in class, etc. I wasn't trying to make this into a debate or anything on who has the worse autism or what autism is, but I just felt like it shouldn't be an excuse.. Nbd I thought until he quickly and bluntly said:.

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'You don't have autism. You *don't* have autism. Who diagnosed you? What did they say??' So I told him, 'Mind your f**king business. It's called a spectrum disorder for a reason, and I don't have to tell you *jackshit* about my diagnoses. Anyway I'll be willing to HELP him with his part as long as he asks in a timely manner.

But I definitely would NOT be doing someone else's work for them'. He was obviously taken aback, so I just continued, 'Look, if you and the other guy wanna do his part, then totally fine by me. Not my business I have like 2 other big projects to do for this semester, so I don't have time for it.

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I just need you to promise that you would do what you say you would do because I don't want it to be a situation where y'all are way too swamped later in the year and we don't have our stuff ready'.. And I left it at that. But the people who I spoke to about it said that I was too 'harsh' and that telling him to mhofb is an 'a**hole move', but was it really?

Group projects can be a pressure cooker, and this one’s boiling over with assumptions and clashing perspectives. Our protagonist, tasked with an extra page of a 10-page paper, faces a teammate’s snap judgment: a quieter classmate, showing visible neurodivergent traits, is deemed unfit for the task. The OP, high-functioning and autistic, fires back, rejecting the excuse and defending equal contribution. The accuser’s response? A nosy, invalidating probe into the OP’s own diagnosis—yikes, talk about missing the mark!

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This spat highlights a broader issue: ableism in academic spaces. Studies show 1 in 44 college students may be on the autism spectrum (CDC), yet stereotypes persist. The teammate’s assumption reeks of patronizing bias, ignoring the classmate’s proven ability to attend and engage. Meanwhile, the OP’s frustration is valid—gatekeeping autism dismisses the spectrum’s diversity.

Dr. Temple Grandin, a renowned autistic scholar, notes, “The autistic brain is different, not less” (autism.org). Her words underscore that capability varies widely—our classmate might excel with the right support, not exclusion. The OP’s stance aligns here, pushing for fairness over pity.

For solutions, communication is key. The OP wisely suggests helping if asked, while urging the professor’s involvement per class rules. Teammates should chat directly with the classmate—respectfully—about workload needs. Universities often offer disability services; a quick check could balance the scales. Neutral ground? Everyone pulls their weight, or adjustments are made officially—no amateur diagnosis required!

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s hive mind weighed in, and the takes are spicy—candid, heartfelt, and a little cheeky! Here’s what the community had to say about this classroom drama:

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[Reddit User] − NTA Woman with autism here. I get gatekeeper treatment all the time for being HFA, despite the fact women have been shown to be better at mirroring leading to underdiagnosis. Good for you for educating!

[Reddit User] − NTA. It's super gross to me that the guy would automatically jump to 'we need to do his work for him he's not capable' instead of 'Hey man, are you good with your portion of the project?'

milkymilkchan − NTA You have every right to explain yourself to this guy. It's a group project and EVERYONE has to participate. If someone cannot participate then it needs to be discussed with your professor. That guy is being incredibly rude because obviously your classmate got to the same level you guys did, so it's very likely he is just as capable as the two of you.

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buffalojohnson22322 − Who diagnosed you? What did they say?. .............what? Obviously he has no right to ask an invasive question, we all know that. But I need to know, what exactly was he hoping to gain from this?

I get that he was scrambling to undermine you and save face but dude, what even would he have done if you *had* answered him? Was he gonna whip out his phone to google your doctor's credentials and compare their commentary to the DSM5? Jeez.. NTA.

advancedtaran − Nta. Women on the spectrum are constantly gatekept that they don't truly have autism all the time. Also it's incredibly ableist and patronizing of him to decide without consulting your other work partner can't contribute meaningfully to your assignment just because he's autistic.. Talk to your professor and talk to your other partner on what he wants to do with the project.

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honeytummy − NTA. Your answer was perfect, it's a *spectrum* disorder, not every person with autism is going to be the same. People are way too f**king sensitive when they are told to mind their business, it's the feeling of being put on spot and shamed for being nosy is what I think makes people so defensive over the term 'MYFB'.

Everyone can be nosy, to a certain degree, but when they are trying to prod themselves into very personal topics, like your diagnoses and history surrounding your disorder, then you deserve to firmly put someone in their place.

novaonthespectrum − NTA. As an autistic woman I hate people like that guy.

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LadyWhiskers − NTA. I’m an autistic woman as well and it f**king sucks having to it explain to people. And you are right, if this guy is autistic and functions cognitively well enough to go to uni, I don’t see why he shouldn’t be able to do a bit of a group project. Side note - it’s interesting he assumed the other guy is autistic instead of having Tourette’s or another disorder that creates tics.

D3LTA63 − NTA i have autism too and i personally think that the only a-hole move here is saying that OP doesn't have autism my autism you don't really notice until you spend like crazy amounts of time with me. because of this a lot of people think i don't have autism.

but for anyone who doest have autism for me there is nothing worse than people being stupid saying you don't have autism and s**t. about 80% of them doesnt even know what it really means. you don't alqays see it.. soo don't te someone they don't have autism if you don't know what ur talking about.

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looc64 − NTA. So wait, did X even say anything about not being able to do the paper? Because it sounds like this dude just assumed X would do a s**tty job because he's autistic.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Maybe the crowd’s got a point, or maybe they’re just fanning the flames—either way, the popcorn’s popping!

What a rollercoaster: a group project gone wild, autism misconceptions flying, and a bold stand that left tongues wagging. Our protagonist held firm, championing fairness and shutting down nosy gatekeeping, but was the “mind your business” line a bridge too far? The Reddit crew mostly cheered, yet friends called it harsh—college life’s never dull! This tale reminds us: assumptions hurt, and spectra defy boxes. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Drop your thoughts, feelings, or wild group project stories below—let’s keep this chat buzzing!

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